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What's New:

  • Leslie will be doing a free webinar on December 5th on the 3 Lies That Keep Women Miserable, Afraid and Unable To Change. Click here to register Feel free to invite any of your friends to this webinar.
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A Tribute to My Best Friend

By Leslie Vernick

My best friend died six weeks ago. I miss her terribly. For twelve years we were inseparable. When I lived in Pennsylvania, she came to work with me every day. My counseling clients loved her and often brought her treats that she happily munched on during our sessions. When they cried, she’d softly put her head on their lap and let them pet her for comfort.

But she didn’t just accompany me to work she followed me everywhere. If I went upstairs, she went upstairs. If I went downstairs she went downstairs. Even when I went to the bathroom, she wanted in. If I stayed up too late, she stayed up too.

Gracie was so devoted; I would have to sit by her while she ate and drank, because if I went somewhere else, she would stop eating or drinking to follow me.

Gracie taught me more about loyalty, faithfulness, devotion and love than most people have. She showed me what it looked like to want to be in someone’s presence so bad that nothing else mattered, including nourishment. God used Gracie’s love for me to show me how He wanted me to love him.

Last November when we moved to Arizona she no longer had stairs to go up and down. There were no more snowballs to pry off her paws and fur. She never missed the crazy thunderstorms or heavy rain. But it was harder for her to manage my travel. She’d stayed in our bedroom for hours watching the door, waiting for me to come home. And when I did, she turned into a happy puppy; jumping and licking and hugging and sighing, relieved that I was home again.

This week is Thanksgiving. Although I am still grieving Gracie’s death, there are so many things I am thankful for. I’m thankful that when she became obviously ill, I was home, not traveling. I had been speaking a lot in September and had numerous trips scheduled for later on in October and November. Yet this was the one ten-day period I was home.

On Friday night, she wholeheartedly gobbled down the new gourmet dog food we bought her. On Saturday she vomited and refused to eat. Lethargic on Sunday we knew something was off. Monday we took her to the vet who diagnosed a gastrointestinal problem. He gave her antibiotics and took a blood sample. Tuesday he called us with the bad news. Her blood test showed she had stage five cancer, either lymphoma or leukemia. He thought we could buy some time with either chemo or steroids but since she was already 13 years old (and her breed’s life expectancy is 12-14), we decided on steroids. However, Wednesday and Thursday she still wouldn’t eat and by Friday she stopped drinking. We knew that it was time to say good-bye.

Saturday morning we brought her to the vet. He gave us a private room and all the time we needed to say goodbye. Writing this I am crying, but I am also so thankful that she didn’t suffer long. I am thankful that I was home and not traveling. Thankful that we had this marvelous dog for as long as we did. Thankful that even at the very end she showed how much she wanted to please us.

Grace hadn’t eliminated since Thursday and we knew she needed to go. But she was so weak she couldn’t walk. She refused to pee on our floor. We carried her to the car. She didn’t go in the car either. But the minute we laid her down on the blanket at the vet’s office, she peed all over it. She didn’t care about his blanket and let her bladder go even though it meant she would lay in it.

God gives us a hard command to obey. He tells us, “In everything give thanks.” (1 Thessalonians 5:18). How do you do this when you are grieving, when you don't get a yes to your prayer?

Please don’t misunderstand this command. God isn’t asking you to be thankful for everything. I’m not thankful for Gracie’s death. I wanted her to get better. I wanted her to live forever. But I have learned be thankful in everything. How? When I face tough situations, I purposefully look for the good that’s hidden in the hard.

How about you? Maybe you are facing a much tougher time than losing a beloved pet. Maybe you’ve lost a job or a spouse or a child or a marriage and this Thanksgiving feels way too hard to celebrate. That may be true, but in the hard, can you hunt for what you CAN be thankful for? If you do, it will make all the difference in how you handle hard.

After Gracie passed, my husband and I sat on our patio blasting music on our Bose speakers. The song we played over and over again was “The Prayer”, by Celine Dion and Andrea Bocelli.

It was only 1:00 in the afternoon but our bodies felt like they were ready for bed. Yet we thanked God for the sunshine that warmed our faces, for the beauty around us, for powerful music that soothed our souls, and for our sweet, sweet Gracie, who blessed our lives.

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Lord, I Just Want to Be Happy

By Leslie Vernick

Counselor and author Leslie Vernick has discovered that many people pray, “Lord, I just want to be happy!” With candor, Leslie reveals that readers don’t need new circumstances but a new perspective to discover true happiness.

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide name and email address.

The winners of the Moving Beyond People Pleasing E-book by Leslie Vernick are Erin B. and Lynette T.

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Upcoming Events


April 14, 2018
Gilbert, Arizona

April 21st, 2018
General Conference
Indianapolis, Indiana


Want to have Leslie speak at your event? Click here to find out more information.


How Do I Live With a Narcissist?


Question: How do I live with a narcissist?

Answer: This is a challenging question to answer as you have given me no details as to the particular form of narcissism the person you are living with displays or what kind of relationship you have with this person. Let me ask you a question. Has your spouse or the person you are living with been officially diagnosed with Narcissistic Personality Disorder or any form of narcissism?

Sometimes we see certain traits in someone, do a little searching on the internet and then “label” that person as Bi-polar, Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD), Borderline Personality Disorder(BPD) or Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD ). But that can be hurtful and dangerous, especially if you are the one being labeled. I have seen women who are suffering from abuse and trauma wrongly labeled as bipolar or borderline and eventually lose custody of her children.

The American Psychological Association’s Diagnostic Statistical Manual 5 describes Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the following way:


What Other People Are Saying About
Leslie's Empowered to Change 6 Month Group Class

" I Learned some valuable lessons. Knowing Core Values (who I am) is different than my fickle
feelings and thoughts is huge for me. Avoiding 'what if' thinking and 'worse case scenario disease' will also be helpful to me. Difference between acknowledging and accepting is good for me to know. I acknowledged the problems 10 years ago, but have only moved closer to accepting in last year. Being responsible for my well-being is new to me. Giving up hope of change in my husband has come very slowly. Grieving currently as this is sinking in. Class helped me see a lot of things. Trusting God to work it all 'into' me. I pray it will move me forward. I need hope for me and kids."

-Class participant

LESLIE WELCOMES YOUR QUESTIONS

Leslie wants to help you grow in your personal and relational effectiveness. Please submit your questions by clicking here.

Then, visit Leslie's Blog as she posts her responses to one question per week.

Note: Due to the volume of questions that Leslie receives, she is unable to respond to every question.

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Leslie Vernick PO Box 5312 Sun City West, Arizona 85376 United States