Leslie Vernick
September 27th 2016                                                                           
What's New?

 

  • Conquer Conference: Oct., 14th and 15th. Becoming The Best Possible You - Inside and Out. Join us for this amazing live event! CLICK HERE to get all the details. The price goes up to $67 on 10/01.
  • Free Webinar - Join Leslie for a free webinar on 10/4. The topic will be "Are YOU in an emotionally destructive marriage?" CLICK HERE to register.
  • Give Her Wings Campaign - We are excited to support the Give Her Wings Campaign, which helps abused women escape their abusers. Find out more here. 

 

 
 
 
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Mirror Mirror On The Wall

By Leslie Vernick
 

 

When you look in the mirror who do you see? Do you see a woman who is attractive, competent, valued, and loved? Or, are you more likely to see yourself as flawed, ugly, inferior, and unloved?

 

Our internal picture of ourselves begins at birth when we look into our mother (or caregiver's) face and take into ourselves what is reflected back to us. Does our mom smile when we coo? Is she attentive and soothing when we cry? Do people clap when we take our first step?

  

In a healthy environment, infants see themselves as loved, wanted, and valued. Being raised by loving parents gives us a solid foundation for a good self-image, but no one escapes childhood without a few scars. Those who did not have loving caregivers are more deeply wounded.

 

When I was a child, I never liked being me. I wasn't pretty enough, smart enough, or skinny enough. I was never invited to the birthday parties of the popular girls in my school, and I always saw myself as inferior.

 

Sometimes I tried to become someone else. I'd copy one of the more popular girls laugh, or outfit, or hairstyle, hoping that if I could look or become more like her, people would then like me. But I never felt cared about or secure in my relationships because I knew that the person they liked wasn't the real me. I saw myself as a fake.

 

As adult women, we still battle these same feelings don't we? We tell ourselves that we're not as pretty, or as together, or as spiritual, or organized, or loving as other women we see. We compare and contrast our lives and our thighs and ask ourselves, "Do I measure up? Am I good enough?" In addition, we're constantly scanning the faces of those around us, silently asking, "How do you see me? Am I loved, worthy, and valuable to you?"

 

The foundation for a healthy self-concept rests in the assurance that we are loved, but human love (no matter how good) will never be enough or without some pain. It is only God's infinite and unconditional love that can correct and heal our faulty self- image.

 

When I began to take my eyes off myself and my flaws and imperfections and put them on God, I began to see myself differently. I stopped looking at myself through my mother's eyes, which told me I was unloved and unwanted. I stopped looking at myself through other people's eyes, which sometimes made me feel wonderful, but more often reminded me that I was inadequate and flawed and never enough.

 

Seeing myself through God's eyes gave me an entirely different picture of who I am and what I was made for. I discovered that God doesn't want to change me into another person, but he does want to change me. He wants me to be the best possible me so I am free to serve Him without fear and morbid self-consciousness. He wants to heal and transform the lies, the wounds, and yes, even the sins that have kept me from becoming the person he created me to be.

  

If you're struggling with a negative self-image, the ultimate makeover isn't done at the cosmetic counter, the gym, in a fancy department store, or by a plastic surgeon, but by God. Psychologist David Benner writes, "Genuine self knowledge begins by looking at God and noticing how God is looking at us. Grounding our knowing of ourselves in God's knowing of us anchors us in reality, it also anchors us in God."

 

The apostle Paul tells us because of what Christ did for us on the cross, God sees us as "holy and blameless before him, presented without a single fault." But he cautions us not to forget who we are, because when we do, we'll feel those old insecurities creep back in (Colossians 1:21-23).

 

Here are a few things you can do to help you see clearly.

  

1. Meditate on God's Word. Despite your perceptions, the truest thing about you is what God says about you.

 

2. Since Jesus is the exact representation of what God is like (Colossians 1:15, Hebrews 1:3), look at how Jesus interacted with people. Notice how they changed the way they saw themselves when they looked at God looking at them. (For starters, read the story of Zacchaeus in Luke 19:2-10, and the Samaritan woman in John 4:4-30).

 

3. Stop the negative self-talk. When you become aware that you're comparing yourself with others or putting yourself down or allowing someone else's gaze to diminish you, tell yourself to stop it. You are no longer going to be controlled by those habits. Instead look up and see God looking at you.

 

4. And one way you can quick start the process is attend our October CONQUER Conference - Becoming the Best Possible You Both Inside and Out. 

 

 
 
 
Is It Possible That The Manipulator Does Not Know What They Are Doing?
 
 
Question: Is it possible that spouses who manipulate are unaware they are being manipulative? If so, is this because of defense mechanisms or some other emotional void?
 

Answer: I think every human being has defense mechanisms and emotional voids. If we were capable of being completely healthy and whole individuals we would not need God. And probably 99% of all human beings have tried manipulation. Why? Because it is a very effective way of getting what you want.

 

A toddler throws a fit in the grocery store because she wants candy. If her mom capitulates because she’s embarrassed or doesn’t want to say no, she’s been manipulated by a two-year-old. And as the two-year-old learns that manipulation works she will do it again the next time she is thwarted from getting what she wants.

 

If her parents always give into her manipulative tactics her manipulation will increase and she will gain a wide repertoire of manipulative strategies. From throwing a fit, to whining, to saying “I hate you,” to the guilt trip or silent treatment, to badgering, to sighing with disappointment or disapproval, the manipulator communicates, “I am unhappy with you”, “I will hurt you”, or “you are a bad person if you won’t do or give me what I want.”

 

 

 

 

 

Connect With Me
 
 
 
IN THIS ISSUE
 
ARTICLE

Mirror Mirror On The Wall

 

COACHING 
Accepting Coaching Applications
Click here to get started.
 
WHAT'S NEW? 
Take a look at the upcoming events to watch for from Leslie
 
GIVEAWAY
Give Her Wings Bracelets (2 bracelets)
  
LESLIE ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION

Is It Possible That The Manipulator Does Not Know What They Are Doing? 

 
 
COACHING INFORMATION
For more information on Leslie's coaching program, please click below:

 

Coaching Programs

 
 
GIVEAWAY
Give Her Wings
Bracelets
 

The purpose of Give Her Wings is to raise gifts and money for mothers who have left abusive situations. Oftentimes, when a woman leaves an abusive marriage, she narrowly escapes with little more than her children and the clothes on her back.

 

Give Her Wings desires to do all they can to help specific mothers who are living in very poor conditions presently.  We want to give these brave ladies a chance to get on their feet to breathe, to heal their broken wings and fly free again. 

 

Leslie is giving away two (2) of these bracelets for her readers.

 

CLICK HERE to learn more about this service effort.

 

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide your name and email address.
 
Winners of The Secret Language Of Successful Couples by Bill and Pam Farrell are Julie M. and Carol P
 
 
UPCOMING EVENTS
 

 

October 1st - 2nd, 2016

Bethany Wesleyan Church

Cherryville, PA

Leslie will be speaking at the Saturday night and Sunday morning services on What is An Emotionally Destructive Marriage - open to the public. 

 

October 14th - 15, 2016

Becoming the Best Possible

You - Both Inside and Out

Allentown, PA.

CLICK HERE to register.

 

November 3 - 5th

CMHC Summit Conference

Calvary Church

Naperville, IL

 

 
 
HERE'S WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT LESLIE'S COACHING
 
"Abraham Lincoln said whatever you are be a good one. Leslie Vernick is not a good coach, counselor, and spiritual advisor.....she is stellar.

 

I came to Leslie needing help with my relationship with my husband. I felt isolated, confused, and somewhat hopeless. Leslie provided me with a compass when I needed direction and gave me a road map to help me find my way.

 

I will be forever grateful for her handling me and my marriage with great care. She left me inspired lifted up and hope filled. No matter where my compass takes me and what direction I take, I now know God has His arms wrapped around me."  

 

Marie V

 
 
LESLIE WELCOMES YOUR QUESTIONS
 

Leslie wants to help you grow in your personal and relational effectiveness. Please submit your questions by clicking here.


Then, visit Leslie's Blog as she posts her responses to one question per week.


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Leslie Vernick PO Box 5312 Sun City West, Arizona 85376 United States