Leslie Vernick
March 15th, 2016                                                                            
What's New?

 

  • Our Building CORE Strength Class is next week! This week is the last week to sign up. CLICK HERE to learn about our most popular class. 
  • April 8th, 2016

    Leslie will be speaking Friday evening on Three Common Mistakes People Helpers Make in Working with Couples in Destructive Marriages and How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong. CLICK HERE to register.

 

 
 
 
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10 Mistakes Smart
Parents Make

By Leslie Vernick
 

Most people try their best to be good parents. They love their kids. They want them to grow up and be healthy, happy, God fearing, self-supporting individuals. But there are some things that many good parents do that hinder their children’s growth and maturity, here are the top ten.

 

1.Praising talent instead of effort. Studies show that repeatedly praising a child for being smart, beautiful, or talented does not improve their self-confidence or self-esteem. It actually has the opposite effect and makes them more insecure and afraid to try new things.  (Mindset by Carol Dweck is a great resource for understanding the research about this and how to help your child have the right mindset for growth). Instead of saying to your child, “You’re smart at math”, praise her for her hard work figuring out a tough problem. 

 

2.Emphasizing achievement over character.  At the end of the day, what will bring your child the most happiness and satisfaction in life is not the size of her paycheck or the number of degrees after her name but the kind of person she has become as well as the quality of her relationships.  Poor character qualities will lead to a failed life even if you look successful on the outside. Proverbs 16:23; 20:11; 23:23. Blog Article Here. 

 

3.Giving freedom without requiring responsibility. Adolescence is a tough time to parent and sometimes it’s easier to give into our child’s tantrums than to hold her accountable to fulfill her responsibilities.  One of the most important lessons parents much teach their child is to be responsible and take responsibility for her own choices and behavior. 

 

4.Trying to be super-mom or dad. Stop doing for your kids what they should be doing for themselves. As they age, give them more responsibility such as time management for homework, cleaning their room, doing their own laundry. The goal of parenting is to work yourself out of a job so that your child doesn’t need you anymore.   

 

5.Not helping your child see you are a person, not just a parent.  Along with super-parent syndrome, I find a woman may tend to over-function in her role as a mother and fails to teach her children that she is also a person who has her own dreams, needs, and feelings.  

 

As our children mature, the parent child relationship ought to become more reciprocal with a child showing more consideration for her parent’s feelings or needs. Doing this models healthy relationship skills as well as reminds your child that life is not all about her and what she wants all the time. 

 

6.Not following through on stated consequences. If we don’t teach our kids when they are young that there are consequences to their choices and behaviors they will experience a painful awakening when they move into adulthood.  Today many people are miserable and perpetually angry that life and other people have not given them what they deserve instead of understanding their decisions and behaviors have consequences.  Proverbs 19:3 

 

7.Being too busy to give unstructured or uninterrupted time to your child.  It pains me to watch entire families in a restaurant together all checking their cell phones. Your child learns social skills and gains emotional intelligence through interacting with real people in family life.  A child needs to feel that she is important to you and when you give her your time, energy, and uninterrupted attention, she feels it.

 

8. Giving them too much stuff.  “Mom please, please, please, buy me this one thing.  I won’t ever ask for anything else.  Just this iPhone or video game and I’ll be happy forever.”  What parent hasn’t heard that plea? And yet a week later, your child wants something more.

 

Overindulgence sends a wrong message. It tells your kids that things will make her happy.  It teaches her that having more satisfies and yet the truth is, more doesn’t satisfy. More just makes us hungry for more.  Instead teach your children to be content and grateful for what they have instead of always pining for more.  

 

9. Not practicing what you preach. If you say something is important to you like God or faith or integrity or family and yet your actions show something different, your children will do as you do and not as you say.  Life is caught and not taught and when you live a double life, your children are smart enough to see it.

 

10. Not praying enough for our children. I know it’s hard to pray. It can feel dry, even boring. But God says to pray and pray without ceasing.  I wish I had prayed more for my children.  There is so much in life that is completely out of our hands. Yet God loves our child more than we do and he wants us to pray for their safety, their growth, as well as their spiritual awakening and development. Prayer makes a difference and therefore, commit daily to pray for your child.

 

If you see yourself in some of the top ten mistakes, it’s not too late to change. God is always in the process of waking us up to something so that we can be conformed to his image. Don’t let Satan accuse you.

 

Instead thank God and the Holy Spirit that he has opened your eyes to some things you need to change, and then with God’s help, change them.

 

 
 
 
How Do I Manage A Narcissist 
Through A Divorce
 
 
Question: My husband walked out of our marriage the day our last son graduated high school. In the course of this separation, God revealed to me that there was another woman. I found them together in their favorite restaurant and even recorded them and confronted them at their table.

 

This is an affair of four years that he has yet admitted or said I’m sorry… how can I manage a narcissist through this divorce? He’s ruthless has already tried to start a rumor that I had an affair with another woman! Help?
 
Answer: I mean no disrespect here but I laughed when you asked, “How can I manage a narcissist?” It’s impossible. It’s like asking, “How do I manage a grizzly bear robbed of her cubs”? Catching your husband at the restaurant with another woman and confronting him publically sent him roaring. Now, instead of taking responsibility for his wrong, his goal is to manage his “image” and he will do everything he can to cast the light on you to make you look bad or crazy. That is a narcissist’s MO and it’s very important that you realize this sooner rather than later.

It’s crucial for you that you give up your “need” for an apology because it’s not going to happen. Please don’t let yourself linger in emotional limbo-land hoping that he will come to his senses and beg for your forgiveness. He’s moved on. He’s with a new narcissistic supply and you have been thrown away.
 
That reality hurts terribly but the sooner you reckon with that truth, the less damage he will be able to inflict on your heart. Accepting this may involve you getting some professional help for yourself to deal with the emotional fallout and grief of what you are now experiencing.
 
The legal system in divorce deals with facts, and not feelings or sins. If you live in a no-fault divorce state, the fact that your husband had an affair does not matter in terms of dividing the assets. You have no minor children at home so he won’t be required to pay child support. I strongly suggest you get the best legal counsel you can afford and someone who knows how to deal with narcissists because your attorney will need to fight for you.
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IN THIS ISSUE
 
ARTICLE

10 Mistakes Smart Parents Make

 

COACHING 
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WHAT'S NEW? 
Take a look at the upcoming events to watch for from Leslie
 
GIVEAWAY
Women & C.S. Lewis
 
LESLIE ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION

How Do I Manage A Narcissist Through A Divorce

 
 
COACHING INFORMATION
For more information on Leslie's coaching program, please click below:

 

Coaching Programs

 
 
GIVEAWAY
Women & C.S. Lewis
by

Carolyn Curtis

 

Sexism in Narnia? Or Screwtape? Or among the Inklings? Critics have labelled C.S. Lewis a sexist, even a misogynist. Did the life and writing of the hugely popular British author and professor betray attitudes that today are unacceptable, even deplorable? 

  

The younger Lewis was criticized for a mysterious living arrangement with a woman, but his later marriage to an American poet, Joy Davidman, became a celebrated love story. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien formed a legendary literary group, the Inklings – but without women. 

 

Do you think you know C.S. Lewis? Perhaps you've read a dozen of his books and that many books about him too. I promise you will discover new revelations about him and those in his life after reading this book.

 

I recommend this book to those who love Lewis. I also recommend this book be given to friends who may not have an appreciation for Christianity's greatest apologist. It just may change their minds.

 

- Sue K.

 

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide your name and email address

.

Winners of Deeper by Debbie Alsdorf are Violet T. and Cindy P. 

 
 
 
UPCOMING EVENTS
 

April 8th, 2016

Faith Church, Trexlertown.

Foundations Family Conference - Conference Open to the public. CLICK HERE to register

 

April 28th - 29th, 2016

Faith United Methodist Church

CLICK HERE to register

 

 
 
HERE'S WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT LESLIE'S SPEAKING 
 

"From the very beginning of my invitation to you and then all the way through the process of developing our retreat, you had a warm and flexible spirit that was aimed to serve the Lord and our women.

 

You delivered exactly what you said you would and it was so helpful to our women. They not only walked away with a new love to honor and serve God with their lives, but also with some new practical tools of application to be the "best version of themselves."

 

— Glenda Harr

 
 
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Leslie Vernick PO Box 5312 Sun City West, Arizona 85376 United States