Leslie Vernick
July 7th, 2015                                                                                
What's New?
  • Our CONQUER Support Membership is enrolling. CLICK HERE to learn about this amazing opportunity to work with Leslie, for less than a cup of coffee per day!
  • July 17-18th, 2015: Leslie will be speaking Friday night. There will be over 3 hours on information about the Emotionally Destructive Relationship.
    Click here to register. The registration is $10
 
 
 
Feedback

Ten Great Choices You
Can Make Today

By Leslie Vernick
 
 
In this season of remembering America’s freedom, I want to remind you of another important freedom that God has given humankind. It’s the freedom to choose.

The Bible gives us plenty of examples of individuals who made good choices and of others who made poor choices. We can learn from their example.
 
Eve chose to believe the serpent rather than believe God. She only looked at the moment (it looked good to eat and she wanted it), but the consequences of her choice affected the entire human race (Genesis 3:1-6).
 
“Moses chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than enjoy the pleasures of sin for a short time. He regarded disgrace for the sake of  Christ as of greater value than the treasures of Egypt, because he was looking ahead to his reward” (Hebrews 11:25,26).
 
Noah chose to believe God and built an ark, suffering the ridicule of his entire community for a season, but saving his family in the long run (Genesis 6-8).
 
Abram chose to believe God and it was counted unto him as righteousness (Genesis 15:6).  

Esau chose to sell his inheritance for a pot of stew.  He was living for the moment and made his decision on a temporary felt need—hunger. (Genesis 25:29-34).
 
The Israelites chose to believe the eight spies that feared the giants rather than Joshua and Caleb who trusted God. The Israelites made their choice based on their feelings of fear and consequently forfeited the opportunity to go into the Promised Land. Instead, they wandered in the desert for forty years (Numbers 13).
 
David chose to honor his commitment and loyalty as a subject of King Saul, even though Saul sought to kill him. When David had the chance to kill Saul, he chose not to, instead trusting God to deliver him and protect him. (1 Samuel 18-24).

Queen Vashti chose to say no to her drunken husband, King Xerxes when he commanded her to come to the palace to parade her beauty before the people and nobles (Esther 1). As a result, she lost her position, but she kept her dignity.
 
Abigail chose to do the right thing and overruled her foolish husband’s orders when he refused to feed David’s men. She saved her family from disaster and David from sinning (1 Samuel 25).
    
John the Baptist chose to stand for the truth rather than compromise with sin and lost his head (Mark 6:17-29). Yet, Jesus says of John that no human being has ever been greater than he (Matthew 11:11).
 
Judas chose to wallow in self-hatred instead of choosing to repent after betraying Christ. He felt so badly he went out and hung himself (Matthew 27:3-5).
 
Jesus, the very son of God, chose to leave his heavenly kingdom and live among us. He wanted to show us who God was and what he was like. He chose to suffer and die on the cross so that one day we might live forever with him.

“We can decide to live in response to the abundance of God, and not under the dictatorship of our own poor needs. We can decide to live in the environment of a living God and not our own dying selves. We can decide to center ourselves in the God who generously gives and not in our own egos which greedily grab.”

Here are ten choices you can make today:
 
You can…

CHOOSE TO LOVE.....................    rather than hate.
CHOOSE TO SMILE....................... rather than frown.
CHOOSE TO BUILD..................  rather than destroy.
CHOOSE TO PERSEVERE.............   rather than quit.
CHOOSE TO PRAISE.................   rather than gossip.
CHOOSE TO HEAL.....................   rather than wound.
CHOOSE TO GIVE.......................   rather than grasp.
CHOOSE TO ACT......................      rather than delay.
CHOOSE TO FORGIVE...............    rather than curse.
CHOOSE TO PRAY...................  rather than despair.

Moses encourages the people of God with these words, “Now choose life, so that you and your children may live..(Deut. 31:8).

Excerpted from Chapter 6 of How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong
 
 
 
 Living In Limbo Land. Married But Not Married. What Do I Do?
 
Question: I've been married for almost 5 years and last June my husband informed me that he had gotten an apartment and was seeking a temporary separation in hopes that things would get better.
 
I have also known that things were bad but my desires were to seek couples counseling from a Clergy or licensed Christian Counselor. My husband pastors a small church and feels that he is qualified to lead us to resolution although his repeated attempts have not worked.
 
We are both over 50 years old and I guess very set in our ways. I feel he is very controlling, manipulative, and secretive about his affairs, abusive and uncaring. He feels that I am a poor communicator, negative, and lack romance.
 
It's been 9 months since he left and there has been no progress made. He once said, "I promise that I will never go to counseling with you." He also left me with 90% of the bills to pay. It includes the mortgage, his medical and car insurance.
 
I stopped attending the church he pastors (1 hour away) and attend a great church near our home and have stayed in fellowship with godly people who minister to me regularly. There were very low points in the relationship where I became depressed and lost hope but God stepped in and I'm much healthier now.
 
Through your material I've realized that he was abusive and that my marriage was destructive but I'm not sure where to go from here. I feel like I'm in limbo between two different worlds. I continue to wear my ring but every time I look at it I'm confused as to what to do next.I've sought God and have received no clarity to date so I am patiently waiting for his direction.
 
This is my husbands 3rd marriage and my 2nd, I was single for about 17 years before I married him.
 
I thought I was ready. What should I do?
 
Answer: Friend, in your deep heart of hearts, what do you think you should do? I think your question reflects the lie or myth that you still cling to that there is something you can do to change your husband.
 
You’ve acknowledged that he’s been abusive. Nine months have gone by with no progress. He’s told you very clearly that he will never go to counseling. He’s the one who left you and left you with 90% of the bills – and many of them his bills.Now that you’ve gotten healthier are you thinking that the marriage would improve? His complaints, the reason he said he left was that you were negative, a poor communicator and lacked romance.
 
Do you agree those were issues of yours that negatively impacted your relationship with him? Are these things you’ve been working on during this time? Have you tried communicating with him lately in a healthy and positive way? What were the results? Has he initiated any attempts towards repairing your marriage or is it all up to you to just do what he says and then things will be fine.
 
Many abusive men think they know all the answers and if you would just fall into line and do it their way (submit), the marriage would be fine. And it would be fine – for them. But what about you? Would it be fine for you?When you lived together he left because he said you were negative, a poor communicator and lacked romance. Were these inherent problems you came into the marriage with or did they result because of the environment you lived under?
 
When you live with a dictator, someone who is secretive and manipulative, it’s not uncommon to begin to be more be negative, lose your romantic feelings and have trouble communicating – mainly because they twist your words and refuse to listen and treat you harshly. Who feels like kissing someone who verbally berates her?I understand it is very confusing.
 
Living in limbo land – married but not married.
 
I’m glad you are not rushing into making an important final decision but stop beating yourself up. Being ready for marriage after 17 years of singleness doesn’t mean that you were ready for a destructive and abusive marriage.
 
No one is ready for that and anyone who lives in one finds it extremely difficult to stay well.I’m thankful that you are in a good and supportive church family and I hope you are getting some godly counsel there.
 
But from my vantage point, I see that your husband has abandoned you. He left you with the financial burden, he refuses to get help for the marriage, he hasn’t made any attempts to change or repair things with you so I’m not holding out a lot of hope that anything will be different.
 
What are your options? Do you stay in limbo land – waiting to see if God grabs hold of his heart? Do you go back to the same things you had before (I hope not)? Or, do you take his inaction and indifference as abandonment and Biblical grounds for divorce?
 
Those are your choices and they create a tough decision for you to make but I’m confident that as you continue to trust God, he will show you what to do.
Connect With Me
 
 
 
IN THIS ISSUE
 
ARTICLE

10 Great Choices You Can Make Today

 

COACHING 
Accepting Coaching Applications
Click here to get started.
 
WHAT'S NEW? 
Take a look at the upcoming events to watch for from Leslie
 
GIVEAWAY 
Sterling Silver Courage Charm
 
LESLIE ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS
Living In Limbo Land. Married But Not Married. What Do I Do?
 
 
COACHING INFORMATION
For more information on Leslie's coaching program, please click below:

 

Coaching Programs

 
 
GIVEAWAY
how to live right when our life goes wrong
Sterling Silver
Courage Charm
by
Susan Michel


Susan Michel started her own designer company in 1996, and since that time, her company has grown steadily and her designs are recognized as innovative, and of the highest quality.

 

Susan Michel feels a personal challenge to create work that combines integrity of design, continuity and uniqueness with her own style. Using fresh and imaginative ideas, she creates romantic and dramatic jewelry using white, yellow, pink and green.

 

Susan Michel is also blind.

 

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide your name and email address.

Winners of Give Yourself A Break by Kim Fredrickson  are Sandi C. & Tawnya K.

 
 
 
UPCOMING EVENTS
 

July 17-18th, 2015

Leslie will be speaking Friday night and it will be open to the public. Leslie will speak on the Emotionally Destructive Relationship.

Contact [email protected]

For more information.

Biblical Seminary

Hatfield, PA

 

Sept. 22-26, 2015

AACC World Conference

Nashville, TN

 

Oct 9-10th, 2015

Providence Presbyterian Church

Conference For Abused Women

Details Coming Soon

 

 
 
HERE'S WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT LESLIE'S COACHING.
 

"Leslie Vernick helped me gain perspective of my situation.  Although I came from a great family, I am educated, and in a leadership type profession, I began to believe over the many years that I was an awful person or just plain crazy. In many interactions with my husband, I would walk away feeling confused, bad, sad, mad, guilty and crazy. 

 

Leslie helped me to see where there is truth. I also brought up other personal challenges I was going through and due to experiences in my marriage, I expected to be judged or criticized. 

 

Instead, she was very supportive and non-judgmental and in turn helped me to not be so judgmental on myself. She has helped me through a very dark place in my life and I’m very grateful!"

 

 

- Cheryl K.

 

 
 
LESLIE WELCOMES YOUR QUESTIONS
 

Leslie wants to help you grow in your personal and relational effectiveness. Please submit your questions by clicking here.


Then, visit Leslie's Blog as she posts her responses to one question per week.


Note: Due to the volume of questions that Leslie receives, she is unable to respond to every question.

If you no longer wish to receive our emails, click the link below:
Unsubscribe
Leslie Vernick PO Box 5312 Sun City West, Arizona 85376 United States