Leslie Vernick
 November 25, 2014                                                                                   
What's New?
  • CORE Focus Group: Leslie will be offering the 2-session Focus Group on Building CORE Strength on December 8 and December 15. Click here for more information and to sign up.
  • Six Month Coaching Group: Leslie will be offering a 6 month group coaching program. This group, called Empowered to Change, will be starting in January and will meet 2x a month for 6 months. Space is limited, and signups will start on Friday, November 28th. Please click here and let us know if you would prefer daytime or evening.
 
 
 
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Can You Give Thanks IN ALL Things?

By Leslie Vernick
 
The Bible tells us that we are to give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18) yet as a Christian counselor I have found that verse difficult to actually apply when people are struggling with difficult life situations.

For example, how do you tell someone to give thanks in all things when they have been raped, sexually abused as a child, robbed, or betrayed by a spouse?


Yet not too long ago a woman shared with me exactly how she did it. She said, “Leslie I have learned that I can’t give thanks for all things, but I have learned I can give thanks in all things.”


She went on to tell me that her only child was recently killed in motorcycle accident. She said, “I am so thankful he didn’t suffer. I’m thankful that he knew the Lord and someday I will see him again. I am so thankful that I had 24 good years with him and that I have so many good friends who are supporting me through this time of grief.”


My jaw dropped. This woman was brokenhearted yet gratitude made a difference in the way she experienced her suffering. She was not angry, she was not bitter. Yes, she was sad as she should be, but she was also experiencing joy in the midst of her sadness.


Many secular studies confirm that practice of gratitude improves our mental and emotional well-being. When we are in the habit of looking for specific things to be thankful for, it has a powerful affect on the way we “see” our life. We learn to be grateful for the good things even in the midst of the hard things instead of feeling gypped that God, life, or other people aren’t giving us all that we deserved or wanted.


Psychologist Sonja Lyuomirsky writes, “Gratitude is an antidote to negative emotions, a neutralizer of envy, avarice, hostility, worry and irritation.”


Science now confirms what God’s word says. When you struggle with negative emotions, being thankful neutralizes their toxic effect. Isn’t that amazing?


The psalmist reminds us that God is pleased even when giving thanks feels impossible. He writes, “But giving thanks is a sacrifice that truly honors me.” (Psalm 50:23).


Friend, I know it’s hard sometimes to thank God in all things. But this obedience not only pleases him, it blesses you. Take some time during this busy holiday season purpose to look for five things every day that you can be thankful for.


Discipline yourself to do it especially when you are swept up in the more negative emotions like anger, impatience, irritation, anxiety, or sadness. In those moments, when you look for the things you can be grateful for, you will find those negative emotions not nearly as powerful or controlling over you as they once were.


Have a blessed Thanksgiving friend. I am thankful for you.

 
 
 
 
Have I Done All I Can To Save My Marriage?

 

 

Question:  I filed for a divorce 10 months ago, after reading your book and standing up to the abuses. I have no regrets and feel like I fully understand the depth of oppression I was living under. But because I’ve been in weekly counseling and am receiving wisdom and clarification of the pains from my own childhood, I feel like I have come to a place of full forgiveness for my husband.

 

I do not wish to reconcile because he has made no changes that I know of. I feel like we live on two different planes- as far as our belief systems go and can't imagine us ever living together again. But because the Lord has revealed to me my own healing and all it took to get here, I have compassion for my husband.I have not seen him nor spoken to him in 10 months. Would you recommend my going towards him with a redemptive letter, one more time?

 

I know what seems impossible to me, is not for the Lord. I don't want to slam any doors shut completely, until the Lord tells me so. Any thoughts? Let me say I am personally thriving. In every way possible, the Lord has been my husband. I only ask this question, to know I have done all I can.

 

Answer: I hear your sweet, humble, grace-filled spirit in your question. You wonder have you done everything you can do to save your marriage.  Let me ask you a question.  What more do you think you could do?  If you wrote your letter of redemption, what would it say?

 

I imagine you’d want to share with your husband that you fully forgive him. You’d want to share all that God has taught you and the healing that has taken place in your heart.  You’d want to express compassion for his own stuck and sinful places and empathy for how hard it is to look deep within and make that decision to get help.

 

And then what?  I think that’s where it will get a bit confusing for you and perhaps confusing for him.  Are you saying that you are willing stop the divorce and give him time to look at his own life and get healing?  Are you saying that because you’ve forgiven him and are now healed and understand that we are all sinners, you are willing to “try again”?

 

A letter of care and concern showing him how you have grown may be helpful to you although I’m not confident it will make much difference to him.  You have not heard from him in 10 months.  What do you think that means?

 

Making repairs to a marriage that has shattered takes acknowledgment of the problem and consistent effort towards healing personal and interpersonal problems.  You have taken those brave steps but has he? If not, then what is it you sense God calling you to do?

 

I hear that it’s important that you feel confident that all efforts to bring reconciliation from your end have been exhausted.  So perhaps this letter will help you bring closure to that worry. On the other hand I want you to be crystal clear that despite what God has done in your heart, you alone cannot fix your marriage or your spouse.

Connect With Me
 
 
 
IN THIS ISSUE
 
ARTICLE
Can You Give Thanks In All Things?
 
COACHING 
Accepting Coaching Waitlist Applications
 
WHAT'S NEW? 
Take a look at the upcoming events to watch for from Leslie
 
BOOK GIVEAWAY 
The Stress Cure by Linda Evans Shepherd
 
LESLIE ANSWERS YOUR QUESTIONS
Have I Done All I Can To Save My Marriage?
 
 
COACHING INFORMATION
For more information on Leslie's coaching program, please click below:

 

Coaching Programs

 
 
BOOK GIVEAWAY
Interesting Image
The Stress Cure: Praying Your Way to Personal Peace

by Linda Evans Shepherd

 

We live in a world filled to the brim with advice, and when it comes to dealing with stress, there's plenty of advice to go around. Sleep more, eat better, avoid this, seek out that. But more advice on coping is not necessarily what the stressed and anxious person needs. What we need is a cure. Linda Evans Shepherd has discovered it.


The true remedy to stress, she says, is prayer. In this inspiring book, Shepherd shows readers how to recognize God's continual presence and yield their troubles to the Prince of Peace. Through captivating stories, explorations of fascinating biblical characters, and examples of deeper-than-ever prayers, she brings within readers' grasp the peace that passes understanding. Anyone who is overwhelmed by all of the urgent demands on their time will find in this book a lifeline to true peace.

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide your name and email address.

 

The Winners of The Emotionally Destructive Marriage 2-DVD Set by Leslie Vernick are Sharen D. and Debbie W.

 
 
 
UPCOMING EVENTS
 

January 1-2, 2015
Leslie will be speaking at a retreat at Tuscarora Inn & Conference Center in Mount Bethel, PA
 
January 12-19, 2015
Keep Leslie in prayer as she speaks to church leaders about emotional abuse at Havana Seminary in Cuba. Pray for her to be effective and bold.
 
 
HERE'S WHAT PEOPLE ARE SAYING ABOUT LESLIE'S COACHING...
 

""Leslie Vernick is a blessing! She is gifted by God for coaching. I pray more Christian coaches would use her techniques, they are priceless. She records each session for me to listen to. It shocked me to hear how much I missed during our coaching sessions. She is accessible between appointments for when I have questions or concerns. Best of all she prays for me. I have no greater help than God, and great is the hope that gives me to know He is her source of knowledge and strength.

 

Leslie gave me:

  • Godly wisdom about my situation
  • Strategies to be safe and sane
  • Ways to respond differently
  • Bi-monthly goals
  • Accountability

 

I now have a plan and hope."

-- Women in a destructive marriage

 
 
 
LESLIE WELCOMES YOUR QUESTIONS
 

Leslie wants to help you grow in your personal and relational effectiveness. Please submit your questions by clicking here.


Then, visit Leslie's Blog as she posts her responses to one question per week.


Note: Due to the volume of questions that Leslie receives, she is unable to respond to every question.

 
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Leslie Vernick PO Box 5312 Sun City West, Arizona 85376 United States