Assessment - Leslie Vernick

Are you in an emotionally destructive marriage?

Taken from Chapter 1 of the book:

The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope

By Leslie Vernick

Are you in an emotionally destructive marriage? Feel free to take the assessment test below to give you some insight as to what may be going on.

** We ensure your confidentiality. We will not share your name or email address. We only collect it so that we can email you a copy of your results.

Date*
MM slash DD slash YYYY
Name*
First Last
Email*
1. My spouse calls me names such as stupid or worthless, or uses sexually degrading terms.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
2. My spouse mocks and belittles me.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
3. My spouse tells me no one else would ever want me as a partner.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
4. My spouse pressures me to do things I do not want to do.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
5. My spouse threatens to leave me and take the children.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
6. My spouse uses the Bible to criticize me or to get me to do something he wants me to do.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
7. My spouse tells me who I may have as friends.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
8. My spouse dictates how often I can see/talk with my family of origin.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
9. My spouse undermines me with our children.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
10. My spouse speaks poorly about me to our children.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
11. My spouse speaks poorly about me to others (his family, friends, neighbors, church people).*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
12. I don’t feel free to challenge my husband or disagree with him.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
13. If I don’t agree with my husband or do what he wants, I have a price to pay.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
14. My spouse breaks things around the house when he’s angry or upset.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
15. My spouse screams and curses at me.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
16. When I tell my husband my deepest feelings, he laughs at me, ignores me, or uses them against me.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
17. My spouse disregards my needs.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
18. My spouse tells me I can’t live without him.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
19. My spouse badgers me until I give in to his demands.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
20. My spouse calls or texts me frequently wanting to know where I am, what I am doing, and who I am with.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
21. My spouse monitors my e-mails, social media, and Internet use.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
22. My spouse accuses me of things I did not do.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
23. My spouse demands my attention when I’m busy with something or someone else.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
24. My spouse does not like it when I get positive attention or affirmation from other people—friends, family, church, work.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
25. My spouse tells me I cannot tell anyone what happens between us.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
26. My spouse uses sarcasm and ridicule to get me to stop talking or to change my mind about something.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
27. My spouse refuses to listen to my point of view.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
28. My spouse blows up when I ask questions about why he did something.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
29. My spouse physically restrains me to keep me from leaving a volatile situation*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
30. My spouse has threatened to harm me.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
31. My spouse uses physical force to get me to do something he wants me to do or to stop doing something he doesn’t want me to do.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
32. My spouse has injured me.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
33. My spouse threatens to harm things that are important to me (children, pets, reputation, and property).*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
34. My spouse uses physical force to coerce me sexually.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
35. My spouse withdraws from me if I don’t do what he wants.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
36. My spouse refuses to respond when I ask him questions.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
37. My spouse changes the subject when I try to bring up something that’s bothering me.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
38. My spouse ignores me for long periods of time.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
39. My spouse refuses to engage or participate in everyday family life.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
40. My spouse plays mind games with me.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
41. My spouse tells me that he’s the one who is being mistreated by me.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
42. My spouse says the problems in our marriage are all my fault.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
43. My spouse acts one way in public and another way at home.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
44. There is a double standard around what’s acceptable behavior. He gives himself more leeway than he gives me.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
45. My spouse refuses to tell me how much money he earns.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
46. I have no voice regarding how our finances are saved or spent.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
47. I have no idea what my husband does with our money even though I’ve asked.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
48. My spouse tells me things that I know are not true.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
49. My spouse omits information that keeps me from knowing the whole story about something.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
50. My spouse lies to other people (children, work colleagues, friends, church, family, IRS, police, etc.).*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
51. I feel crazy in my marriage.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
52. I feel trapped in my marriage.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
53. I don’t feel I can be myself in my marriage.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
54. I feel like a child in my marriage.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
55. I feel like his mother in my marriage.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
56. I feel tense around my spouse*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
57. I feel angry around my spouse.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
58. I feel afraid of my spouse.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
59. My children are afraid of my spouse.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
60. I feel physically ill around my spouse.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
61. I am using medications, excess food, and/or alcohol to cope with my marriage.*
- Often
- Sometimes
- Seldom
- Never
Question: 20 + 20 equals?*
Name
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Are you in an emotionally destructive marriage?

The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope

By Leslie Vernick

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