Walking in CORE Strength Coaching Group – Now Open: If you’ve ever said, “I don’t even know who I am anymore,” friend—this is for you. Our 3-month group coaching program, Walking in CORE Strength, is now open for enrollment. Inside, you’ll learn how to walk in truth, value, boundaries, and confidence—even if your marriage never changes.

✅ Weekly teaching
✅ Coaching + community
✅ Biblical guidance for women who are in or getting out of destructive relationships

We begin the week of September 8th. Learn more here: www.leslievernick.com/core

By Leslie Vernick

If you’re feeling tired lately, I want you to pause and ask yourself something hard: Am I carrying things that were never mine to carry?

So many women I work with are overfunctioners (including myself)

They try to fix, manage, soften, absorb, and smooth over every difficult moment — in their homes, in their marriages, even in their churches.

They say yes when they’re exhausted.
They take responsibility for everyone else’s emotions.
They feel guilty when they stop trying.

And this past Labor Day weekend — a time that’s supposed to offer rest — ends up feeling like more work.

Friend, this isn’t the life God invited you into.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” — Matthew 11:28

That’s not just physical rest. It’s soul rest.

It’s the peace that comes when you stop feeling it’s your job to hold everything — and everyone — together.

Overfunctioning can feel noble, but often it’s rooted in fear:

• Fear of disappointing others
• Fear of conflict
• Fear of being judged as lazy, selfish, or unspiritual

But God never called you to be someone else’s savior. That job is already taken.

So let me say it clearly:
You can stop doing it all.
You can allow others to experience the consequences of their choices.
You can rest — not because everything is done, but because you’re trusting God to be God.

On this Labor Day Week, I want to invite you to something better than burnout.

If you’re ready to step out of exhaustion and into biblical strength, our Walking in CORE Strength group might be your next right step. Inside, we’ll help you stop overfunctioning and start living with clarity, boundaries, and courage — no matter what your spouse chooses.

by Leslie Vernick

Leslie Vernick, counselor and social worker, has witnessed the devastating effects of emotional abuse. Many, including many in the church, have not addressed this form of destruction in families and relationships because it is difficult to talk about. With godly guidance and practical experience, Vernick offers an empathetic approach to recognizing an emotionally destructive relationship and addresses the symptoms and the damage with biblical tools. Readers will understand how to:

• Reveal behaviors that are meant to control, punish, and hurt
• Confront and speak truth when the timing is right
• Determine when to keep trying, when to get out
• Get safe and stay safe
• Build an identity in Christ

This practical and thorough resource will help countless individuals, families, and churches view abuse from God’s perspective and understand how vital it is for victims to embrace His freedom from the physical, emotional, spiritual, and generational effects of emotionally destructive relationships.

Two winners will be selected in our next newsletter! (Giveaway only available to U.S. residents)

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide name and email address.

The winners of “The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It” by Leslie Vernick are Nurane X. and Diane C.

By Leslie Vernick

Question: I am so exhausted from two unsuccessful years of couples counseling (two therapists with one year each, and a husband that quits when they focused on him). I just don’t have the strength to become the peacemaker.

I have been a peacekeeper for about three years now, and probably a number of years earlier too. What do you suggest? I don’t have the strength anymore. I am 62 years old.

Background: I have been in a declining marriage for the past 20 years. I would describe it as emotionally and sometimes verbally abusive. After a lot of work and study, I know that the root problem is that my husband, also a pastor, used to be a practicing homosexual who “gave it up for God.” The problem is that he didn’t become a heterosexual. He is in denial. It took me becoming a student of my husband to learn many things, and it took a lot of study to understand the root: idolatry. He is a Mama’s boy (mutual pedestals), most likely a victim of childhood sexual abuse (highly buried) and a narcissist who needs over-the-top approval/worship from me and anyone else. One therapist told me after my husband quit and he became my therapist alone, that my husband is “brittle.”

The second “therapist,” who was actually not a psychologist but an M.Div, said that my husband clearly has psycho-sexual problems. I didn’t figure out the idolatry-homosexual aspect, my epiphany, until December 2014.

Answer: I don’t hear a specific question from you other than perhaps, “Do I have permission to stop being a peacekeeper?”

You also say that you don’t have the strength to enter into becoming a true biblical peacemaker, so I think it would be helpful to first explain how I define the difference.

Continue Reading …

“I had no idea how much I was overfunctioning — emotionally, spiritually, even physically. This group helped me step back, find my voice, and start showing up in a healthier way. It changed my relationships… and it changed me.”

— Wendy, past CORE participant

Leslie wants to help you grow in your personal and relational effectiveness. Please submit your questions by clicking here.

Then, visit Leslie’s Blog as she posts her responses to one question per week.

Note: Due to the volume of questions that Leslie receives, she is unable to respond to every question.