Insecurity Coaching Week: Our Moving Beyond Insecurity Week is back and even better than ever! This summer it will run from June 23rd – June 27th. Find all the details here.

By Leslie Vernick

She tried so hard to be loving.
She kept the peace. Held her tongue.
Made excuses. Said yes when she wanted to say no.
Smiled through tears, hoping it would make things better.

And when she couldn’t keep up the act any longer, she felt like a failure.
Like a bad Christian. Like maybe even God was disappointed in her.

But here’s the truth:
Kindness is a fruit of the Spirit.
People-pleasing is not.

People-pleasing says, “I’ll sacrifice myself so you’ll like me.”
Kindness says, “I’ll treat you with respect—even when I need to set a boundary.”

There’s a difference.
And that difference matters — especially for women who were raised by controlling fathers or are married to manipulative husbands. So many of us were taught that “submission” means silence. That “meekness” means never saying no.

But your Heavenly Father never asks you to disappear in order to be loved.

“Speak the truth in love…” — Ephesians 4:15
“Let your ‘yes’ be yes and your ‘no’ be no…” — Matthew 5:37

You can speak up and still be godly.
You can say no and still be loving.
You can protect your peace and still reflect Christ.

Friend, if your Father’s Day weekend was heavy, I want you to know:
You are not alone.
You are not selfish for feeling the ache.
And you are not dishonoring God by wanting more than the scraps of someone’s approval.

God is not asking you to keep pretending everything is okay.

And if you’ve been stuck in that people-pleasing cycle for far too long, I’ve got something coming just for you. Our Moving Beyond Insecurity Coaching Week starts on Monday! You can still join us here.

by Leslie Vernick

Leslie Vernick, counselor and social worker, has witnessed the devastating effects of emotional abuse. Many, including many in the church, have not addressed this form of destruction in families and relationships because it is difficult to talk about. With godly guidance and practical experience, Vernick offers an empathetic approach to recognizing an emotionally destructive relationship and addresses the symptoms and the damage with biblical tools. Readers will understand how to:

• Reveal behaviors that are meant to control, punish, and hurt
• Confront and speak truth when the timing is right
• Determine when to keep trying, when to get out
• Get safe and stay safe
• Build an identity in Christ

This practical and thorough resource will help countless individuals, families, and churches view abuse from God’s perspective and understand how vital it is for victims to embrace His freedom from the physical, emotional, spiritual, and generational effects of emotionally destructive relationships.

Two winners will be selected in our next newsletter! (Giveaway only available to U.S. residents)

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide name and email address.

The winners of “The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It” by Leslie Vernick are Claire S. and Renee D.

By Susan King

Question: I have chosen to leave my emotionally destructive marriage. How do I stay sane during the days when he’s all of a sudden acting and speaking the way I’ve begged him to for 23 years. It makes me doubt myself and hate myself when he’s acting “right” all of a sudden. It hurts just as much as all the pain he’s caused me.

Answer: The choice to leave an emotionally destructive relationship is a hard one. If you are anything like the women I have coached, I am sure it was not a quick decision. As you know, it can take years or even decades to get to the point where you are ready to leave.

It is important to understand that a highly destructive person uses whatever needed in order to maintain coercive control. That may include making temporary changes in the ways you desire. I want to highlight the word temporary here. Sudden changes without a lot of intentional work toward health and healing, will not last…

Continue Reading …

“I always thought being a good Christian woman meant never disappointing anyone. But this course helped me understand the difference between love and appeasement. I’ve learned to stand tall in my faith without shrinking for approval.”

— Tanya, past participant

Leslie wants to help you grow in your personal and relational effectiveness. Please submit your questions by clicking here.

Then, visit Leslie’s Blog as she posts her responses to one question per week.

Note: Due to the volume of questions that Leslie receives, she is unable to respond to every question.