Where is God in my Destructive Marriage?
by Leslie Vernick
Anyone who grew up in church learned the song, “Jesus Loves Me This I Know.” And, how do we know? As the song says, “The Bible Tells Me So.”
Then you grow up and learn that this same Bible also says God hates. We’re taught, for example, he hates divorce (Malachi 2:4). Not a big deal … unless you happened to grow up and marry an emotionally abusive man.
So what do you do? How do you reconcile the truth that the “God who loves me” seems to care more about keeping my marriage together than my personal (or my children’s) safety or sanity?
Christian leaders and counselors often counsel women in these situations to:
“Keep extending grace.
“Forgive and put the past in the past.”
“Stop pushing his buttons.”
“Try harder to make him happy.”
“Respect and submit to him. He’s the head of the home.”
And, of course, “If he hasn’t cheated on you have no grounds for divorce.”
Friend, please understand that the majority of people handing out this advice are well-meaning and truly believe they are offering godly counsel. But I believe they are wrong.
Anyone can cherry-pick a verse and make theology. But, to properly interpret the Bible, one needs to look at the whole counsel of God as well as know the heart of God. It’s important to see who God is and how he has handled situations similar to the one you’re in.
Here are three Biblical truths you can know for sure: