Still Wondering If It’s Destructive or Just Difficult?

Friend, if Easter stirred something in you — hope, longing, maybe even confusion — you’re not alone. Many women begin spring asking, “Is what I’m experiencing normal marriage struggle… or something more serious?”

If that question has been quietly following you, our Quick Start Guide was created for you. It will help you discern the difference between difficult and destructive patterns so you can move forward in truth — not fear.

You don’t have to stay confused.

👉 Access the Quick Start Guide here.

By Leslie Vernick

Easter has come and gone.

The music swelled.

The stone rolled away.

The church proclaimed, “He is risen.”

But maybe your marriage still feels buried.

Friend, resurrection hope can feel distant when your daily life still feels heavy. You prayed. You fasted. You waited. And nothing changed.

Or worse — things escalated.

It’s easy to wonder: God, are You even here?

If you’ve ever cried out to God in the quiet of your bedroom after another painful conversation, you are not weak. You are human.

If you’ve opened Scripture hoping for comfort and instead felt numb, you are not faithless.

Many women living in destructive relationships feel spiritually disoriented. The God they were taught would protect, defend, and restore seems strangely quiet.

That silence can feel like abandonment.

But silence and absence are not the same thing.

Between Good Friday and Easter Sunday, heaven was silent.

No angel choirs.

No immediate rescue.

No visible intervention.

The disciples thought it was over.

But what looked like defeat was not the end of the story.

Sometimes God is working beneath the surface while everything above ground looks unchanged.

That doesn’t mean you passively endure harm. It means you don’t interpret delay as disinterest.

God cares more about your safety and sanity than the image of your marriage.

That truth matters.

Resurrection is not about pretending death didn’t happen. It’s about God bringing life out of what truly died.

Some marriages resurrect because both people repent and rebuild.

Some women experience resurrection in a different way — clarity, strength, courage, and a new identity even if their spouse never changes.

Jesus did not rise to send you back into bondage.

He rose to set captives free.

Freedom sometimes begins with truth.

Truth about what’s really happening.

Truth about what is yours to carry — and what is not.

You have a voice and a choice.

So what’s your next right step this spring?

Maybe it’s naming what you’ve been minimizing.

Maybe it’s getting wise counsel.

Maybe it’s stopping the cycle of over-spiritualizing destructive behavior.

Maybe it’s simply admitting, “This is hurting me.”

Resurrection hope doesn’t mean ignoring pain.

It means believing God can bring life even here.

Friend, you are not abandoned.

Even if the ground still looks bare.

Spring begins underground.

by Leslie Vernick

Leslie Vernick, counselor and social worker, has witnessed the devastating effects of emotional abuse. Many, including many in the church, have not addressed this form of destruction in families and relationships because it is difficult to talk about. With godly guidance and practical experience, Vernick offers an empathetic approach to recognizing an emotionally destructive relationship and addresses the symptoms and the damage with biblical tools. Readers will understand how to:

• Reveal behaviors that are meant to control, punish, and hurt
• Confront and speak truth when the timing is right
• Determine when to keep trying, when to get out
• Get safe and stay safe
• Build an identity in Christ

This practical and thorough resource will help countless individuals, families, and churches view abuse from God’s perspective and understand how vital it is for victims to embrace His freedom from the physical, emotional, spiritual, and generational effects of emotionally destructive relationships.

Two winners will be selected in our next newsletter! (Giveaway only available to U.S. residents)

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide name and email address.

The winners of “The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope” by Leslie Vernick are Stella T. and Chasity H.

By Leslie Vernick

Question: I wrote to my pastor and asked him this question.

“What if a wife is a victim of her husband’s hostility?”

His response was: “There is no “victim” if we understand that we are called to suffer for righteousness. “For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow His steps” (I Peter 2:21).

Christ was not a victim! He willingly gave His life for us.

…by whose stripes ye were healed” (I Peter 2:24). “Likewise, ye wives…” (I Peter 3).

Leslie, do you agree? If not, can you answer the question differently and respond to my pastor’s answer?

Answer: I’m going to assume you explained much more to your pastor than you have stated here about what’s going on in your marriage and some specific examples of your husband’s hostility. In my answer I’m also going to assume your husband’s hostility is frequent, harsh, scary and getting worse.

Because no one is perfect, any one of us might have a hostile outburst when stressed, tired, or hangry. But when that happens, a healthy sinner would repent and make amends, not excuses. Therefore, I’m going to assume that your husband has a long-standing pattern of being hostile towards you and you’re getting more than tired of it.

Continue Reading …

“The Quick Start Guide gave me clarity I didn’t even know I needed. For the first time, I could separate normal marriage struggle from truly destructive behavior. That changed everything.”

Leslie wants to help you grow in your personal and relational effectiveness. Please submit your questions by clicking here.

Then, visit Leslie’s Blog as she posts her responses to one question per week.

Note: Due to the volume of questions that Leslie receives, she is unable to respond to every question.