Summer Coaching Week: Our Moving Beyond Insecurity Week is back and even better than ever! This summer it will run June 23rd – June 27th. Find all the details here.

By Leslie Vernick

Father’s Day can feel complicated.

Maybe your earthly father made you feel small or silent. Maybe he only showed affection when you performed just right. Maybe he wasn’t present at all.

Or maybe… the man you’re married to today isn’t a safe or loving father to your children. And every family-focused sermon this time of year just reminds you of what’s missing.

Friend, if that’s you—I want to gently remind you:

Your Heavenly Father sees you.
He delights in you.
He doesn’t love you because you’re perfect.

He loves you because you’re His.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18

So many women I talk to are trying to be the “good girl”…
Kind. Compliant. Quiet.

They think if they can just be nice enough, accommodating enough, then maybe they’ll finally be loved—by their husband, their children, even by God.

But let’s be clear: God calls you to be kind. Not invisible.

Loving. Not a doormat. That’s not rebellion. That’s wisdom.

The Bible says that when we grow up in Christ, we “put away childish things” (1 Corinthians 13:11). That includes the old belief that your job is to shrink yourself to earn love.

You are not a little girl anymore.
You are a woman.
Loved by God. Seen by God. Strengthened by God.

Walk in that truth today.

And if you’ve spent your life trying to please others just to feel worthy or wanted… I want you to know something: Our Moving Beyond Insecurity Coaching Week may be just what you need to start living from a healthier place.

We’ll be talking more about it soon—but for now, just know this: You can be kind and clear. Loving and strong. And yes—God honors that.

by Leslie Vernick

Leslie Vernick, counselor and social worker, has witnessed the devastating effects of emotional abuse. Many, including many in the church, have not addressed this form of destruction in families and relationships because it is difficult to talk about. With godly guidance and practical experience, Vernick offers an empathetic approach to recognizing an emotionally destructive relationship and addresses the symptoms and the damage with biblical tools. Readers will understand how to:

• Reveal behaviors that are meant to control, punish, and hurt
• Confront and speak truth when the timing is right
• Determine when to keep trying, when to get out
• Get safe and stay safe
• Build an identity in Christ

This practical and thorough resource will help countless individuals, families, and churches view abuse from God’s perspective and understand how vital it is for victims to embrace His freedom from the physical, emotional, spiritual, and generational effects of emotionally destructive relationships.

Two winners will be selected in our next newsletter! (Giveaway only available to U.S. residents)

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide name and email address.

The winners of “The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It” by Leslie Vernick are Hannah M. and Lyn B.

By Leslie Vernick

Question: I wrote to my pastor and asked him this question.

“What if a wife is a victim of her husband’s hostility?”

His response was: “There is no “victim” if we understand that we are called to suffer for righteousness. “For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow His steps” (I Peter 2:21).

Christ was not a victim! He willingly gave His life for us.

…by whose stripes ye were healed” (I Peter 2:24). “Likewise, ye wives…” (I Peter 3).

Leslie, do you agree? If not, can you answer the question differently and respond to my pastor’s answer?

Answer: I’m going to assume you explained much more to your pastor than you have stated here about what’s going on in your marriage and some specific examples of your husband’s hostility. In my answer I’m also going to assume your husband’s hostility is frequent, harsh, scary and getting worse.

Because no one is perfect, any one of us might have a hostile outburst when stressed, tired, or hangry. But when that happens, a healthy sinner would repent and make amends, not excuses. Therefore, I’m going to assume that your husband has a long-standing pattern of being hostile towards you and you’re getting more than tired of it.

I’m sad your pastor is not better informed on abuse. Even though he is your pastor, he is misapplying Scripture and not speaking truth. It probably isn’t intentional, but it’s still damaging and dangerous because of his position. Let me unpack some of the problems I see with what he said…

Continue Reading …

I am learning SOOOO much and starting to practice. A great investment and small teachings that are easy to put into action

– Susan

Leslie wants to help you grow in your personal and relational effectiveness. Please submit your questions by clicking here.

Then, visit Leslie’s Blog as she posts her responses to one question per week.

Note: Due to the volume of questions that Leslie receives, she is unable to respond to every question.