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By Leslie Vernick

Friend, Father’s Day is one of those Sundays that sneaks up on a woman and knocks the wind out of her.

The cards in the grocery store. The sermons about godly fathers. The social media tributes. For some of you, those things are sweet. For many of you, they are a slow ache that sits in your chest all week.

Maybe your own father was distant or harsh or absent. Maybe he was kind, but life took him too soon. Maybe your husband is the father of your children, and watching him on Father’s Day makes you want to weep, because the man being celebrated is not the man you live with behind closed doors.

Maybe Father’s Day reminds you of what your kids are missing. Maybe it reminds you of what you missed.

And maybe, somewhere underneath all of that, the very word “Father” has stopped feeling safe. That is the deepest wound of all.

Here is what I want you to hear today. The God of the Bible knows what it is to be misrepresented. He watched human fathers misuse their authority for thousands of years before He sent Jesus to show us what He is actually like.

Jesus said it plainly. “Anyone who has seen me has seen the Father” (John 14:9).

Not the angry father. Not the absent father. Not the demanding father. Not the father who shows up when you perform and disappears when you fail. Jesus is the picture. Slow to anger. Quick to compassion. Tender with the weary. Fierce in defense of the wounded.

If the word “Father” has been stained by the men in your life, friend, you do not have to white knuckle your way into trusting Him. You do not have to fake the affection you do not yet feel. God is not asking you to pretend. He is patient enough to let you come to know Him slowly, on real ground.

Maybe you have been afraid of God’s disappointment because you have always been managed by someone else’s disappointment. Maybe you have been afraid of God’s silence because you have lived with the silent treatment. Maybe you have been afraid of God’s anger because you have been on the receiving end of someone else’s rage. Maybe you have been afraid to need God too much, because needing anyone has always cost you.

But here is the truth. The Father Jesus reveals is not the father who hurt you. The Father Jesus reveals does not weaponize Scripture. He does not require your silence to love you. He does not expect you to perform your way into His good graces. He runs toward His daughters, the way the father in the parable ran toward the son who came home with nothing left (Luke 15:20). He redefines you as loved, worthy and important even when your human family fails. (Jesus restored the dignity and value of the rejected woman with the issue of blood and called her “daughter”Mark 5:34.)

This Father’s Day, you do not have to pretend the day is fine.

You do not have to post a tribute you do not feel. You do not have to muscle up gratitude for a man who has not earned it. What you can do is sit quietly with the One who actually is who He says He is, and let Him be the Father you have been longing for all along.

The wound around the word “Father” is real. But the Father is real too. And He is not in a hurry.

What’s your next right step, friend? Maybe it is one honest sentence to God. “I want to trust You, but I am scared.” That sentence is not weak faith. That is a start.

He is not afraid of where you actually are.

by Leslie Vernick

Leslie Vernick, counselor and social worker, has witnessed the devastating effects of emotional abuse. Many, including many in the church, have not addressed this form of destruction in families and relationships because it is difficult to talk about. With godly guidance and practical experience, Vernick offers an empathetic approach to recognizing an emotionally destructive relationship and addresses the symptoms and the damage with biblical tools. Readers will understand how to:

• Reveal behaviors that are meant to control, punish, and hurt
• Confront and speak truth when the timing is right
• Determine when to keep trying, when to get out
• Get safe and stay safe
• Build an identity in Christ

This practical and thorough resource will help countless individuals, families, and churches view abuse from God’s perspective and understand how vital it is for victims to embrace His freedom from the physical, emotional, spiritual, and generational effects of emotionally destructive relationships.

Two winners will be selected in our next newsletter! (Giveaway only available to U.S. residents)

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide name and email address.

The winners of “The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It” by Leslie Vernick are Heather M. and Kay B.

By Susan King

Question: How do I get through to my spouse the gravity of the pain & trauma our now grown daughter feels, due to growing up on the emotional roller coaster of his inconsistent moods and his emotional unavailability/often coldness? He doesn’t show her enough compassion for her emotions & her need for love and approval from men, due in part to the lack of his efforts to bond more with her as a father when she was growing up. It’s so painful to hear him make light of her emotions whether it be from their relationship or any heartbreaks she feels from her own destructive relationships with men.

Answer: Thank you for submitting your question. Many women have similar questions that begin with, “How do I get through to my spouse”. That beginning leads me to believe there has already been an effort that has not created the outcome you have hoped for. I will assume that you have already had a kind, respectful, assertive conversation about your concerns. If not, that would be a great place to start. That conversation might sound like…

Continue Reading …

“I did not realize how much of my life I had built around keeping other people comfortable until I went through this. I came in thinking I had a kindness problem. I left realizing I had a fear problem, and that God had something so much better for me than the version of me that was always trying to manage everyone else’s reactions.”

– Megan

Leslie wants to help you grow in your personal and relational effectiveness. Please submit your questions by clicking here.

Then, visit Leslie’s Blog as she posts her responses to one question per week.

Note: Due to the volume of questions that Leslie receives, she is unable to respond to every question.