For some people, the holiday season feels anything but merry and it’s hard to pretend. You’ve lost a loved one and this season does not feel the same without him or her. You’re recently divorced and the traditions and celebrations you shared as a family are now gone along with your wedding ring. Or you live alone and the holidays only magnify your isolation and lack of family or close friends.
Other people dread Christmas because it conjures up bad memories of holidays past. There wasn’t peace, joy or goodwill. Only drunkenness, disappointment, conflict, and hurt that continues to rage wild even if you wish it wouldn’t.
If that’s you or even someone you know, let me share a few things that might help you get through these next few weeks.
Allow yourself to feel your feelings. Give yourself permission to grieve and process your pain. As Christians, sometimes we feel guilty for having negative emotions. Jesus knows how you feel and you never have to pretend with him. Take some time to journal out your questions, your emotions, or your complaints as David did when he wrote his psalms. He often discovered after writing, he not only felt better but he experienced God in a new way.
Daily, look for the good. When we’re in pain, it’s hard to look for the good tucked within each day intentionally. Before you go to sleep, scan the past 12 hours of your day and ask yourself what happened today that you’re most grateful for. Write it down. Keep a gratitude journal. It’s challenging to look for the good during the hard. The Lord tells Isaiah, “I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name” (Isaiah 45:3).
Do an act of kindness for someone you don’t know well. We can always find someone needing a kind word, a good meal, a meaningful card, a hug, or a little bit of our time. Jesus said, “it is more blessed to give than to receive”. While you may not feel like it, give something of yourself to someone less fortunate. It will bless you as you bless another person.
Allow yourself to receive. Sometimes, we’d rather sit at home and eat a can of cold soup than accept an act of kindness from another person. We’re embarrassed and don’t want to feel needy. Yet God may have put you on someone’s heart to bless you. I remember early in our marriage, my husband became ill with a life-threatening problem. Our family didn’t live nearby, but the people from our church rallied around us and not only loved us through it, but provided cash for us to pay for some of the expenses of it. It was humbling, but it met our financial need and it touched our hearts. Let yourself receive their act of kindness. You both will be richer for it.
Christmas is a joyous occasion, but not in the way we usually celebrate it. Christmas isn’t about trees and gifts and carols and special cookies. Christmas is about God. Emmanuel, God is with us. He sent Jesus so that we might know what God is like. Spend a few minutes just pondering John’s description of this miracle when he says,
“So the Word became human and made his home among us. He was full of unfailing love and faithfulness……..No one has ever seen God. But the one and only Son is himself God and is near to the Father’s heart. He has revealed God to us” (John 1:14,18).
