What's New:

• Our Introduction to CORE Strength class starts tomorrow. You can still join today! Click here for more information.
  
  
• Leslie is doing a webinar for the AACC on March 20th. The topic will be on the “Three Common Mistakes People Helpers Make”. You can join by clicking on this link
  
  
• Leslie will be speaking on April 14th in Arizona, at the Gilbert Christian High School – she will be speaking to the public on marriage. You can find more information here.
  
  
• The 2018 Conquer Conference: Be Brave, Grow Strong tickets are here. This event happening October 2018, will be amazing. You can click here for more information.
  

What To Do When A Snake Bites You

By Leslie Vernick

Have you ever been bitten by a poisonous snake and felt its lethal effect coursing through your veins? I have never been snagged by the fangs of a rattlesnake but I've been attacked by other kinds of human snakes that inject their poison of hate, bitterness, discouragement, hopelessness, fear, and worry through my mind, my heart and my body.

“Please Lord,” I plead. “Can’t you take these people snakes away from my life?”

As I’m reading through the Old Testament right now, I’m seeing where the Israelites went through a rough patch in their long journey through the wilderness. They grew impatient with God. They couldn’t figure out what he was up to and began to grumble and complain. “Why Lord? Why this? Why me? And by the way, we hate eating this horrible manna!”

God responded by sending poisonous snakes and many Jews were bitten and died. Only then did Israel wake up, come to their senses and repent. “We’ve sinned against God and against you, Moses” they cried. “Ask God to take away the snakes.”

Just like you and me, the Israelites wanted God to remove the snakes. But shockingly, that’s not what God did. Instead he instructed Moses to make a bronze replica of the poisonous snake and attach it to a pole. He then told Moses, “All who were bitten would live and be healed if they simply looked up and gazed at the bronze snake” (Numbers 21:8,9).

The story sounds bizarre and it is difficult for us to understand fully. Despite Israel’s pleas, God didn’t remove the snakes. Instead he provided an antidote for the poisonous snake-bites but it would require a personal choice. God knew that the obvious problem (poisonous snakes) wasn’t the deeper problem for the Israelites. God knew that the true problem was Israel’s chronic lack of faith and trust in who God is and what God can do.

Therefore, in God’s wisdom, he didn’t remove the snakes among them, but did give the Israelites a way to live if they got bit. They could learn to trust in God and what he provided (look up at the pole when a snake bites you) or they could die in the wilderness. He knew that their problem with unbelief was crucial to their well-being and gave them a crisis situation in which to repeatedly practice looking up.

In the same way, God reminds me that he has provided the same remedy for you and me today. When you feel poisonous people snakes biting at your ankles, learn to immediately look up.

Jesus tells us in the New Testament that “as Moses lifted up the bronze snake on a pole in the wilderness, so the Son of Man must be lifted up, so that everyone who believes in him will have eternal life.” (John 3:14.15)

When you choose to take your focus off your difficult circumstances, or the harsh words of another person, or your own pain and look up you will gain a new perspective. Your gaze is fixed on something bigger and greater than the pain you’re experiencing and by choosing to change your focus, you can find healing from its lethal poison.

Help, I Live Internationally. How Can I Grow Stronger?

Question: My husband of 22 years finally opened up to me a couple of weeks ago and I’m still reeling from the shock.

It was a confusing and painful 20 years of marriage until I started to ask God to shed light on my past and heal me from my wounds. I confessed 2 Sam 22:29-30 constantly.

Two mistreatments in 2016 had me shutting down emotionally. I just couldn’t feel anything for him anymore. And that’s when he took notice. At first, he was enraged by my unemotional composure, then he tried every form of harassment, then he switched, adjusted his behavior a little but I just couldn’t bring myself to engage emotionally.

I spend that energy looking out for myself and our children. Standing up for myself and taking care of my own needs for the first time in my life is new for me. I discovered so many things I didn’t know about myself and I’m deeply ashamed to discover how much I’ve neglected myself. Then a couple of weeks ago he wanted to talk things over but this time I could sense some sincerity so I took this lifetime opportunity to ask what it was he hated about me, what did I do to deserve the cruel punishments, abandonment, and rape. He said it wasn’t me, it was him. He could not have empathy. He could SEE my suffering but couldn’t understand WHY I felt bad. But one comment I’d made in the 2nd year of our marriage (it wasn’t anything a normal person would take offense to) was just too hurtful to him. I came to the conclusion his ego must be extremely fragile. I had known this all along on the inside of me but wouldn’t admit it.

I am at the point where I’ve made up my mind not to live like this anymore. He and his mother are impossible to please, and now that I’m beginning to stand up for myself, their hate is palpable and they are saying all kinds of nasty things about me to all their family and relatives. He is preparing their minds for when I leave. I never mentioned the D word. I have now, however, made up my mind to leave him but my only concern is for my children. I am about to do what I swore I would never do to them. I can’t describe how my heart grieves for them. I intend to take the last child with me, he is the only minor.

Why don’t I feel guilty? I know he doesn’t want a divorce because he is a minister of the gospel. His public image is all that he truly cares about. He is otherwise not emotionally invested in the marriage. He is certainly not interested in me as a person but he expects the world of me.

We live outside the US and have no access to therapy, which I’m desperate for. I came across your video ‘The Emotionally Destructive Marriage‘ and I’m so thankful to God for the gift of you, Leslie!

The exchange rate here makes it near impossible to order your materials.

Answer: I am so glad that God has helped you to see that it is not selfish to value and steward your own self. Being a Christian wife does not mean you are a sexual slave or have to silently endure being mistreated, abused, ignored, or lied to no matter what culture or country you come from. You may not have all the legal protection or resources women have in this country but God sees and hates what’s going on.

Continue Reading …

What Are People Saying About Leslie's Introduction to Core Strength Class?

I was in a destructive marriage for 30 years and have 4 children. For years I tried everything, praying, fasting, counseling, reading every book, counselors, intervention, marriage intensive, with no change. A friend led me to Leslie and I was amazed that for the first time I had a name for what was going on in my marriage. When Leslie shared that she was doing the Intro to CORE Strength Group I prayed and was able to be a part of it.

My biggest worry of course was money and time, I knew I needed to do all that I could to move toward hope and healing and changing destructive patterns.

Being part of the group and listening to the calls, and working through the material has changed not just my marriage situation but all my relationships and interactions with people to be more healthy.

I love that Leslie say’s that my sanity and safety was more important to the Lord than the institution of marriage. She encourages each person to be who the Lord created them to be and by having firm boundaries many sinners are turned from their sin. The Lord is for the oppressed and downtrodden and Leslie is helping many in these situations to find freedom in Christ. I am so excited that I feel like I have learned to walk in core strength and am seeing much fruit in my life and for the Kingdom.

~ Lannie B.

LESLIE WELCOMES YOUR QUESTIONS

Leslie wants to help you grow in your personal and relational effectiveness. Please submit your questions by clicking here.

Then, visit Leslie's Blog as she posts her responses to one question per week.

Note: Due to the volume of questions that Leslie receives, she is unable to respond to every question.