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What's New:

  • Conquer Workshop: Join me on Monday, October 7th for a free workshop. I will cover How long should you keep hoping for your destructive spouse to change and how will you know his change is real? Save your place at leslievernick.com/joinwebinar

  • New Videos: I am releasing some new short FB teachings on my professional FB page. If you want to know more about how to handle destructive relationships check it out here.

What Is Biblical Love?

By Leslie Vernick

God calls us to be a people who love, even our enemies. But sometimes it’s hard to know what that looks like in action. One question I ask myself that helps me discern is what action can I take that would be in his or her best interest? For his or her good?

For example, It is always good to encourage someone’s positive qualities and look for ways to do so, even if it’s difficult to find some¬thing commendable (Hebrews 10:24). It is always in someone’s best interests to pray for them, even sacrificially through fasting or intercession for extended periods of time.

The apostle Paul tells us that one of the characteristics of godly love is that it does no harm to a neighbor (Romans 13:10); therefore, we are careful with our tongue and our temper, even toward someone we don’t like. We show respect toward someone, not because he or she is acting worthy of it, but because they are a fellow human being, created in the image of God, and we do not want to disrespect God’s image in him or her (1 Peter 2:17; James 3:9-10).

The Bible also says that it is never in someone’s best interest to make it easy for him or her to sin. That would be bad for him (or her) and harmful to their relationship with God and usually with us. Therefore, be wise when sacrificing yourself. Ask yourself, does my sacrifice enable their own selfishness or irresponsibility to grow? (See Proverbs 6 for example)

In another example, Joan continued to permit her husband to live at home despite his drunken rages and hurtful behavior towards her and the children because she said, “I love him and I’m praying he will change.”

Of course Joan prays her husband will change, but is it in his best interests or giving him an opportunity to change when she allows him to continue to be hurtful and drunk with her and the kids with no consequences?

Please hear this. The most loving thing you can do for someone who is out of control with sin is to get out of the way. Allow the person to experience the natural consequences of his or her behavior. Proverbs 19:19 says, “A hot tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again.”

It is only when a person experiences the pain and ugliness of his sin that he is most open and receptive to God and to his need to repent and change his ways. Otherwise, it’s easy to continue to deceive himself into believing that his sin is not that bad.

When we commit to love someone, we don’t promise to look out for what’s easiest for him or her or even necessarily for what he or she wants us to do. Instead we look for what God says is best for him or her. In loving that way, the person may even become angry with us because sometimes that kind of love does not feel good.

But that’s what God’s love looks like toward us. He always acts in our best interests, even though sometimes what’s best doesn’t feel comfortable or pleasant in the moment.

C.S. Lewis wisely writes. “Love is something more stern and splendid than mere kindness.


Prized: Experience The Tender Love of the Savior

by Jennifer Kennedy Dean

*Jennifer Kennedy Dean was a dear friend of Leslie's who passed away suddenly right before her new book came out. She would have loved giving two of her books away to Leslie's audience and her publisher sent them in honor of her.*

A thirty-day devotional, Prized is a fresh take on often-familiar passages. Within the context of Scripture, Jennifer paints a beautiful picture of the kindness and gentleness of Jesus. Pointing to both Old and New Testament passages, be encouraged as you see you were loved from the beginning. Christ came for you. You are His beloved. You are His prized possession. You were worth the price.

Two winners will be selected in our next newsletter (giveaway only available to U.S. residents)

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide name and email address.

The winners of “Discovering Joy in Philippians: A Creative Devotional Study Experience” by Pam Farrel (Author), Jean E. Jones (Author), and Karla Dornacher (Artist) are Sharon A. and Leslie S.


Upcoming Events

October 3rd
The Evening of Stories 2019
Spokane Convention Center https://genesisinstitute.org/

October 4th and 5th
RLS Convention
Dallas, TX

October 9th – 11th
AACC Annual Conference
Nashville, TN

October 25th and 26th
Maranatha Bible Church
Akron, OH
Click here for more information

November 2nd
Hawthorne Gospel Church
Hawthorne, New Jersey
Click Here For more information

Want to have Leslie speak at your event? Click here to find out more information.

Do I Have to Do Everything My Church Leaders Say?

Question: I want to thank you for all that you do. For having the courage to stand and speak about emotional abuse in the marriage and its affects. You have been my beacon and I know now that I’m not crazy. It took me 20 years to realize my marriage was not a healthy marriage and that I couldn’t do anything to change my ex-husband.

As a Pastor’s wife I was taught he was the head of the house and I had to submit to all his needs. My needs weren’t important, my duty was to serve him as a loving wife. There is a lot more to my story that would probably shock some people if they heard it.

I have a Pentecostal background and everything is sin in their eyes. I can’t have non- Christian friends. I can’t go to family weddings if they’re not Christians. I can’t go anywhere if the place has secular music or doesn’t relate to Christian activity. Is that right? I’m not going to go to a bar or a strip club.

I was taught not to listen to secular music so if it’s not a Christian artist and I listen to it, I’ve been taught that God is offended. I can’t wear shorts, jeans, jewelry, and so on. Can you please help me understand what the Bible says about all this?

I have been separated from my spouse for 8 months now and I want to move on with my life but want to do it the right way in Gods eyes. I don’t have any Christian friends since he was the Pastor and I am the one with the problem as far as they’re concerned. I do have some non-Christian friends that have supported me throughout this time.

Answer: Your question is tricky because people have differing convictions on what they see the Bible teaches as right and wrong, sinful and permissible. I don’t believe it’s my place to tell you what your beliefs or convictions should be regarding what’s allowed or not allowed unless the Bible is crystal clear like it is with adultery, abuse, deceit, hatred, bitterness, unforgiveness, revenge, the misuse of power, and harming others.

However, things like hair length for men or women, whether a person should wear pants or shorts or jewelry or makeup, or attend movies, or listen to secular music isn’t as definitively spelled out in the Bible.

In addition, some instructions that applied in Biblical culture, might not apply in the same way today. For example, Paul tells slave owners to treat their slaves with dignity and respect but does that mean that Paul and the Bible endorse the practice of slavery? Or was Paul specifically speaking into a culture where slavery was acceptable but with a radically new perspective? God knew that cultural paradigms don’t change overnight, yet Paul’s words about how to treat slaves was a 180-degree departure from the cultural norms of his day.

Here is What People are Saying About Leslie's Conquer Support Group.

I can't thank you guys enough for all this ministry has given me. I have finally escaped my abusive husband after many attempts and empty promises of change. I don't think I could have ever had the strength and courage to do it without Leslie and the Conquer program. Thank you again for all you do and please extend my heartfelt gratitude to Leslie as well.

~Dana Lee.


Leslie wants to help you grow in your personal and relational effectiveness. Please submit your questions by clicking here.

Then, visit Leslie's Blog as she posts her responses to one question per week.

Note: Due to the volume of questions that Leslie receives, she is unable to respond to every question.