Conquer Support Group: If you’ve been longing for a safe place where you can get clarity, grow stronger, and take your next right steps—friend, this is it.
Our Conquer Support Group is now open for enrollment, but only until Friday, October 17th. 👉 Learn more here: www.leslievernick.com/conquersignup

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Our team has put together a page full of resources that can help you learn more about how to support yourself or others through this situation. All information is found here: https://leslievernick.com/domestic-violence-awareness-month/

By Leslie Vernick

Fall is a season of change. Leaves turn. The air shifts. Harvest comes in, and what’s been hidden in the soil all summer finally shows.

In the same way, there are seasons when God allows what’s been hidden in a marriage to come into the light. And sometimes, what you see isn’t just disappointing—it’s destructive.

Friend, one of the most common questions I hear is: “Does the Bible really say anything about emotional or spiritual abuse?”

The answer is yes. Scripture speaks clearly about the misuse of power, the twisting of truth, and the oppression of those made in God’s image.

A destructive marriage is not simply “a hard season.” It’s not just about two imperfect people who need to communicate better. It’s a relationship where one person repeatedly diminishes, controls, or devalues the other—eroding the very safety and trust that marriage was designed to hold. And God’s Word does not ignore that.

Jesus warned against lording authority over others (Matthew 20:25–28). Proverbs cautions us not to place confidence in unreliable people (Proverbs 25:19). Paul named those who caused harm and urged others to be cautious (2 Timothy 4:14–15).

Some in the church will say, “Just forgive and forget.” But God never asks you to trust an unrepentant heart or pretend destructive patterns aren’t real. Ephesians 5:11 calls us to “expose the deeds of darkness”—not to cover them up in the name of peace.

If you’re in a relationship like this, hear me: God cares more about your safety and sanity than the image of your marriage. He calls you to live in truth, not to enable sin against you.

This month, as the leaves change and harvest comes in, ask: What is God bringing into the light in my life? And what might He be asking me to do with that truth?

Friend, you are seen. You are loved. And you are not called to walk this road alone.

by Leslie Vernick

You can’t put it into words, but something is happening to you. Your stomach churns, your heart aches, and the tension in your marriage is making you feel weary and a little crazy. The constant criticism, disrespect, cruelty, deceit, and gross indifference are eroding your confidence and breaking your spirit.

For any woman caught in an emotionally destructive marriage, Leslie Vernick offers a personalized path forward. Based on decades of counseling experience, her intensely practical, biblical advice will show you how to establish boundaries and break free from emotional abuse. Learn to:

• identify damaging behaviors
• gain the skills to respond wisely
• promote healthy change
• stay safe
• understand when, why, and even how to leave
• recognize that God sees and hates what is happening to you

Trying harder to be a perfect fantasy wife won’t help fix what’s wrong your marriage. Discover instead how you can initiate effective changes to stop the cycle of destruction and restore hope for the future.

Two winners will be selected in our next newsletter! (Giveaway only available to U.S. residents)

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide name and email address.

The winners of “The Emotionally Destructive Relationship: Seeing It, Stopping It, Surviving It” by Leslie Vernick are Marie P. and Jane W.

By Leslie Vernick

Question: I wrote to my pastor and asked him this question.

“What if a wife is a victim of her husband’s hostility?”

His response was: “There is no “victim” if we understand that we are called to suffer for righteousness. “For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us, leaving us an example, that ye should follow His steps” (I Peter 2:21).

Christ was not a victim! He willingly gave His life for us.

…by whose stripes ye were healed” (I Peter 2:24). “Likewise, ye wives…” (I Peter 3).

Leslie, do you agree? If not, can you answer the question differently and respond to my pastor’s answer?

Answer: I’m going to assume you explained much more to your pastor than you have stated here about what’s going on in your marriage and some specific examples of your husband’s hostility. In my answer I’m also going to assume your husband’s hostility is frequent, harsh, scary and getting worse.

Because no one is perfect, any one of us might have a hostile outburst when stressed, tired, or hangry. But when that happens, a healthy sinner would repent and make amends, not excuses. Therefore, I’m going to assume that your husband has a long-standing pattern of being hostile towards you and you’re getting more than tired of it.

Continue Reading …

“Conquer was the first place I felt truly understood. The teaching was eye-opening, the coaching was practical, and the community was a lifeline. I’m not the same woman I was when I joined—and that’s a good thing.”

— Sarah

Leslie wants to help you grow in your personal and relational effectiveness. Please submit your questions by clicking here.

Then, visit Leslie’s Blog as she posts her responses to one question per week.

Note: Due to the volume of questions that Leslie receives, she is unable to respond to every question.