Pleasing others has often been seen as Christian virtue and it can be, as long as you are free to say no without a guilt trip, a shame attack, or feeling selfish.
Perhaps a better way to describe an unhealthy people pleaser is a person who is trapped in approval-based relationships. If that’s you, you feel compelled to do what other people want, demand, or imply, so you get their approval, acceptance, affection, love or have some basic safety needs met. Friend, this is not God’s design for you or for healthy relationships.
Below are ten reasons why you should move beyond approval based, people pleasing behaviors.
1. You're depleted and exhausted trying to make everyone happy and doing what they want.
2. You’re seething with resentment. For all you do, you are not appreciated or valued as you want.
3. You are living for someone else’s agenda and missing your own purpose.
4. You are enabling someone else’s dysfunction to grow.
5. You are misusing the talents and abilities that God gave you in order to serve someone else’s purpose not God’s.
6. You continually allow other people to determine your value, worth and purpose.
7. You have no authentic relationships where there is mutuality and reciprocity. You are the giver; they are the taker.
8. You have lost the person you are supposed to be/become by deforming yourself into who other people want you to be.
9. You do not know who you are, what you want, or what’s important to you.
10. You are disobeying God. (Read Galatians 1:10; Proverbs 29:25; 1 Thessalonians 2:4; Colossians 3:23; Ephesians 6:7 for a few examples).
If you’ve resonated with some or most of these reasons, it’s time for you to make a change.
Don’t continue this unhealthy pattern.
Don’t regret that you’ve missed becoming the person God has called you to become because you lived afraid. Afraid of someone else’s disapproval, anger, or rejection. God wants more for you than to be an object for others to use.
Starting July 11, next week, our six week coaching program starts and is specifically designed to help you move beyond unhealthy approval seeking people pleasing behaviors. We have a few spots open. For more information click here.