Pleasing others has often been seen as a Christian virtue, and it can be, as long as you are free to say no without a guilt trip, a shame attack, or feeling scared or selfish.
Perhaps a better way to describe an unhealthy people-pleaser is a person who is trapped in approval-based relationships.
Here’s what that looks like. You feel compelled to do what other people want, demand, or imply in order to get their approval, acceptance, affection, love or, have some basic safety needs met. Friend, if this rings true for you here me. This is not God’s design for you or for healthy relationships.
Below are ten reasons WHY you should move beyond approval-based, people-pleasing behaviors.
1. You’re depleted and exhausted trying to make everyone happy and doing what they want.
2. You’re seething with resentment. For all you do, you are not appreciated or valued as you want.
3. You are living for someone else’s agenda and missing your own purpose.
4. You are enabling someone else’s dysfunction to grow.
5. You are misusing the talents and abilities that God gave you in order to serve someone else’s purpose, not God’s.
6. You continually allow other people to determine your value, worth and purpose.
7. You have no authentic relationships where there is mutuality and reciprocity. You are the giver; they are the taker.
8. You have lost the person you are supposed to be/become by deforming yourself into who other people want you to be.
9. You do not know who you are, what you want, or what’s important to you.
10. You are disobeying God. (Read Galatians 1:10; Proverbs 29:25; 1 Thessalonians 2:4; Colossians 3:23; Ephesians 6:7 for a few examples).
If you’ve resonated with some or most of these reasons, it’s time for you to make a change.
Don’t continue this unhealthy pattern.
Don’t regret missing the opportunity to become the person God has called you to be because you lived afraid.
Afraid of someone else’s disapproval, anger, or rejection. God wants more for you than to be an object for others to use.
