Be prepared, friend. Changing the dance means things ARE going to change. There’s no guarantee your the other person will wake up and be a changed person. It could actually be the opposite. His bad behavior could get worse. He may try to escalate in order to force you back into the old dance. Don’t fall for it.
The very act of changing the dance may precipitate a crisis. Hear me, friend. That’s okay! It’s not fun. It’s not easy. But if you’re in a destructive relationship, that needs to change.
Maybe it seems easier to just keep doing what you’ve always done. Maybe you think you can deal with it. But how are your kids doing? We all have a different threshold of pain. And, even if the abuse isn’t directed at your children they’re still feeling it.
God tells us not to hang around with angry people. Because it changes who we are. Relationships are incredibly powerful and they change us, for better or for worse.
Changing the dance doesn’t mean you file for divorce the first time your husband won’t listen. It means if this is a destructive pattern, you may have to step back from the relationship in order to keep yourself (and your kids) safe. But, depending on your situation, you can do this while continuing to invite him into a healthy relationship.
You can be married and yet not in a close, intimate relationship while you work on yourself. In other words, it’s possible to step back without closing the door. Then you’ll be ready for reconciliation if and when he chooses to work on himself and get healthy as well. Only then do you have hope of a truly healthy relationship.