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What's New:

  • Walking In Core Strength: Our popular 3-month coaching class is open! We only allow 15 people in each class, so if you have been waiting for the fall sessions, now is your chance! We only have 4 days left to get your spot! All the details are found at leslievernick.com/groupcoaching
  • Our New Quickstart Guide: If you wonder whether or not you’re in a destructive marriage or just a difficult one, please check out our new Quick Start Guide to find out.

My Relationship With God Has Grown Stale … Now What?

By: Leslie Vernick

Sometimes, my spiritual life feels boring. I go through the motions, but I’m not really growing. My heart doesn’t love God more, nor am I really thinking about His glory or His will throughout the day. My learning is informational truth but fails to become transformational truth.

When I get into those slumps (as I’m sure you do too), it’s time to make a switch. Here are five changes I make (at different times) that help me recharge and refresh my time with God.

1. Read the Scriptures out loud or listen to it audibly on CD: Sometimes, when we read the same Bible verses over and over again, they start to get stale and fail to grab our hearts in fresh ways. By listening to God’s word out loud you will hear things differently and will fall more deeply in love with who God is.

2. Memorize a portion of Scripture that has an action step: For example, James 1:19 says, “Be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.”

3. Slow Down: Sometimes, when I read my Bible, I’m rushing to get a certain amount read each day. Although I loved reaching my goal of finishing the entire Bible last year in 90 days, sometimes I am none the wiser because of it. Slow down your reading. Focus your attention on a few words, or a single phrase. Psalm 139 is a wonderful Psalm to savor. Begin with the first line, “O Lord, you have searched me and known me.” What does that mean to you? Can you trust that God completely knows you and that you never have to fear the loss of his love?

4. Meditate: Meditation focuses our intellect, reason, imagination and will on a particular topic, story, verse, or image, allowing God to speak to our heart in specific ways. The Psalmist says, “I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways. I delight in your decrees; I will not neglect your word” (Psalm 119:15,16).

Once, I was struck by the story of those who brought their friends to Jesus for healing (Matthew 15:29-31). I imagined people bringing their sick friends before Jesus filled with hope about this miracle man who healed people.

Maybe their sick friends didn’t want to come, maybe they were skeptical, yet it was the arms and legs of their friends that carried them to Jesus when they could not or would not bring themselves. I asked myself, how could I do this for my friends? How could I carry those that I knew were sick, crippled with fear or blind with unbelief to Jesus? Praying for my friends now became more than words; it became dynamic action.

5. Go silent: What would it be like for you to spend a day or weekend with no cell phone, computer, television or talking? To be alone with God? We live in a world that bombards our senses. Rarely do we take time out of our demanding lives for quiet and solitude. Yet God says, “Be still and know that I am God” (Psalm 46:10). It’s often in those quiet times that God shows up. Practicing silence, even for five or ten minutes at first, can be quite unnerving.

Yet, by carving out periods of time whereby we are quiet, both our inner life and our outer life become renewed. It is in this space that we not only come to understand our own thoughts better but to begin to grasp the mind of God.

Learning without application isn’t real learning. It’s head knowledge, not heart change. The Lord asks, “For who is he who will devote himself to be close to me” (Jeremiah 30:21)? Will you?

Martin Luther wrote:

“This life, therefore,

is not righteousness but growth in righteousness,

not health but healing,

not being but becoming,

not rest but exercise.

We are not yet what we shall be,

but we are growing toward it;

the process is not yet finished but it is going on’

this is not the end but it is the road.

All does not yet gleam in glory but all is being purified.”

Book Giveaway


The Emotionally Destructive Relationship

by Leslie Vernick

Leslie Vernick, counselor and social worker, has witnessed the devastating effects of emotional abuse. Many, including many in the church, have not addressed this form of destruction in families and relationships because it is difficult to talk about. With godly guidance and practical experience, Vernick offers an empathetic approach to recognizing an emotionally destructive relationship and addresses the symptoms and the damage with biblical tools. Readers will understand how to:

  • Reveal behaviors that are meant to control, punish, and hurt
  • Confront and speak truth when the timing is right
  • Determine when to keep trying, when to get out
  • Get safe and stay safe
  • Build an identity in Christ

This practical and thorough resource will help countless individuals, families, and churches view abuse from God's perspective and understand how vital it is for victims to embrace His freedom from the physical, emotional, spiritual, and generational effects of emotionally destructive relationships.

Two winners will be selected in our next newsletter! (Giveaway only available to U.S. residents)

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide name and email address.

The winners of “The Emotionally Destructive Relationship” by Leslie Vernick are Marie B. and Elma V.

Enter For Your Chance to Win

How Do I Stay Well When He’s Causing Harm?

By Leslie Vernick

Question: I've been reading through your book, The Emotionally Destructive Marriage. Last night I read through chapter 11, “When there is no obvious change.” My question is regarding the section on Staying Well. What if I've done all those things over a long period of time that you mention is necessary to stay well, following the example of Abigail, and my husband is making it impossible to stay peaceful by constantly threatening me and giving punishments for standing up for myself all while living with joy and not expecting anything from him.

He often brings up that “God hates divorce” and tells me how sinful I am to think about separation, but he is purposefully making it miserable to stay. I know he is unhappy that I have chosen to stop emotionally investing in a relationship that is so broken, grieved my loss, and moved on to the parts of my life that I can be responsible for my own attitudes and actions. I was wondering if you had a resource that specifically addresses this question of how to stay well when your husband constantly inflicts harm. At this point, I do not want to leave and create a broken home environment for my remaining children at home, but it almost seems impossible to stay under these conditions.

Answer: First, kudos to you for doing your own work. To steward your life, taking responsibility for your own actions and attitudes and detaching from feeling responsible to change or fix him.

At this point in time, you may have to make a different choice. It may not be possible to stay well. God calls us where possible to live in peace. (Hebrews 12:14). Paul tells us as much as it depends on us, be at peace with people. (Romans 12:18). Why is this important? Because constant turmoil, uncertainty, bullying, and conflict with someone who is close in our life impacts our bodies, spirits, and souls. It has long-term negative consequences. The book of Proverbs repeatedly warns us of this.

What People Are Saying About Leslie’s Walking In CORE Strength Group

I did the CORE class this last year. It helped me realize needed help. The coaches and other group participants were so helpful. They loved me, supported me and helped me when I felt down. This was such a great investment in my healing.

– Marianne S.


Leslie wants to help you grow in your personal and relational effectiveness. Please submit your questions by clicking here.

Then, visit Leslie's Blog as she posts her responses to one question per week.

Note: Due to the volume of questions that Leslie receives, she is unable to respond to every question.


Leslie Vernick PO Box 5312 Sun City West, Arizona 85376 United States