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What's New:

  • TODAY – “Four (4) lies that can make you feel crazy and powerless in your destructive marriage and what you can do to stop it” webinar starts at 12 PM ET. You can still join us by clicking here.
  • The 2018 Conquer Conference: Be Brave, Grow Strong tickets are here. This event happening October 2018, will be amazing. You can click here for more information.

Managing Your Negative Emotions

By Leslie Vernick

Jesus asked a man who had been paralyzed for a very long time, “Do you want to be healed?” (Read John 5 for the story).

Sounds like a crazy question. Who wouldn’t want to be whole? But Jesus knew that healing this man would not fix his entire life. It would only fix his legs. In fact, healing him would bring new challenges and life changes that this man had never faced. For example, he would no longer be able to beg for his support. He would now need to find some sort of work. He would now have to make new relationships where he wasn’t the needy dependent one. How would that impact him? Would he find a woman to love? Would he get married? Have children? Contribute to society and learn to give back to others less fortunate than he was?

Being willing for God to heal us is something most of us want, but we expect the next steps to be easy, which they often are not. For example, we want God to heal our marriage, heal our hurts, or take away our bitterness, but once we’re healed, then what is or want to do many things, such as lose weight, save money, run a marathon, or become healthier, but if we don’t learn how to do these things and practice doing them, we will not achieve the things we want to do. Proverbs tells us to apply what God is showing us to our daily life. (Proverbs 23:12).

This is where self-control and self-discipline come in. Without these skills, life becomes a mess.

This happens with our physical bodies and our inner life, as well as our relationships with others. For example, when we fail to control our eating, we gain weight or get sick. If we recklessly wound others with a tongue that is out of control we hurt others and ruin relationships.

For example, learning self-control over my body means I choose (my will) to do physical exercise because it is consistent with wanting to be healthy and in reasonably good shape (my thoughts/beliefs/desires). Rarely do I feel like it (temporary feelings). I want to be healthy (my thoughts, feelings and will are involved with this desire), but, I always feel like eating junk food, especially chocolate (bodily cravings due to ingrained bad habits).

I chose (my will, exercising self-control) not to give in to my temporary emotional states or fleshly appetites (most of the time), because they are inconsistent with the person I want to be and become. The benefit is that as I get healthier and stronger physically, I feel better and like myself more. The Bible warns us that the consequences of an undisciplined life is self-hatred (Proverbs 15:32).

Learning to deny ourselves what we want isn’t meant to make us more miserable. It is always a means to gain something better. No one gets it to have it all. Therefore, we often must be willing to give up something we like for something we want.

For example, I choose to give up eating everything I want in order to stay at a reasonable weight. I let go of my tendency toward self-pity in order to take responsibility for my life and get mentally and emotionally stronger. To have a happy marriage, I need to give up my selfish ways.

Jesus tells us that when we are willing to give up our lives for him, we end up finding our life (Matthew 10:39).

The miracle that occurs is as I deny myself these small things, I gain so much more. I gain more health, more love, more virtue, more purpose to my life, more depth of character, more self-respect, more self-control and discipline and greater self-esteem. Not a bad trade.

Understand this crucial truth. We are always in the process of becoming. We are either becoming better or worse, healthier or not, more godly or more sinful, more willing or more willful. We get to choose which direction we will walk in.

God gives us the path to greater growth, mental, emotional, and relational health. Do you allow his words to be the final say in your life? Are you willing to allow God’s word, his truth, to heal and transform your heart – which are your thoughts, your emotions, desires, and your will?


Be Free

by Gari Meachum

“Be Free”, a new Bible study created for First Place 4 Health, will teach you that freedom is neither perfection nor permission. The trouble isn't in the systems; it's our pursuit of perfection within them. Perhaps you've followed a plan and lost weight, but the minute you're not perfect with food you return to old habits and start gaining weight. Perfection bears down on our will and offers us only two choices: eat perfectly, or live like a failure with little self-control. Freedom offers so much more than the chains of perfection. Join us as we lock arms and travel this freedom terrain together. When we're through, we'll boldly be able to state, “I know the truth, and the truth can set me free.” This First Place 4 Health Bible study contains 12 weeks of daily study to help you put Christ in first place, as well as weekly Live It Trackers to document your progress. Also included is an inspirational CD by Vicki Heath about finding moving from fear to freedom in our relationship with food. Two complete weeks of menu plans with recipes and detailed nutrition information are included.

Two winners will be selected in our next newsletter.

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide name and email address.

The winners of “Intimate Deception” by Dr. Sherri Keffer are Donna A. and Kelly N.


Upcoming Events

September 28th and 29th
Conference Dallas, TX

October 12th and 13th
Conquer Conference

October 26th and 27th
1st Baptist Church
Houna, LA

November 2nd and 3rd
AACC New Life Summit
Charlotte, North Carolina http://charlotte.cmhcsummit.com/

Want to have Leslie speak at your event? Click here to find out more information.

My Husband Never Apologizes

Question: What do I do when my husband hurts my feelings but does not apologize?

When I tell him what the facts are and what caused him to hurt me, he either denies something was said or done or says to me I am sorry you are feeling that way. I do not know how to respond. I do not know what to do or to feel or think.

Answer: I chose this question for this week because I think this problem is pretty typical in many marriages as well as other relationships.

Our pride is powerful and makes it hard for us to admit that our behaviors or words harmed another person.

Pride is exactly what causes our downfall, personally, relationally and spiritually. Even with God, it’s difficult for people to admit they are sinners, confess that they did wrong, and ask God for forgiveness.

Ideally in any relationship, when you express to someone that he or she has hurt or harmed you in some way, that person shows concern. Even if he or she did not mean to cause harm, concern, and compassion should be expressed. For example, if I accidentally step on someone’s toe, I don’t make excuses for my actions, even though they were not intended to cause that person harm. I demonstrate care for that other person’s hurt toe and apologize.

Your husband’s apology, when he does give it seems backhanded. He’s sorry that you feel upset, but not because of anything he’s actually done to cause you to feel hurt but just because you are overreacting or misinterpreting. By doing this he appears to care about your feelings, but not because those feelings are linked to anything he’s actually done to cause them.

Here’s What People are Saying About Leslie's Introduction to CORE Strength Class

“My favorite part was just getting to hear directly from Leslie on the subject. I actually found that I have started attempting to operate from my CORE without even knowing it. I definitely need work in some areas, but the validation that I am headed in the right direction was great! The affirmation and encouragement from her. Knowing that I'm not the only one out there trying to do as God would have me, but still feeling stuck and alone at times.”


Leslie wants to help you grow in your personal and relational effectiveness. Please submit your questions by clicking here.

Then, visit Leslie's Blog as she posts her responses to one question per week.

Note: Due to the volume of questions that Leslie receives, she is unable to respond to every question.


Leslie Vernick PO Box 5312 Sun City West, Arizona 85376 United States