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What's New:

  • Change Your Story: Change Your life: I am doing a brand new workshop on December 6th. I will be teaching on going from Breakdown to Breakthrough. You are going to love it! You can save your seat at leslievernick.com/joinworkshop

Happiness Isn’t Where
You Think It Is

Leslie Vernick

Is happiness possible? That may sound like a dumb question. Of course it’s possible…if…

We all have an internal “if.” How would you finish the sentence for your own life? “Happiness is possible for me if… “

Now finish this sentence: “I’m not happy because… “

Really take a few moments to answer those questions before you read on. Grab a pen and paper and write out your response.

I don’t want to take away from the real pain that may be held in the way you completed those sentences. And I’m not going to ask you to sweep your feelings under the rug with the wave of a Bible verse. But I am going to ask you to open your heart and mind to what I have to say.

First, let me make a concession. Happy feelings would be a lot easier to come by if our circumstances were perfect. But, hear me. That is never going to happen. Not for anyone (no matter how it may look on Facebook or Instagram).

Here is a key truth I want you to remember: Life usually contains a yea and an ugh…at the same time. See, true inner happiness (more than just happy feelings) doesn’t involve the absence of pain. And it certainly doesn’t mean denying that pain is there.

Life can bring horrific pain: abuse, the loss of a loved one, financial devastation, broken trust, divorce, debilitating health issues, natural disasters, wayward children, the list is almost endless.

How can some people face excruciating life circumstances and still manage to live a fulfilling life and others, some with very little challenges, descend into depression and addiction?

Heartfelt happiness is the result of truthful thinking.

So many people think they will have happiness when they lose a certain amount of weight. But, think about it. There’s a lot of skinny, miserable people in the world, right? So, while you might feel better in your own skin, losing weight doesn’t equal happiness. Maybe you’re thinking you could be happy if your husband changed. And, while it’s true that life might be a lot easier, there’s plenty of women with great husbands who still struggle with unhappiness.

Happiness isn’t about feeling or looking fabulous and never feeling pain. It’s about feeling whatever pain comes into your life and transforming how we look at it; transforming our suffering into purpose so we don’t become crippled by it.

Lasting happiness has way more to do with your internal world than your circumstances. When your internal dialogue always has that “if”, you can count on never finding happiness. Because life will never be perfect enough.

That doesn’t mean you give up on goals or stop striving to make your life better. It means you stop looking at the finish line for happiness and, instead, allow happiness to be with you on the journey.

Book Giveaway


The Emotionally Destructive Marriage

by Leslie Vernick

You can’t put it into words, but something is happening to you. Your stomach churns, your heart aches, and the tension in your marriage is making you feel weary and a little crazy. The constant criticism, disrespect, cruelty, deceit, and gross indifference are eroding your confidence and breaking your spirit.

For any woman caught in an emotionally destructive marriage, Leslie Vernick offers a personalized path forward. Based on decades of counseling experience, her intensely practical, biblical advice will show you how to establish boundaries and break free from emotional abuse. Learn to: ·

  • identify damaging behaviors
  • gain the skills to respond wisely
  • promote healthy change
  • stay safe
  • understand when, why, and even how to leave
  • recognize that God sees and hates what is happening to you

Trying harder to be a perfect fantasy wife won’t help fix what’s wrong your marriage. Discover instead how you can initiate effective changes to stop the cycle of destruction and restore hope for the future.

Two winners will be selected in our next newsletter! (Giveaway only available to U.S. residents)

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide name and email address.

The winners of “The Emotionally Destructive Marriage” by Leslie Vernick are Tammy W. and Patty W.

Enter For Your Chance to Win

Nothing Changes if Nothing Changes

By LeAnne Parsons

Question: What do I do now that my husband knows I mean business, and I am not going to put up with his emotional abuse? He’s been on his best behavior. I’m thinking the real him will come out because he hasn’t got help and he is a blame shifter.

Answer: Thank you so much for your question. I appreciate your heart and your desire to shift and change the atmosphere in your home, in your heart, and in your relationship.

The first part of your question invites the discussion “what do I do now?”

I am assuming that you have had some hard yet honest conversations with your husband that have included how you would like to be treated moving forward. How he chooses to respond/react over time to your newfound strength will say much about the condition of his heart.

Congratulations that you are no longer willing to receive his emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is harmful and destructive to any relationship, it grieves the very heart of God.

Before we talk about what you can do, let’s be honest about 3 things you cannot do…

What People Are Saying About Leslie’s book “The Emotionally Destructive Relationship”

The Lord changed my life through this book. Leslie Vernick pointed me to a deeper relationship with Jesus and to emotionally healthy choices every step of the way. I was able to gain perspective on the reality of the emotional abuse I'd been living through for so long. Realizing the truth of my situation and reaching out for help brought me to a place of being able to make bold decisions that ultimately led to redemption between me and my husband and our family. Now I always recommend this book when I encounter others who are dealing with abusive relationships.

I can't say this book is a stand alone fix all, but it is filled with wisdom, empowerment to take healthy steps and make healthy choices without feeling guilty, encouragement to set boundaries for healthy relationships, and clarity about the reality of toxic relationships and why it's worth fighting for change because you are worth it. It also shows you how to invite the Lord into the whole process.

As a side note my husband and I went to a counselor eventually. When nothing progressed and I was “done” our counselor gave this book to my husband to read. He did so and was cut to the core when he realized what he'd been doing to me. He came to me sincerely remorseful and asked my forgiveness. Though we still had a long road ahead it was a pivotal point when our marriage and family were rescued.

―Dana F.


Leslie wants to help you grow in your personal and relational effectiveness. Please submit your questions by clicking here.

Then, visit Leslie's Blog as she posts her responses to one question per week.

Note: Due to the volume of questions that Leslie receives, she is unable to respond to every question.


Leslie Vernick PO Box 5312 Sun City West, Arizona 85376 United States