Facebook Twitter Pinterest Instagram

What's New:

  • Moving Beyond Challenge: My annual challenge is back and it’s better than ever. If you have ever struggled with saying no while still being kind. Or learning to have a hard conversation? This is for you. The challenge is only $17 and you can save your spot at leslievernick.com/challenge

Growing Up and Becoming Healthy

by Leslie Vernick LSCW

Jesus asked a man who had been paralyzed for a very long time, “Do you want to be healed?” (Read John 5 for the story).

Sounds like a crazy question. Who wouldn’t want to be whole and healthy? But Jesus knew that healing this man would not fix his entire life. It would only fix his legs. Healing would bring this man new challenges and life changes that he had never faced before. He would also need to mature.

For example, he would no longer be able to beg for his support. He would now need to find some sort of work. He would now have to make new relationships where he wasn’t the needy dependent one. How would that impact him? Would he get married? Have children? Contribute to society and learn to give back to others less fortunate than he was?

Being willing for God to heal us is something most of us want, but we expect things to be easy, which they often are not. For example, we want God to heal our marriage, heal our hurts, or take away our bitterness, but then what? And often God’s healing also requires us doing some work of our own such as losing weight, eating healthier, saving money, learning to manage conflict in a healthy way, or figuring out how to speak up for ourselves without attacking or blaming someone else for our own problems.

We can want to be more mature, or healthier as a person, but if we don’t learn how to do these things and practice doing them, we will not achieve the things we want to do. Proverbs tells us to apply what God is showing us to our daily life (Proverbs 23:12).

This is where self-control and self-discipline come in. Without these skills, life becomes a mess. This happens with our physical bodies and our inner life, as well as our relationships with others. For example, when we fail to control our eating, we gain weight or get sick. If we recklessly wound others with a tongue that is out of control we hurt others and ruin relationships.

Exhibiting self-control over my body means I choose (my will) to do physical exercise because it is consistent with wanting to be healthy and in reasonably good shape (my thoughts/beliefs/desires).

Rarely do I feel like it (temporary feelings). I want to be healthy (my thoughts, feelings and will are involved with this desire), but, I always feel like eating junk food, especially chocolate (bodily cravings due to ingrained bad habits).

I chose (my will, exercising self-control) not to give in to my temporary emotional states or fleshly appetites (most of the time), because they are inconsistent with the person I want to be and become. The benefit is that as I get healthier and stronger physically, I feel better and like myself more. The Bible warns us that the consequences of an undisciplined life is self-hatred (Proverbs 15:32).

Learning to deny ourselves what we want isn’t meant to make us more miserable. It is always a means to gain something better. No one gets it to have it all. Therefore, we often must be willing to give up something we like for something we want. This is one of the marks of a mature person.

For example, I choose to give up eating everything I want in order to stay at a reasonable weight. I must let go of my tendency toward self-pity in order to take responsibility for my life and get mentally and emotionally stronger. To have a happy marriage, I need to give up my selfish ways. Jesus tells us that when we are willing to give up our lives for him, we end up finding our life (Matthew 10:39).

The miracle that occurs is as I deny myself these small things, I gain so much more. I gain more health, more love, more virtue, more purpose to my life, more depth of character, more self-respect, more self-control and discipline and greater self-esteem. Not a bad trade.

Understand this crucial truth. You and I are always in the process of becoming. We are either becoming better or worse, healthier or not, more godly or more sinful, more willing or more willful. We get to choose which direction we will walk in.

God gives us the path to greater growth, mental, emotional, and relational health. Do you allow His words to be the final say in your life? Are you willing to allow God’s word, his truth, to heal and transform your heart – which are your thoughts, your emotions, desires, and your will?

If you’d like more help with Growing Up and Moving Beyond Unhealthy Habits, I invite you to participate in my Five Day Challenge, Moving Beyond, starting June 21. The cost is only $17 and you can save your spot at leslievernick.com/challenge


How to Live Right When Your Life Goes Wrong

by Leslie Vernick

Despite the abundant availability of both self-help books and Bible study materials, many of us find it difficult to apply what we learn, to make that long head-to-heart journey of change. When we are faced with life’s daily trials, our responses often lack the Christian maturity we desire–showing us clearly just how far we have to go. Is it possible to achieve a deeper, more permanent change of heart?

Discover the Principle that Could Transform Your Life. Now, through one practical, simple-to-understand and easy-to-remember model, you can:

• Gain a new perspective on the troubles God allows in your life.

• Come to better understand your response to those trials.

• Discover the underlying idols that hamper your efforts to change.

• Learn how to discern the truth of God’s Word.

• Develop the heart response that will draw you closer to God.

Come on a journey of personal growth and spiritual discovery as your heart is drawn back to a central tenet of the Gospel: Truth isn’t something you learn, but Someone you know. And the Truth will set you free.

Two winners will be selected in our next newsletter! One winner for each book (Giveaway only available to U.S. residents)

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide name and email address.

The winners of “How to Live Right When Your Life Goes Wrong” by Leslie Vernick is Holly M. and Rhea B.



Want to have Leslie speak at your event?
Click here to find out more information.

Lighthouse Christian Church
October 22nd and 23rd
Rosemount, Minnesota

The Village Church
December 3rd
Flowermound, TX

Center for Christian Counseling
Date TBA
Madison, WI

Must I Forget to Forgive?

Working for over 30 years with couples attempting to recover from serious marital sin, I have often heard one of them say, “Why can’t you just forgive and forget?” or “You’re holding onto the past. Can’t we start with a clean slate?” or, “God says love keeps no record of wrongs.” or “That we’re to forget the former things. Each day is a fresh start.”

Christian counselors are also guilty of using these same phrases with their clients, usually when the one who has been sinned against feels stuck and is unable or unwilling to be silenced and continues to bring up past offenses or hurts in the counseling session.

There is a time for putting the past in the past, but doing so doesn’t mean forgetting the past, it means healing from it. We must never forget the past because…

What People Are Saying About Leslie’s Moving Beyond People Pleasing Class

Moving Beyond People Pleasing especially helped me identify specifically the changes I needed to make. I learned I could move toward my husband with empathy and support for my husband without feeling like I have to FIX him. With repeated practice this has helped me overcome MY problem of owning HIS issues and taking responsibility for my husband's happiness. In the process of owning my problem, it also helped me take ownership of releasing my anger and bitterness because I was choosing not to be a victim of my husband’s unhealthy expectations and demands.

-Lucy (Past Participant)


Leslie wants to help you grow in your personal and relational effectiveness. Please submit your questions by clicking here.

Then, visit Leslie's Blog as she posts her responses to one question per week.

Note: Due to the volume of questions that Leslie receives, she is unable to respond to every question.


Leslie Vernick PO Box 5312 Sun City West, Arizona 85376 United States