Have you ever confronted someone about an issue only to get a finger pointed back… “Well, you….” Then, the conversation suddenly becomes about defending yourself or proving who has committed the worst offenses. Truth be told, you may have made some pretty bad decisions said some awful things. That’s why these conversations can be so confusing and frustrating.
If the Bible is clear about anything, it’s that we are all sinners in need of a Savior.
- For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23
- No one is righteous, no, not one. Romans 3:10
- Therefore you have no excuse, O man, every one of you who judges. For in passing judgement on another you condemn yourself, because you, the judge, practice the very same things. Romans 2:1-2
- For we all stumble in many ways. And if anyone does not stumble in what he says, he is a perfect man, able also to bridle his whole body.
Understanding that we are all sinners means even the healthiest of marriages is a union of two people who will, at times, hurt one another. Say things they shouldn’t say. Do things they shouldn’t do.
This is why the Bible talks so much about grace and forgiveness. Without them, no relationship would survive!
While we are all sinners, not everyone thinks about or deals with their sin in the same way. And that is often the key to whether a relationship remains healthy or becomes destructive.
HEALTHY SINNERS WILL:
- Admit responsibility for their sin
- Make amends for the damage their sin has caused
- Show care for the damage caused (the impact of their sin)
- Repent and work hard not to repeat that sin
On the other hand, UNHEALTHY, IMMATURE SINNERS WILL:
- Deny, ignore, and even blame others for their sin. Gaslighting is a favorite tactic to deflect from dealing with their own issues.
- Expect amnesty for their sin. They love verses on forgiveness and not throwing the first stone but conveniently ignore verses about repentance and submission.
- Not discuss the impact of their sin.
- Feels bad for the pain their sin causes them (consequences), yet they will continue to repeat the behavior.
Ultimately, how one responds to their sin has everything to do with the condition of their heart. Renowned 1700s theologian Jonathan Edwards said, “The heart of man is exceedingly prone to undue and sinful anger, being naturally full of pride and selfishness.”
It’s so easy for our hearts to become selfish and hardened to the voice of God. To become unable to empathize with another’s pain yet be acutely aware of our own.
This is why Scripture repeatedly warns us to care for our hearts:
- Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Psalm 51:10
- And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:7
- Test me, LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; Psalm 26:2
- May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, LORD, my Rock, and my Redeemer. Psalm 19:14
There are many more verses about the heart, but Proverbs 4:23 sums them all up: “Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
You cannot guard another person’s heart. That is their work to do. But you can – and must – guard your own. A.W. Tozer said, “The neglected heart will soon be a heart overrun with worldly thoughts; the neglected life will soon become a moral chaos.”
You will always be a sinner while living on this Earth. But choose to be a sinner with an open and responsive heart to God.
