Leslie Vernick
June 7th, 2016                                                                           
What's New?
  • Conquer Conference: Oct., 14th and 15th. Becoming The Best Possible You – Inside and Out. Join us for this amazing live event! CLICK HERE to get all the details and to register!
  • TOMORROW –  Leslie will be doing her 1st ever Facebook Live Stream. Please go to her FAN PAGE and say hello. She will also love to give advise on how to set up boundaries and say NO. Join us at 2:30 PM EST.

10 Ways To Say No Without Saying The Word No

By Leslie Vernick



One of the hardest words for many people to say to someone else is the word No.  The thought of actually telling someone “No I can’t help you today.”  Or “No I don’t want to attend your wedding or graduation party.” Or “No I don’t like that or think the way you do,” sends them into sheer panic.


Do you fear disappointing someone with your No?  Or get sick with worry that someone will become angry or reject you if you are truly honest with how you feel and say No?


Popular author Ann Lamont writes, “No, is the shortest sentence.”  But for some people saying no, feels cruel, harsh, or unloving.  Therefore, I want to give you ten softer ways to say no without using the actual word.  Here they are:


1. I’m so sorry but my schedule just won’t allow it. 


2. Thank you so much for inviting me but I won’t be able to attend.


3. Thank you so much for asking me but that won’t work for me.


4. I can’t, I’m sorry.


5. I won’t be able to do that, I’m sorry, perhaps another time.


6. I have to cut down on some things in order to keep my life more balanced so I’m going to have to decline.


7. If I say yes to this, I have to say no to some other things that are very important. I’m sorry but I can’t.


8. Let me think about it. (This buys you time where you work up your courage to say one of the other forms of soft no.) 


9. I’d love to, …but I can’t. (other variations – my schedule won’t allow it, or I have other plans, or I’ll have to take a rain check.


10.  I’m not sure I think the same way you do on that.  Or I have some different thoughts about that, would you like to hear them.


Now it’s your turn.  


Share with me some ways you say no without using the word no. Put it on my Facebook Fan Page.


I will also be doing my very 1st Facebook Live stream on Wednesday, June 8th at 2:30 PM EST. I would love for you to join me. Simply go to my Facebook Fan Page on Wednesday and you will see the video at 2:30 PM EST. 


Come to this event where I will be answering your questions about saying No. 


Did I Enable Sexual Abuse? 

Question: I had the privilege of watching your webinar recently and enjoyed some insight in this clip…..and now I have a question. My husband sexually assaulted me over a year ago. He thought that I was leaving him and felt it necessary to ‘demonstrate’ to me how good we were together.


I was fearful and gave into him, as often saying no to him meant he would tell me I wasn’t normal. My family became aware of the situation and went to the police who later called me and asked if I would like to talk with them.


I realized that things were quickly spinning and I declined to talk with the police saying that I needed to first talk to a counselor to make sure I wasn’t going crazy.


I was blinded by disbelief and could not grasp this as being abusive. His calling me not normal had become so repetitive through the years and I believed it.


I never follow-up with the police. My husband found out about their involvement and has accused my family of being crazy. He told me that a police report like that would make him lose his job and that would hurt our family because we wouldn’t have money.


He also said that children’s aid would get involved and our children would be taken away. In the subsequent year, my husband denied doing anything wrong. He has told family and friends that I am mentally ill and even satanic.


My question is, did I enable his behavior because I didn’t stick up for myself and ultimately shielded him from the law because of the fear he instilled in me with regards to money and my children?


I struggle with this daily and welcome your comments.


Answer: First I am sorry for what you’ve been through. Your story is not the first one told on this blog of sexual abuse in marriage but it always breaks my heart to hear it.


It’s curious to me how the one who does the wrong so easily twists things to look like you are the cause of the disastrous consequences (job loss, money problems, perhaps jail time, Child Services being involved) if you simply tell the truth about what happened.


Obviously, he knew he crossed the line when he violated you, not to mention he knew he broke the law or he wouldn’t have been so worried about you talking to the police. That said, your question is really about your part. Did you enable?


We’ve just had two blogs about fear, how it can capture us, muzzle us, and beat us silly with its lies. Here are some of the lies I hear you falling for.


Lie # 1: I’m afraid I’m not normal if I don’t want to have sex with my husband every time he wants it. Something is wrong with me.


Connect With Me

10 Ways To Say No Without Saying The Word No


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Take a look at the upcoming events to watch for from Leslie
Living A Praying Life

Did I Enable Sexual Abuse? 

For more information on Leslie's coaching program, please click below:


Coaching Programs

Living A Praying Life

Jennifer Kennedy Dean

Practical yet powerful insights from Jennifer Kennedy Dean’s life’s work and best-selling Live a Praying Life®! 


Now in a newly designed format, Live a Praying Life®! will… 


• Provide the biblical basics of prayer’s purpose, process, promise, and practice.


• Give easy-to-understand illustrations, stories, and details to answer complex theological questions.


• Clean out myths about prayer! 


• Help you rev up a powerful, ongoing connection to God.


“Studying and teaching this book was one of the most satisfying experiences of my Christian life. My personal prayer life has been changed, and those who have taken the journey with me have told me that it has also been for them a revelation/revolution.”

— Dr. Russell Ware

If you would like to enter to win, you can click here to provide your name and email address.
Winners of Distinctly You by Cheryl Martin are Tracie B. and Beve R. 

August 23rd – 24th, 2016

The Village Church

Dallas, TX


September 15th, 2016

The Gatehouse

Dallas, TX


September 14th – 17th, 2016

AACC Marriage Conference

Intercontinental Dallas

Dallas, TX


October 1st – 2nd, 2016

Bethany Wesleyan Church

Cherryville, PA


October 14th – 15, 2016

Becoming the Best Possible

You – Both Inside and Out

Allentown, PA.

CLICK HERE to register.




“I love being able to be in touch with you and with other women who know what I love being able to be in touch with you and with other women who know what i am going through. 


I love being able to listen to the playback during times when I can't “be there” in person for the calls. I love knowing there is help out there, and receiving the supplementary videos and articles. The thing I love the most is the specific feedback on how to respond to situations. Thanks!





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