I got home safe and sound from a wonderful dream trip to Italy. I’ve wanted to visit Italy for years and years and this beautiful country did not disappoint. There was so much history, so much beauty, so much fun, beautiful weather and great food to feast on day after day. Here are some of my favorite pictures. You can see more on my FB page.
I so appreciate this community supporting, challenging and encouraging one another even in my absence. I could not get into my blog response panel while away so I couldn’t comment, but did read everyone’s post.
I want you to know that I welcome comments relevant to the purpose of the blog even if I don’t agree with them. The reason I do this, is not only for my benefit (I’m not always right and I need good feedback from others), but also for you to continue to grow in your abilities to think for yourself, to go to God with the scriptural validity of certain comments, to disagree when you need to and get practice handling differences and conflicts from your growing CORE strength. These are crucial components to your emotional, mental and spiritual stability. What better place to learn and practice sharing your own ideas and speaking up about something that is bothering you than in this community?
I’m starting a brand new three-session class on Letting Go of Negative Emotions starting Thursday, May 28th. If you would like more information click here.
Instead of doing a new blog for today, I’m posting my top 5 post on emotionally destructive marriages.
“In a destructive marriage one person pushes and pressures to get his/her own way by ignoring stated or implied boundaries, trying to get a person to back down, or to make him or her feel guilty or afraid so that the person will give in and give them what they want. In a destructive marriage, the victimized spouse is not allowed to be different, have her own thoughts, feelings, desires or agenda. She is not loved for who she is, but for his idea of who she should be. When she fails to live up to his idealized image, punishment results.”
“They want you to believe that their horrible actions should have no serious or painful consequences. When they say, “I’m sorry”, they look to you as the pastor or Christian counselor to be their advocate for amnesty with the person they have harmed. They believe grace means they are immediately granted immunity from the relational fallout of their serious sin. They believe forgiveness entitles them to full reconciliation and will pressure you and their victim to comply.”
“For you to guard your heart you will need to set boundaries on what you will listen to or engage in and what you will walk away from when your spouse is destructive. When he blames you or tries to draw you in, you will tell yourself the truth, “This is not my fault, I do not make him choose to act this way and I will NOT take responsibility for his behaviors or feelings.” When he’s charming and brings flowers, you will need to say to yourself , “Don’t be fooled. These token gestures of kindness are meaningless when I see no change in his heart.”
“Truth will help you know when boundaries are important and how to set them. For example, when he begins his angry tirade you might stop talking, turn around and walk away. If he continues, leave the house. When you return you can say something like, “I can’t listen to you when you scream at me. You would do the same if I talked to you that way.” Keep it short and simple. Or “I don’t want to feel angry and hateful toward you so I’m leaving until you can cool down.” Then do it.”
“The standard thought in marital distress is that it takes two to tango, and therefore both parties need to be present in order to understand the dynamics of the relationship as well as work toward a solution. However, let me give you a few reasons why couple’s counseling is not helpful and can even be dangerous in destructive marriages …. ”
Have you heard all the talk about our CONQUER Support Group? Find our more here.
Friends, what blog post or newsletter articles have been your favorites?