Dear Blog Readers:
I apologize for my absence from my blog. My daughter recently got married and I took some time off just to be a “mom” and plan and recover from the wedding. It was great! If you want to see a picture, sign up for my newsletter at my home page www.leslievernick.com. A photo will be in August’s newsletter.
I will post a new question and answer every Monday. If you’d like to submit questions, contact me on my website. While I can’t answer every question, I will respond to as many as I can.
Q. My daughter just informed us that she is a lesbian. We are Christians and feel devastated. We don’t know how to handle this or interact with our daughter or her “friend”. Help! We feel so alone. Donna in Connecticut
A.It is never easy for us as parents when our children make major life choices that differ from our own values and beliefs. As Christian parents it is especially hard because we have God’s word that shapes our values and defines sinful behavior quite specifically.
Yet, all of us are sinners and all of us sin in many ways. That will be an important principle that will help you continue to show grace and love in the midst of your daughter’s choice. God demonstrates his love towards us in that while we were sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8). That does not mean anything goes and that we do not speak up or set boundaries against sinful behaviors or lifestyles. It just means that we don’t throw stones at sinners because none of us is without sin.
That said, what specifically can you do to show truth and grace, love and mercy toward your daughter, and perhaps even her friend? We’ve heard the phrase hate the sin, love the sinner. But actually doing it isn’t always easy. Your daughter must have had enough confidence in her relationship with you as her parents that she opted to be honest with you. Now ask her if you can be honest with her.
After you’ve had some time to collect your thoughts and process your shock and grief (and perhaps you may need some counseling or additional support to do so) invite her to come and talk – without her friend. You might say something like this:
“Honey, we love you. We are your parents and will always love you no matter what. But we are so sad that you are walking contrary to what God says is best. We don’t understand everything about how you feel or what has caused you to make this choice. But we know that God still loves us, even while we still sin. That’s why it’s called amazing grace. We don’t earn it or deserve it. None of us do. We hope that someday you will realize how much God loves you and you will want to follow him more.”
Let that sink in some and see how she responds. You will have to decide whether in the future you will allow her “friend” to come over with your daughter for family visits. It’s tempting to ban her friend but that’s won’t change your daughter’s heart – it will probably only alienate her. I would pray about the possible positive influence you and your husband can still be in your daughter life as well as with her gay friends.
Many Christians view homosexuals in the same way the people of Christ’s day viewed lepers. They were outcasts! Untouchables. Rejects. But Jesus always stopped to minister to the lepers. Let God show you how to turn what Satan meant for evil, into something beautiful for his glory.