Char,
God sees you. Trust him for the answers. Sometimes they don’t look like the world( even the church) thinks they should. God knows. Seek him first with your scared broken heart!!
Psalm 34:17-18 NIV
[17] The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. [18] The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
I listened to you video. I loved your book and I do appreciate the teaching.
I want to say that sometimes fear is very difficult to escape.
My husband lies, cheats, hits, breaks things, murders our pets, destroys our property, calls our kids horrible names, hits our children in the face and repeatedly with hockey sticks, (ages 1-10) steels, assaults others, is financially irresponsible. After years of unfaithfulness, neglect, disrespect and control I had the courage to contact the police and ask for help.
My husband got away with it all. I had notes, dates, audio recordings, text messages and witnesses but still the criminal justice system failed us.
After the aquital his anger and control grew. He has a no contact order because additional charges were laid for contacting us and following us, but he still sits down the street and watches, drives by the house, asks others for information about us.
My husband is in an adulterous relationship. This woman is wealthy and covers his legal expenses, and covers for him when he lies.
He is a trained military sniper and has stolen bullets and scopes from his unit and stores them in our home that he is not to have access to but enters when I’m not there. I believes he’s determined to keep me bound by fear.
Truthfully , I am.
I believed God would change him because I heard that lie from church leadership so many times over the years.
I’m afraid of the lie that he may be a bad husband but he could be a good Dad. Simply not true.
We have 6 chikdren and I’ve had to change my location 5 times over the last two years in an attempt to stay safe.
The police haven’t changed with his continued breaches of conditions because I can’t swear without a doubt it was him who was driving his truck, or him who was in the house.
I am afraid.
I can name my fear, I can look for support, but I still fear.
My husband had told me he could kill me with his hands and threatened to crush my daughters throat if she bit her nails.
My husband attends events with his adulterous partner, is seen publically but still has friend contact me to profess his love, faithfulness and desire to be together.
His friends won’t hold him accountable, his parents won’t, the church won’t…
I’m left fearing family court knowing a judge could make the terrible mistake of letting a psychopath care for our children. He does not financially support our family and hasn’t for the two years since the first charge was laid.
I am afraid and I don’t know how to overcome that.
I feel like my fear is real.
Abuse is a lonely place because it’s hard to explain. I was even sent a text message by our pastor once telling me I needed to take action or I wouldn’t be believed wondering why I hadn’t acted sooner. He was equally responsible to contact the police knowing our lives were at risk.
I’m expected to be strong and courageous while dealing with single parenting, financial hardship and judgement.
I trust God but my heart aches. I am afraid
Dear Char,
I struggle with my journey and especially the loniless of wanting someone to just talk to and to let it all out in my days of sadness and fear of the future, but you my poor dear are suffering much. I understand your fear and your bravery. You are treasured by God and don’t forget it.
You are special in His eyes and He is your Shepherd.
I live in Australia, but I will keep you and your children in my prayers. One day at a time my dear sister and may God pitch His tent over you and keep you safe. I hope you have someone come across your path who can give you strength and support.
Sending love and a very big hug your way.
Love Gail xo
I wish I’d had the courage to leave 30 years ago, 20 years ago, 10 years ago. Every time I separated, he got all loving, apologetic and a “changed man”. It would be a good while and then cheating, lying, twisted stories making me look like I was mentally unstable. But I always believed he had changed. Now he really has been working recovery program but my grown children are sick of the twisted stories and secrecy and I’m looking relationship with them and grandkids. Im trying to name the fear and be courageous. Im afraid at 67byears old.
I realized that my husband was threatening me covertly by telling me stories of things he did in the past which built this persona that he is able to do whatever he wants to me. Even though he never laid a hand on me, he made it known that no one who ever tried to take him down was able because of all his military training. Then he allowed his rage to leak out, and the fact that it was so controlled and covert made it all the more terrifying. I tried to be courageous and see behind the mask, but he didn’t want to be seen and known and when I called him on things, he destroyed my reputation at church and I became the one that people shrank back from. He did it by soliciting prayer and support for me because of his great concern for my mental health. All the while I was apologizing for not being strong enough to do all the work without complaining. I couldn’t do it all without support. So I left. I wish and I pray that he will have the veil lifted. But I don’t know how anymore. I wanted someone to love but he refused all love. From me and from the Lord. He says he loves God but then he says love is foreign to him.
Hi Linda,
It is very eerie how similar what you said about your husband and how mine was. Thank you for aharing the covert comments about his sharing stories about other people and his actions towards them. I had been wondering about that behavior and if it was a tactic. My husband even read a book about psychopaths and told me how healing it was because they grew up like him and how like him they are with over baring mom figures and being silenced. I felt for him deeply at the time but didnt realize he could have been saying… “Dont talk back to me or you will make me a psychopath”. I still dont know tho. I do know each time Id try and express how painful his behavior (porn and objectification) has been towards me he’d one up me on the pity and say how angry he is about work, how bad they treat him there and as revenge that he wants to commit suicide at work leaving a note blaming them. I am pretty sure that one was a covert threat of twisted revenge.
Anyways thank you Linda your comment was very helpful to me. I just wanted to know and love my husband too… All parts the good and the bad.
When u said that I make the choice that God leads me to and then I’m not in charge of the results, that resonated. It’s freeing to think through and apply to my past. Thanks
Thanks, I have been afraid to do anything other than ignore my husband’s out bursts. Even though I know how disrespectful they are. But it makes them go away faster. And talking only created long periods of brooding and nasty comments. Easier to ignore and it goes away. I know I have lost my voice pretty much my whole life, even with my parents. With my husband retiring soon. I’m going to have to face my fears, trust God and get my voice back! Thank you Leslie. You have been invaluable to helping me work through this.
Char,
God sees you. Trust him for the answers. Sometimes they don’t look like the world( even the church) thinks they should. God knows. Seek him first with your scared broken heart!!
Psalm 34:17-18 NIV
[17] The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them; he delivers them from all their troubles. [18] The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
I listened to you video. I loved your book and I do appreciate the teaching.
I want to say that sometimes fear is very difficult to escape.
My husband lies, cheats, hits, breaks things, murders our pets, destroys our property, calls our kids horrible names, hits our children in the face and repeatedly with hockey sticks, (ages 1-10) steels, assaults others, is financially irresponsible. After years of unfaithfulness, neglect, disrespect and control I had the courage to contact the police and ask for help.
My husband got away with it all. I had notes, dates, audio recordings, text messages and witnesses but still the criminal justice system failed us.
After the aquital his anger and control grew. He has a no contact order because additional charges were laid for contacting us and following us, but he still sits down the street and watches, drives by the house, asks others for information about us.
My husband is in an adulterous relationship. This woman is wealthy and covers his legal expenses, and covers for him when he lies.
He is a trained military sniper and has stolen bullets and scopes from his unit and stores them in our home that he is not to have access to but enters when I’m not there. I believes he’s determined to keep me bound by fear.
Truthfully , I am.
I believed God would change him because I heard that lie from church leadership so many times over the years.
I’m afraid of the lie that he may be a bad husband but he could be a good Dad. Simply not true.
We have 6 chikdren and I’ve had to change my location 5 times over the last two years in an attempt to stay safe.
The police haven’t changed with his continued breaches of conditions because I can’t swear without a doubt it was him who was driving his truck, or him who was in the house.
I am afraid.
I can name my fear, I can look for support, but I still fear.
My husband had told me he could kill me with his hands and threatened to crush my daughters throat if she bit her nails.
My husband attends events with his adulterous partner, is seen publically but still has friend contact me to profess his love, faithfulness and desire to be together.
His friends won’t hold him accountable, his parents won’t, the church won’t…
I’m left fearing family court knowing a judge could make the terrible mistake of letting a psychopath care for our children. He does not financially support our family and hasn’t for the two years since the first charge was laid.
I am afraid and I don’t know how to overcome that.
I feel like my fear is real.
Abuse is a lonely place because it’s hard to explain. I was even sent a text message by our pastor once telling me I needed to take action or I wouldn’t be believed wondering why I hadn’t acted sooner. He was equally responsible to contact the police knowing our lives were at risk.
I’m expected to be strong and courageous while dealing with single parenting, financial hardship and judgement.
I trust God but my heart aches. I am afraid
Dear Char,
I struggle with my journey and especially the loniless of wanting someone to just talk to and to let it all out in my days of sadness and fear of the future, but you my poor dear are suffering much. I understand your fear and your bravery. You are treasured by God and don’t forget it.
You are special in His eyes and He is your Shepherd.
I live in Australia, but I will keep you and your children in my prayers. One day at a time my dear sister and may God pitch His tent over you and keep you safe. I hope you have someone come across your path who can give you strength and support.
Sending love and a very big hug your way.
Love Gail xo
I wish I’d had the courage to leave 30 years ago, 20 years ago, 10 years ago. Every time I separated, he got all loving, apologetic and a “changed man”. It would be a good while and then cheating, lying, twisted stories making me look like I was mentally unstable. But I always believed he had changed. Now he really has been working recovery program but my grown children are sick of the twisted stories and secrecy and I’m looking relationship with them and grandkids. Im trying to name the fear and be courageous. Im afraid at 67byears old.
I realized that my husband was threatening me covertly by telling me stories of things he did in the past which built this persona that he is able to do whatever he wants to me. Even though he never laid a hand on me, he made it known that no one who ever tried to take him down was able because of all his military training. Then he allowed his rage to leak out, and the fact that it was so controlled and covert made it all the more terrifying. I tried to be courageous and see behind the mask, but he didn’t want to be seen and known and when I called him on things, he destroyed my reputation at church and I became the one that people shrank back from. He did it by soliciting prayer and support for me because of his great concern for my mental health. All the while I was apologizing for not being strong enough to do all the work without complaining. I couldn’t do it all without support. So I left. I wish and I pray that he will have the veil lifted. But I don’t know how anymore. I wanted someone to love but he refused all love. From me and from the Lord. He says he loves God but then he says love is foreign to him.
Hi Linda,
It is very eerie how similar what you said about your husband and how mine was. Thank you for aharing the covert comments about his sharing stories about other people and his actions towards them. I had been wondering about that behavior and if it was a tactic. My husband even read a book about psychopaths and told me how healing it was because they grew up like him and how like him they are with over baring mom figures and being silenced. I felt for him deeply at the time but didnt realize he could have been saying… “Dont talk back to me or you will make me a psychopath”. I still dont know tho. I do know each time Id try and express how painful his behavior (porn and objectification) has been towards me he’d one up me on the pity and say how angry he is about work, how bad they treat him there and as revenge that he wants to commit suicide at work leaving a note blaming them. I am pretty sure that one was a covert threat of twisted revenge.
Anyways thank you Linda your comment was very helpful to me. I just wanted to know and love my husband too… All parts the good and the bad.
Thanks again!
Jane
When u said that I make the choice that God leads me to and then I’m not in charge of the results, that resonated. It’s freeing to think through and apply to my past. Thanks
Thanks, I have been afraid to do anything other than ignore my husband’s out bursts. Even though I know how disrespectful they are. But it makes them go away faster. And talking only created long periods of brooding and nasty comments. Easier to ignore and it goes away. I know I have lost my voice pretty much my whole life, even with my parents. With my husband retiring soon. I’m going to have to face my fears, trust God and get my voice back! Thank you Leslie. You have been invaluable to helping me work through this.