Question: I am a single female, 47 years old. I am not currently nor have I ever been in a relationship. At the age of 6 I was sexually molested for the first time. Not long after that I started looking at my dad's playboy magazines and have struggled with porn ever since. In the past 5 years I have tried to get help but have not had lasting success.

First, why is porn wrong for a single adult not involved in any relationship? Also, it has been very frustrating struggling with this because whenever it's talked about it is always a man's addiction. I know that I can't be the only female out there who struggles with porn. I wish there was more help out there for women, other then just for the spouses of porn addicts. Where can I find help? Stacy in IL

Answer: First let me commend you for your courage in facing your struggle with this problem. It is not easy to recognize that you are caught in a serious addiction. You ask what’s wrong with adults viewing porn but I think you have your answer in how stuck and helpless you feel right now. But you are not alone in questioning whether viewing pornography is an acceptable outlet for expressing one’s sexuality. In a recent study reported in USA Today, 816 students in six colleges were asked about viewing pornography in the last year. Of women respondents, 31 percent reported viewing porn, with only 3 percent viewing at least weekly. Yet, nearly half of the young women interviewed said they didn’t see anything wrong with it. (www.usatoday.com, December 12, 2007)

Women as well as men battle pornography addiction. 34% of female readers of Today’s Christian Woman’s online newsletter admitted to intentionally accessing Internet porn in a recent poll and 1 out of every 6 woman, including Christians, struggles with an addiction to pornography (Today’s Christian Woman, Fall, 2003).

That said, understand that you are not alone, and there are resources out there to help you. However, you now have to decide that although pornography once felt like the answer to your loneliness, sexual frustration or confusion from your earlier molestation, it has enslaved you. It is not giving you life, but death (2 Peter 2:19).

There are three basic steps in breaking an addiction and none of these can be done alone. You need a group of people who will walk with you through this and help you.

1. Confession. This is important because you need to experience the healing balm of grace and mercy when you confess your helplessness, powerlessness and brokenness in front of a loving group of people. The shame and secrecy are mitigated when darkness comes into the light.

2. Accountability. This problem is too big to handle alone. Those in addiction ministries know the value of a group to help you when you feel weak and unable to help yourself. We are all to encourage one another, lest any one of us become hardened by the deceitfulness of sin (Hebrews 3:13)

3. Plan of action. What are you going to do when you are tempted? Who can you call for help? What safeguards do you need to put on your computer? Again, groups can be very helpful in helping you plan out a specific strategy to help your particular pattern.

You mention that you have never been in a relationship. I hope you have some good girlfriends. The internet is no substitute for real people. I would highly encourage you to find a local recovery group to join. It may not specifically have to do with sexual addiction, but I believe you need to be among people. Get involved with a church, a woman’s bible study and other places where you will meet people and hopefully make some friends.

Here are some additional resources for sexual addition you may find helpful:

Woodmont Hills Counseling Ministry offers workshops and a private counseling center that works specifically with addicted women.
866-464-HEAL (toll free)
www.bethesdaworkshops.org

Pure Life Ministries aimed mostly at helping men, but some women have found help through their programs directed at breaking free from sexual sin.
www.purelifeministries.org

Setting Captives Free
Offers online programs to help believers break free from addictive sins, including pornography
www.settingcaptivesfree.com

BOOKS for women struggling with sexual sin and addiction

Every Woman’s Battle by Shannon Ethridge (WaterBrook)

No Stones: Women Redeemed from Sexual Shame by Marnie Ferree (Xulon)