When Healing Costs You: Choosing Truth When It Hurts Most
Dear Beloved Reader,
May is a tender and powerful month for me. It is my birthday month, a season of reflection, and this year, a sacred journey..
For several months, I have been preparing to share at the Called to Peace Women's Conference, and as I pray over my time there, God keeps bringing me back to a simple, tarnished silver teapot that I found many weeks ago sitting on a thrift store shelf. Tarnished, discarded, rejected and not cared for. I saw myself in this tea pot. Perhaps you do too.
As I pack up for the retreat, gather all my snacks, my favorite teas, speaker notes, charging cords, and clothing for variable weather, I am humbled by The Lord's provisions and protection over my life for 6 decades. Girlfriends, please note that I will be sure to pack my vitamins, as well as all my necessary hair products, and highlighter pens. In addition to all the necessities, wrapped up in a soft towel will be my silver tea pot. God has invited me to bring it with me. Not because it's beautiful (yet), but because it tells the story of redemption.
It mirrors what God has done, and is still doing, in me: reclaiming what the world tried to discard, polishing what pain tried to cover, and revealing a shine that was never truly lost.
Today, I want to share something from my heart, for every woman who is finding her voice, setting boundaries, and fighting for her God-given worth — even when it costs more than she imagined.
Today's Question:
“How do I stay faithful to God and true to myself when the people I love are turning against me?”
LeAnne’s Response:
If you're asking that question, know this:
You are not weak. You are waking up.
You are not a rebel. You are refusing to remain in bondage.
You are doing holy, courageous work — and yes, sometimes, it comes with heartbreak.
The Heartbreak No One Talks About
When you begin to heal, it disrupts the dynamics that once kept you small.
Boundaries feel threatening to those who benefited from your silence.
Growth feels like rebellion to those who counted on your compliance.
And sometimes, the ones closest to you — even a spouse or children — may resist your freedom.
It’s devastating when the very people you love turn their hearts away.
But friend, Jesus understands this road.
John 1:11 (NLT) says,
“He came to His own people, and even they rejected Him.”
You are not crazy. You are not selfish.
You are learning to love in a way that honors both God and the person He created you to be.
You Are Not Wrong for Changing and Growing
Setting boundaries is not unbiblical — it's deeply spiritual.
Proverbs 4:23 (NLT) tells us:
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”
Guarding your heart isn’t closing it.
It’s stewarding it.
It’s honoring what God calls precious — even when others refuse to.
Choosing not to enable disrespect is not vengeance.
It’s wisdom.
Choosing peace over pretense is not pride.
It’s courage.
Choosing truth over image is not betrayal.
It’s obedience.
You Are Not Alone in the Fire
Maybe today you feel like you’re standing alone.
Maybe the cost feels too high.
But the Refiner hasn’t left you.
Isaiah 48:10 (NLT) says,
“I have refined you, but not as silver is refined. Rather, I have refined you in the furnace of suffering.”
You are not being punished. You are being purified.
You are not being erased. You are being revealed.
Your Healing Is Worth the Cost
You will not lose what truly belongs to you in Christ.
You may lose illusions.
You may lose people.
Some people will not like the new you. But take comfort, everyone did not like Jesus. It is part of the cost of being authentic.
You may lose fragile, false peace.
You will gain something deeper:
Wholeness.
Freedom.
True identity.
Isaiah 43:1 (NLT) reminds us:
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.”
The One who redeemed you is also the One who will sustain you — even through the ache.
A Call to Action
If you are in a battle today for your dignity, your peace, and your heart, don't shrink back.
- Stay rooted in the Word.
- Stay surrounded by godly voices.
- Stay surrendered to the One who will finish what He started.
Ask yourself:
“Where do I need to keep trusting God even when others turn away?”
Today, take one step closer to healing —
One prayer.
One boundary.
One truth spoken aloud.
You are not alone.
You are seen.
You are stronger than the storm around you.
And sister —
You are still His masterpiece in the making.
I love you.
“Your story isn't over just because others misunderstand it.
Redemption is still unfolding.
Shine anyway.” LeAnne Parsons PCC
26 Comments
Leave a Comment
Ask Your Question
Have a blog question you'd like to submit?
Submit
Your Question
Each week, Leslie & Co. answers an anonymous reader question on the blog. Due to the volume of questions we receive, we cannot answer every one. Please submit your question below:
Read More
Godly Separation: Navigating Finances, Fear, and a Failing Marriage
Happy September, Friends! September has always felt like a month in between, where one thing ends, but the next hasn’t fully begun. The air turns cooler, the days grow shorter, and everything seems to be slowly loosening its grip on summer. I feel that same shift in my spirit lately: a quiet separation from something…
What Are The Consequences for Serious Sin?
Hey friends, This weekend I’m in Chicago visiting my family for Christmas. I’m eating pizza, pizza, pizza and if you know Chicago’s pizza – it’s the best. This week’s question: I so enjoyed your book, How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong, I want to read it over again and pray and…
Discernment vs. Indifference: Understanding Your Heart in Relationships
Hello Friends, As the summer months unfold, I find myself reflecting on the beauty and freedom this season brings. There’s a special joy in watching my grandchildren celebrate the end of the school year, their laughter and excitement filling the air with a sense of unbridled possibility. This sense of freedom, the ability to simply…
Ahhh, wonderful post full of hope as we go through refinement. The growing pains of being God’s child in the face of adversity are real. This post reminds me of the glory and grace we thrivers get to experience because of the battle we face with Jesus. God has enriched my life in untold ways as I have journeyed through the tunnel of darkness of abuse, left my marriage, diagnosed with cancer, and now live in a whole new community far from where I raised my children. He is faithful and never fails to provide hope, healing & loving Christian friends along each step of this journey. Freedom rings joyfully in my heart as I begin life anew!
Thank you for sharing your journey Cherey. Let Freedom ring!
Warmly,
LeAnne
Thank you, this is my story , 37 years in bondage to horrific abuse of my father & then on to my husband. I am being transformed by the suffering that is being turned into beauty. I am encouraged by your wisdom and words. Praise God for your ministry.
Diane Lozier
Diane, The Lord holds you so close. You are beautiful and supported here.
Warmly,
LeAnne
Thank you so much for this timely post. May 6 was my 50th birthday and Mother’s Day is also this week. I have left an abusive marriage and I I have been struggling hard with feelings of rejection from my grown children as I walk the path of healing But Jesus has called me out so I must follow. Thank you for the encouragement today.
Oh❤️ Coach LeAnne, this was so beautiful! You always inspire me so much. This was so eloquently spoken 👏 🙌 Prayers for you on your trip. God’s got you girlfriend!!
Chrisanne, Thank you for your prayers and encouragement! We are stronger together! He loves us so!
Warmly, LeAnne
It’s very rough and scary having this revelation.
We know God leads us in this.
The hard part is what I feared the most all my life is what I have to keep stepping into.
I don’t like it but many times in life if I just listened to God it turned out OK and I overcame.
Wish God could make it less painful.
Hard watching someone fall out of love but what looked like love was probably using the doormat
Mary, He leads us into victory one step at a time. We can do hard things.
Warmly,
LeAnne
My grown children have also rejected me. It’s heart wrenching, but truly believe that eventually they will see the truth and return. Keep the faith, good wins over evil! 🙏🏻💕🙏🏻💕
Shelly, I too am in a very similar situation. I separated last November after 27 years of an emotionally and verbally abusive marriage. I believe God called me out. I turned 50 in January… And I too am struggling with the rejection i feel from my adult children. It’s painful and heartbreaking. They of anyone should understand. But they only understand the dysfunction. And I disrupted the family dance, or in their words “tore our family apart”. I’ve been pondering the approach of Mother’s Day this week. It’s a painful journey. And God has given me so much peace. I continue to “pray, trust and wait” on Him. May you feel the love of Jesus in a deep and tangible way in this season. We are loved, seen and carried by our Heavenly Father! My prayers are with you in this refining season. Zeph 3:17.
Happy Birthday to you Shelly!!
Warmly,
LeAnne
I needed to hear this today . 36 years married to a functioning alcoholic, marijuana smoker , adulterer and lies . He makes a 6 figure income and is loved by his coworkers, buddies and children ( he is the cool parent) our children are grown . I’m 61 and stuck because I’ve never made enough money to support myself . He will not agree on a divorce because he will not divide our marital assets equally. He refuses to move out of our home . He chose to be irresponsible and disrespectful so therefore I feel he should pack his bags and find a place to live .
I’m sorry for what you are going through. But, please have a consultation with a lawyer. Your husband doesn’t decide what you get and whether you can divorce him. He wants to keep you stuck in a place of needing him fully. You have choices. He’s afraid of what he will lose, but look what you’d gain which most importantly is your peace.
Karen
You don’t deserve ever to be treated like that. I really hope you can find a way to leave and support yourself. Lean on friends and family. I left an emotionally abusive marriage in November. He also wouldn’t leave the house so I had to. It was very tough but I am at peace now. Just know you are stronger than you think. I’m 65 and it’s hard but you don’t want the last leg of your life to be with someone toxic. You deserve so much more.
This is a very timely post today for me too thanks Leanne. I appreciate your wisdom and sensitivity. It is hard but also freeing to see the wrong people fall away and step into what God has ahead for us. He knows best and I am trusting Him even though I don’t see that far ahead. He has also put good people in my life meantime and also other strugglers to encourage and lock arms with. Your post is beautifully written and I pray you and Leslie have a blessed time away at the conference and that He speaks powerfully through you both to bless encourage others.
This resonated with me so much. This is exactly how I’ve been feeling on this journey. how can this be right when it costs so much? And how could it be right when so many people disagree and have rejected me? How could it be right when walking through this has seemed have left me struggling with more pain than the abuse. The pain of lost dreams and hopes, lost marriage, lost family and extended family, lost friends. Lost feelings of stability and lost help parenting. And so much more . An identity crisis inside of me. And yet I believe the path I’m on is the right one. I’m choosing to trust the process even if often I am all alone in the journey and it feels no one understands or agrees. I trust that in the end, I will stand because I am on His path and he is able to make me stand. And I do believe I’m gaining something better. And all I’m losing was built on sinking sand. But these false hopes and dreams, die such a painful hard death especially when your life was built on them. Thankful for this post I will keep it and come back to it and share it. So so so validating.
Elisa,
Healthy people live in truth. Some humans will never see the truth. God sees you. So do we. You are not alone. Thank you for sharing your journey here. You are loved.
Warmly, LeAnne
This message is so important. Means more to me at this time than I can express. Thank you! My adult son, 44 yrs old believes he’s entitled to “vomit” his anger of me leaving his father 12 yrs ago ( his father is remarried over 5 yrs now) . I didn’t leave well, but I wasn’t emotionally well when I left. I didn’t know about Leslie Vernick and her teaching at that time it’s been a long internal healing journey. for me Therapy , books, podcasts etc.Just when
it seems we’ve made peace with the past my son lashes out. I foolishly let my guard down believing we’ve moved on. He certainly has his own issues to solve . Yet, he blames me for him not being married or in a relationship because he doesn’t trust women because I left his father . His father told our son once when son was in his mid twenties not to try and manipulate his father because his father told him he his father was a master manipulator! Our sons reaction was to cry asking his father why he’d say that to him. I’ve explained I was drowning when I left 38 yrs married. . Yet, I have chosen not to bring up negative examples of his father from over the years. I’ve owned my sins ( I certainly
crashed and burned when I left) attempted to
make amends. My son once accused me of rebellion against God and his father because I
didn’t want to submit anymore.. He didn’t tell me until I was escaping from his apartment during a visit ( he told me he couldn’t stand looking at me that I was on my own the remaining 3 days of the visit)..it was Christmas) that he had recorded our conversations!! My response to his me no longer wanting to submit was that I had submitted for 38 yrs and everything still went to hell. Full bankruptcy Last weekend in a phone conversation because he was angry with me and I told him I am tired of him blaming me for his choices he yelled don’t you hang up on me you coward! I told him I had to be somewhere in 30 minutes. Which I did.. Many text messages from him. followed . I stopped reading after he said I’m selfish and haven’t changed and when / if he has money ( he’s invested in cryptocurrency) he wouldn’t help me out! I do not expect or ask him to provide for or assist me. Anything from him in the past has been transactional. These types of events take me days to recover from. At least I’m no longer depressed enough to freeze and stop fully functioning. He drinks which exacerbates his anxiety. I’ve suggested him checking out a Celebrate Recovery support group. He believes he can handle / control without it. My mother was an alcoholic as was his dad’s father. I’m going to be 72 years old . I want to leave in the peace that Jesus has for me.
Nancey,
Thank you for sharing. It takes so much courage to show up for yourself and for God. You are not alone. You are in my prayers. Hold fast dear one. You are loved.
Warmly,
LeAnne
This resonates with me and gave so much encouragement and validation. God sees, He knows, He cares. As much as it hurts, my broken heart is crying out to just give me Jesus. Perfect timing to read this. I am not alone in this pain. Thank you, brave sisters, and thank you, dear Coach LeAnne! (It was so wonderful seeing you at the conference!!)
Angie!
You are not alone! Our Redeemer lives and is active and oh so kind. You are loved!
Warmly,
LeAnne
Been w/my husband almost 4decades &!filed for divorce right before our 35th wedding anniversary. I had no idea I was married to a malignant passive/aggressive covert narcissist. Most of my kids feel the need to side w/their dad- a pathological liar. So difficult to watch but he’s been grooming them to disparage me for many yrs. Hurts to the deepest part of my being. The children I nursed & loved being turned against me. God is my only refuge.
So perfectly said!!
So beautifully and so effectively true! This came at perfect moment. So greatly appreciate U and this writing!!!
Thank you all for sharing your journey and experiences here.
Here’s the truth I want to speak over you tonight.
You have never lost your worth.
You are not invisible to God.
You are not too far buried to shine again.
Isaiah 43:1 (NLT) says, “Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you. I have called you by name; you are mine.”
Standing with you,
LeAnne