As I write this from Minnesota, we are experiencing some of the worst air quality in the world. Wildfire smoke has settled over much of the state, the sky has that strange hazy look to it, and we’re being encouraged to limit our time outside because the air simply isn’t healthy right now.

I’ve been noticing how different it feels, perhaps because just two months ago I was walking the Camino de Santiago in Spain, spending most of my days outside breathing crisp, clean air. I appreciated and chatted often about the absence of noise and air pollution each day with other pilgrims along the way. Friends, what a gift!!

Most of us don’t think much about the air we’re breathing when it’s clean, do we? We just breathe. We go for walks, open the windows, sit on the porch, and go about our day without giving much thought to the air around us. But when the air becomes unhealthy, we notice.

As I sat on my sister’s porch scribbling down some thoughts about all this smoky air, I wrote a Facebook post that invited some reflection:

What happens when the environment you’re living in isn’t healthy, but instead of breathing that air for a few days, you’ve been breathing it for years?

Shortly after I posted it, a question landed in my inbox. With her permission, I’m sharing it here because I have a feeling she isn’t the only woman wondering about this.

Today’s Question:

LeAnne, I’ve heard you talk on Facebook Live about influencers. When you mentioned the environmental influencer, I took a pause, as you suggested, and realized a few things. I’ve been living with criticism, tension, and walking on eggshells for so long that I don’t even know what’s normal anymore. How can I tell if my environment is affecting and influencing me in harmful ways?

LeAnne’s Response:

Sweet friend, thank you for trusting me with this question. I don’t know all the details of what happens in your home, yet the words you used like criticism, tension, and walking on eggshells are worth paying attention to.

Do you find yourself wondering what mood someone will be in before you decide what to say or do? Maybe you have “learned” that certain subjects just don’t go well, so you carefully choose your words or decide it’s easier not to bring something up at all. In addition, you are really good at reading the room by now. You are watching each facial expression, you listen for a change in someone’s tone, sense the tension, and make adjustments without even realizing you’re doing it. These strategies can use up a tremendous amount of your precious energy, and can influence your wellbeing in so many ways.

Your environment isn’t just the house you live in. It’s what it feels like to live there.

Friend, it’s assessment time. Oftentimes, we’ve lived in a difficult environment for so long that we stop asking the questions that matter most.

Can you be honest? Can you disagree and still be treated with respect? Is there room for your thoughts, feelings, needs, preferences, and limits?

How might the environment I’m living in be influencing the way I’m thinking, feeling, and responding?

This Is One Reason I Love Coaching!

I value both coaching and counseling, and they aren’t the same thing. Counseling can be an important place to address trauma, mental health concerns, painful experiences, and wounds that need healing.

Coaching has a different focus. As a coach I am not sitting across from you with the answer to your life. I’m interested in helping you slow things down enough to hear yourself think. And listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. He will help and guide you into noticing what matters to you, and what choices you actually do have.

I’ve hired both counselors and coaches to support my own growth and well-being, and I know how powerful it can be when someone isn’t trying to fix you but instead helps you see something you couldn’t quite see on your own.

Faith is always invited into parts of those conversations as well. What is true here? Where is God in this with you? What might He be asking you to notice? How is this for you?

As Christian women, we can spend so much time asking, How can I respond better? How can I be more loving? What should I do differently?

Those questions have their place, and so does this one:

What Is True God? What Do You Want Me To Notice?

When I look at Jesus, I’m reminded that He paid attention too. He didn’t stay in every conversation, with every person, in every place simply because leaving might disappoint someone. What do we learn in Scripture? He was present in the moment. Jesus chose to stay, speak or be quiet, and He often withdrew to be alone with His Father. And sometimes my friend, He even walked away. I find that really important to remember.

I am more aware now after walking my Camino that we learn how to breathe in the environment we’re in.

When the air outside became unhealthy here in the Minneapolis area, due to fires burning all around us, we were told to pay attention, notice how we were feeling, limit our exposure when necessary, and take reasonable steps to protect ourselves.

Nobody said, “Maybe you’re just too sensitive to the smoke.” Nobody told us that if we were stronger, had more faith, prayed harder, or tried harder, the smoke wouldn’t bother us. Why not? Because we understand that unhealthy air can affect a healthy person.

Why do we have such a hard time considering that an unhealthy emotional environment might be affecting us too?

Looping back to your question, How Can You Tell?

I would begin by paying attention to what happens to you in your own home. Before you rush to conclusions, or dismiss what you’re noticing, remember God’s invitation:

“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.” — James 1:5 (NLT)

I love that promise because it reminds me that God isn’t frustrated by our questions. He welcomes them. If you’ve been living in confusion for a long time, you don’t have to figure everything out today. Ask Him for wisdom. Then begin paying attention to what you’re noticing without immediately talking yourself out of it.

Pay attention to your thoughts and energy, as well as paying attention to what is happening to and in your body. What happens when you hear the garage door open or someone’s footsteps coming down the hall? Do you tense up? Are you twisting yourself into a human pretzel to please everyone around you? Do you find yourself holding your breath when someone enters the room? What happens when that person leaves? Do you exhale or feel yourself relax? Giving yourself some time for reflection could be a huge benefit here.

Your body can give you information that your mind has learned to explain away.

Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your soul. Matthew 11:29

Here’s another question I invite you to sit with:

Who am I becoming in this environment?

Do you recognize yourself? Are you able to speak truthfully and live from your values? Do you feel connected to God and to the woman He created you to be- your noble self? Or, has fear, confusion, exhaustion, resentment, or self-doubt started taking up more and more room? I realize I am asking a lot of questions today.

Noticing, and raising your awareness of your reactions and responses does not mean you suddenly know what to do about your marriage. However, what you notice is information, friend, and I want you to pay attention to it. You matter. Your environment really does influence you.

You shared that you have heard me talk about influencers before. I use a framework in coaching, which helps us look at what’s happening spiritually, mentally, emotionally, environmentally, economically, physically, and socially.

We are whole people. I stand in this truth: what happens in one part of our life doesn’t politely stay there. Ongoing tension in your environment may show up emotionally or physically. It can affect your relationships, the way you see yourself, the choices you make, and even how you experience your relationship with God.

I believe in you, and I want to help you become more aware of what’s influencing you so you can make your own wise, God-honoring choices about what comes next.

I encourage you to notice what you’ve gotten used to, what happens inside of you, and where you’ve been twisting yourself into that human pretzel just to keep things okay. Then bring what you notice honestly before God. You don’t have to figure everything out today.

One last thought from my sister’s Minnesota porch. This smoke has cleared. The wind did change, the haze has lifted, and we are back to breathing without thinking very much about it. But I don’t want to forget what these smoky days have reminded me of. The environments we live in influence us, and paying attention to that isn’t selfish or unspiritual. It’s wise.

As we close our conversation and reflect today, perhaps this question will encourage all of us to pause, notice, and choose wisely our next faithful steps into a healthier life..

Who are you becoming in the environment you are living in?

Sit with that one for a while, and please know that we love you and support you here. Thank you again for your thoughtful question.

Friends, I am learning today right alongside you. Sometimes I don’t realize how hard I have been working to breathe either. Being able to take a deep long inhale and exhale is a gift I can choose. I am grateful to experience fresh air. Your question is a gift to us all. Thank you for trusting me with it.

Join our free live training here.

Reflection Question: What kind of air has your soul been breathing lately?