Topic: Peace over productivity. I want to hear from you!
Hello sweet friends,
I’ve done two different blogs today but I wasn’t happy with either one. I’ll give it more time this week and post one of them next week. But my new mantra given to me by the Lord this very day is “Peace before productivity.”
God showed me when I start to get anxious or impatient, I am losing peace at the expense of productivity. My body tells me it is time to reprioritize and put first things first.
You know this year has been one in which I wanted to walk with the Lord more closely. My verse for 2011 is “And so I walk in the Lord’s Presence as I live here on earth.” (Psalm 116:9).
One of the first fruits that walking closer with God ought to produce is peace, not frustration, aggravation, or impatience. So friends, pray for me. Pray that I learn to let go of my agenda and live more peacefully in the moment, even if it requires that I do less.
Now it’s your turn. I’ve been curious about who you are, why you stop by, and what you’d like help with? What are your biggest needs or deepest hurts in your closest relationships? Where do you get stuck or hindered from living the life you want to live? Like me getting stuck in busyness, anxiety and impatience, what holds your heart (body and mind) in that unchanged place?
That’s all for today I’m off to pay Uncle Sam! Hope you got a refund.
Take a moment to respond. I’d love to hear from you.
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…wow…. If only I could stop crying at the question long enough to figure it out, I will be sure to get back to you. Does that reveal how messed up I am feeling right now??? :*-(
"Now it’s your turn. I’ve been curious about who you are, why you stop by, and what you’d like help with? What are your biggest needs or deepest hurts in your closest relationships? Where do you get stuck or hindered from living the life you want to live?….what holds your heart (body and mind) in that unchanged place? "
Hi Leslie!
First of all thank you for your wisdom and dedication to this site; it has been a source of encouragement to many women, especially to me.
I'm glad you asked the question, I've been trying to drum up the courage to write you for about a week now. A friend of mine recommended the book "How to act right, when your spouse acts wrong" to me after a couple of months of frustration with my marriage.
My husband and I have been married 4 years and have two small children. Recently I found out that he has had numerous affairs and when I asked him why he said "because I could". It broke my heart. I’ve always wanted to feel chosen and special to my husband and I did everything in my power to make him love and respect me and now mourn the fact that I couldn’t (at least not the way that I wanted). I’m a good wife and mother, I really am, but it pains me that I have to keep declaring that to him over and over and he just doesn’t seem to see it or appreciate it.
During the following weeks after I found out, he moved out of our bedroom and he seemed genuinely remorseful and claimed he wanted to change. I talked and talked till I ran out of words and finally I told him we need to seek some professional help and he agreed but has taken no steps to find one. (I found some counselors and made some suggestions; he said he’ll look into them and never did). He claims he's in "freeze mode" and doesn't know what to do.
Now I'm wondering if he was ever truly repentant or just sorrowful.
My husband has never been good at showing love with actions, content with saying the words "I love you" when times get rough but can neither elaborate on this love nor say or do much to prove it and I just can’t figure out a way to reach him.
As the weeks progressed I chose to forgive him and work on the marriage. But since I did that it’s almost like he thinks things are getting back to normal and there’s no outward change on his part. Was I too impatient, did I forgive too quickly? Did my way of forgiving translate to condoning?
He keeps saying he’s trying to change but I just don’t see how, all I see is he appeasing me – doing the dishes, helping with the kids, etc. temporary stuff but not addressing the root of the issues that caused the infidelity in the first place and certainly not talking to me about it.
I don’t want my old marriage back; it leaves me feeling weak and defeated and eats away at my self-esteem and robbed me of my peace. I’m lonely and don’t have him in my corner. I’m at work and haven’t been able to concentrate in months.
So I stopped having these soliloquies about it with him present. Now I’m trying to learn to rely on God the healthy way, not the desperate, gut wrenching, out of control, rambling prayers way, but with peace and patience. I come to your site hoping I’ll find wisdom on how to get closer to this objective.
Any insights you can share with me will be appreciated.
Thanks for your time.
I used to check in every week to read everything I could on your site – it was (and still is at times) my "sanity check-in"… a place where I can check in to make sure I haven't lost my mind. A place that reassures me that there is hope in our Lord.
I am now in a safe place and healing from years of abuse.
For the anonymous writer who was in tears as she wrote to you above – I'm praying for you. There is hope, there truly is a light at the end of the tunnel of darkness. Cling to the Lord – He is our refuge and our rock.
Thank you Leslie for taking the time to do the website, blog, letters, books, and answering emails – God has blessed many through your gifts.
I almost choked, trying to eat, starting the school day and looking for answers to begin some sort of change. When I read, to Anonymous above, I’m praying for you. Again, choking. Why is that. Wow. Just being acknowledged is healing. I wasn’t the one being acknowledged, but seeing it take place gives me hope.
Leslie, could you give us some of your wisdom on this part: "….what holds your heart (body and mind) in that unchanged place? " Because even though I realize I am stuck in, or get pulled back to, the same unchanged place time and again, I do not know how to recognize where I am going wrong. How to climb over it, avert it, conquer it. I LOVE my SAVIOR, and I pray daily, mostly just giving thanks for everything!!!! I am so greatful just to wake up and try it all again every day! I am not in fear of the unchanged place I keep finding myself revisiting. But I'm sure I am supposed to figure out how to overcome it, though so far, I haven't learned the skills necessary to do so, apparently. What am I missing? Thanks in advance….