Dear Beloved Reader,

I’ve had a beautiful June so far—one that surprised me with healing in the most unexpected places. I took time to visit some of my old stomping grounds, and somehow, walking familiar paths reminded me how far I’ve come. There’s something about returning to the places that shaped us that also helps us reclaim and redeem the parts we lost along the way.

June is a tender month. It carries both sunlight and shadow. For some, it’s full of celebration- weddings, graduations, Father’s Day, family reunions. For others, it quietly stirs up memories and longings that ache. Wherever you find yourself this month, I just want to pause and ask: How’s your heart?

If you’re walking through joy, I celebrate with you. And if this season brings more reflection than relief, I’m sitting beside you in that too.

In our community, so many of you know firsthand what it’s like to live in a destructive marriage. You’ve fought to find your voice, your safety, your identity—sometimes against all odds. That’s why, when a precious mama wrote this month asking for wisdom—because she believes her son is now facing what you have survived—I felt the weight of her question deeply.

This is a tender space to hold, so let’s meet it gently. Not with judgment or quick answers, but with honesty, strength, and grace. Together, let’s sit with what it means to love someone who may not yet see the harm they’re living in—and how to show up without losing yourself along the way.

This Week's Question: “My son is unfortunately married to who I think is a narcissist. Which book would be more suitable – The Emotionally Destructive Marriage or The Emotionally Destructive Relationship*?”*

Friends, If that question brings up a tangle of emotions for you, that’s okay. Let’s hold space for both perspectives: the woman who’s lived it, and the mother watching someone she loves walk a similar journey.

LeAnne's Response: When you love someone who seems trapped in a harmful relationship, the helplessness is real. You see the hesitation, the confusion, the way their confidence starts to erode. Perhaps, you are aware of what’s happening before they do. But you also know you can’t force them to see it.

That’s the impossible tension you may even know intimately: seeing the truth when others can’t—or won’t. I am assuming you are a mother watching your son fade inside a toxic marriage, you may even carry fear, guilt, and grief. You want to protect him, but you don’t want to push him further away. You may feel like you’re holding your breath all the time.

You’re not alone in that ache. And you’re not wrong for seeing what you see. There are many here who have been wanting to ask the same question, and have been afraid to. Thank you for your courage.

Before we even get to the book recommendation, I want to name something important: if you’re seeing consistent patterns of behavior that make your son feel small, confused, or emotionally unsafe, your concern is valid. You don’t need a diagnosis to know something is wrong. You may be noticing things like constant criticism, blame-shifting, control masked as concern, or affection used as a reward for compliance. Maybe his wife twists the truth to make him question his memory—or uses his faith or loyalty to keep him silent. These are not just personality quirks. They are signs of emotional and spiritual harm. And they slowly chip away at a person’s sense of identity and strength.

The Right Resource Makes a Difference

Leslie has written both of the books mentioned in the question. And both are excellent. Depending on the situation, one will serve you better than the other.

The Emotionally Destructive Marriage is the more relevant book in this case. It’s written primarily for Christian women married to emotionally or spiritually abusive men, but it offers powerful insights into what makes a marriage truly destructive—and how to respond. It’s especially useful for understanding manipulation, control, and how spiritual language can be used to silence or shame a partner.

Even if your son isn’t ready to face the truth, reading this book can help you, as a parent, understand what’s really happening behind the scenes. It can also help you speak truth without shaming, and hold space without enabling.

The Emotionally Destructive Relationship offers a broader look at toxic dynamics in many types of relationships: family, friends, dating, and marriage. It’s a great resource for recognizing coercive controlling behavior patterns in general, but it’s not as focused on the unique complexities of marriage.

My friend, sometimes we don’t need more “advice”, we need an anchor. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or stretched thin by what your child is going through, these Scriptures aren’t here to correct you. They’re here to hold you. To remind you that God sees what’s hidden, honors quiet strength, and offers wisdom without pressure.

Please let these verses speak into the places where words fail. You don’t have to fix everything. You can sit, breathe, and let God’s Word carry what you can’t.

What the Lord reminds us

It’s time to settle our souls. Read slowly. Breathe deeply. Listen for the Spirit’s whisper, not answers or outcomes. You don’t have to fix it. Just be here, and let truth hold you.

“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18
When you feel helpless, remember: you are not alone in this. God is near.

“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.” — 1 Peter 5:7
You were never meant to carry this alone. Release what’s too heavy.

“In quietness and trust shall be your strength.” — Isaiah 30:15
Strength doesn’t always look loud. Sometimes it looks like stillness.

“Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?” — Galatians 1:10
Let this be a moment where you choose truth over trying to please.

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him…” — Romans 15:13
There is still hope. Not because of what you can do, but because of who He is.

Take a moment with one verse. Write it down. Carry it with you. Let it speak back to you every time you’re tempted to despair. He’s with you here—in the quiet middle of what you can’t control.

What Leslie Would Remind Us

Leslie is clear about one thing: not all hard marriages are destructive—but destructive marriages cause harm, not just heartache. There’s a difference.

In a destructive marriage, one person consistently undermines, disrespects, or controls the other. Often, the abused spouse doesn’t even realize it’s happening until years have passed. The emotional fog is thick, especially when there’s spiritual manipulation involved.

Leslie and our team teach and coach the importance of CORE strength: being Committed to truth, Open to the Holy Spirit, wise others and growth, Responsible for yourself, Respectful to others and exercising Empathy without Enabling. That last one, empathy without enabling, can be especially hard if you’ve spent years measuring your worth by how well you’ve kept the peace.

Letting go of people-pleasing isn’t about becoming cold. It’s about becoming clear. It’s about trusting that God doesn’t need you to please everyone—He calls you to walk in truth.

For the Women Reading This Who Have Lived It

You know how hard it is to be believed. You’ve had to claw your way out of the fog of self-doubt, sometimes without anyone standing beside you. This post is not about offering sympathy to those who dismissed you. It’s about offering guidance to someone who is seeing the truth early, and wants to respond with strength instead of silence.

Because that matters. Mothers matter. And when a mother is willing to learn what’s real, listen well, and stop pretending, she may be the only one standing in the gap.

A Word to the Mother Asking This Question

You don’t have to have all the answers. You don’t need a perfect plan. You need wisdom, presence, and a posture of prayer.

And maybe—just maybe—you need to let go of the urge to rescue in order to reclaim the strength to respond. It’s okay if you’re feeling the weight of expectations. But you are allowed to release the idea that you must keep everyone happy to stay worthy of love. God is not asking you to be perfect. He’s asking you to be present—and faithful to the truth.

A Prayer for the Mother Who Sees the Hurt

“Lord, give me strength when I cannot speak, and peace when I cannot fix.”

Father God,
You see my son more clearly than I do.
You know the burdens he’s carrying – the ones he won’t say out loud.
You know the fear, the confusion, the shame.
You know the moments he questions himself and the cracks he tries so hard to cover.

God, help me to be a safe place for him.
Guard my mouth from judgment and my heart from despair.

Give me eyes to see through love, not fear—and ears to listen when the time comes.
Soften what’s been hardened in him.
Steady what’s been shaken.
And remind him who he is—not who someone else has tried to reduce him to.

When I feel powerless, remind me that prayer is not a small thing.
That presence is not passive.
That Your Spirit is already working in ways I cannot see.

I release him to You—not in defeat, but in trust.
And I ask You, Lord, to do what only You can do:
Bring light to the darkness.
Bring healing to the hidden places.
And bring hope where things feel too far gone.

In Jesus’ name,
Amen.

If You’re Holding Pain and Praying for Hope

If you’re watching your child walk through what you barely survived, that pain is real too. There’s no easy fix here. But there is wisdom. There is truth. And there is a God who holds both you and your son in ways neither of you can fully understand yet.

Maybe this is your moment to begin letting go – not of love, but of approval-seeking. Not of connection, but of constant self-sacrifice. There is room for you to grow stronger even as you stand beside someone who is still in the fog.

You can begin reclaiming your confidence and clarity by joining the Moving Beyond Insecurity Challenge.

Start with truth. Speak with love. Let go where you need to. And keep praying, because your presence may one day become the refuge he finally reaches for. I love you. Coach LeAnne

Reader Question

Friends, What do you do with the burdens God never asked you to hold?