When Silence Feels Like Betrayal: Is the Silent Treatment a Sign of Infidelity?
Beloved Readers,
There’s something about January that slows us down enough to hear what we’ve been carrying. The calendar turns, the noise of the holidays fades, and the quiet feels different. I am in Colorado Springs today as I write this opening paragraph. Outside our back door lay 3 beautiful deer. As the dawn breaks this morning, I am reminded to celebrate the silence. In this space my peace is less optional, more revealing. January invites reflection whether we ask for it or not. As I prepare and train to walk the Camino de Santiago this spring, I’ve been thinking a lot about the different kinds of quiet we experience in our lives.
Some silence is sacred. It creates space to breathe, to notice, to remember who we are and who God is. Some silence steadies us. It restores. It gently reorients our hearts. But there is another kind of silence – one that doesn’t heal, but hurts. The kind that leaves you second-guessing yourself. The kind that makes you feel unseen, unchosen, or suddenly alone in a relationship that once promised connection.
A reader asked a question recently that lives right there, in that painful space. It’s a question I’ve heard whispered in coaching sessions and carried quietly by so many women who want to love well, believe the best, and still honor the truth of their own experience:
This Weeks Question:
“Could the silent treatment be a sign of infidelity? Why else would someone who says he loves me treat me so horribly? How can anyone who claims love shut me out like that?”
Just reading that, I can feel the ache underneath it. The confusion. The self-doubt. The searching for something, anything, that makes emotional sense. So before we go any further, hear this clearly: you are not unreasonable for asking these questions. You are not dramatic. You are not imagining what you’re experiencing.
When silence becomes a pattern in a relationship, your body and your spirit notice. Something inside you starts to whisper, This doesn’t match love. And that whisper matters. It’s not weakness, it’s wisdom. It’s your God-given dignity waking up.
So, could silent treatment be connected to infidelity? Sometimes, yes. When someone is hiding something, especially something that threatens the integrity of the relationship, they often pull away. They may avoid intimacy. They may shut down conversations that feel risky. Silence can become a wall they hope you won’t climb.
But here’s what’s equally important to say: infidelity is not the only explanation. And it’s not even the most common one.
Often, silence has far less to do with another woman and far more to do with a man who does not know how, or is not willing to engage in emotional responsibility. Some people withdraw to avoid accountability. Some shut down because they lack the skills to navigate conflict. Others use silence as a way to regain control, to punish, or to protect themselves from uncomfortable truth. None of this makes the behavior acceptable. But it does explain why silence can exist even when no affair is happening.
Which brings us to the deeper grief beneath the question: If he loves me, how can he treat me like this?
This is where many women get stuck, especially those who value faith, commitment, and perseverance. We’re often taught, explicitly or implicitly, that love and harm cannot exist together. And yet, in real life, they often do. Someone can feel affection for you and still treat you in ways that are deeply unloving. Someone can say “I love you” and still lack the maturity, humility, or character required to love well.
Silence, when it’s used as a weapon or a barrier, is not love. It isn't a healthy space. It isn’t emotional regulation. It’s a refusal to engage. A withdrawal of presence right when repair is needed most. Love may need time, but it does not punish with absence. Love moves toward truth, not away from it.
If someone’s silence leaves you feeling small, confused, or ashamed, constantly wondering what you did wrong or how to say things better so they won’t disappear, that is not love, no matter how often the words are spoken.
And here’s a question I gently invite you to consider: instead of asking whether silence means infidelity, what if the more important question is what that silence is costing you? What is it doing to your sense of safety, your clarity, your confidence, your peace?
God never uses silence as a weapon. He is our example. Even in His quiet seasons, there is presence, not punishment. His nearness does not leave you destabilized or doubting your worth. Scripture reminds us, “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed” (Psalm 34:18, NLT). If someone’s silence is crushing your spirit, that matters.
So if this is your story, I want you to know this: silent treatment may not always mean infidelity, but it always means something is off. Something worth paying attention to. Something worth naming. Something worth responding to with wisdom and care.
You are not asking too much.
You are not imagining the hurt.
And you are not alone.
As we look toward 2026, I want to gently offer this invitation.
What if the next season of your life isn’t about working harder to be understood, more patient, more accommodating, or more careful with your words, but about learning a new way of navigating relationships altogether?
A way rooted in truth instead of fear. In clarity instead of confusion. In dignity instead of self-erasure.
This is the kind of navigation I’m choosing as I prepare to walk the Camino this spring, step by step, attentive, honest, and grounded. Not rushing ahead. Not minimizing what hurts. But listening deeply and responding with wisdom. Join me?
If 2026 is calling you toward something steadier, truer, and more aligned with who God created you to be, I hope you’ll stay close. We’ll be exploring what it means to navigate relationships with courage, discernment, and grace together. Join us for 6 months of powerful transformation.
Dear ones, you are worthy of a love that meets you in the light.
And there is a healthy way forward.
As you reflect on this, I invite you to pause and ask yourself:
When silence shows up in my relationships, what do I tend to do—and what might it look like to respond from clarity and self-respect instead of confusion or self-blame?
(If you feel safe, I’d love for you to share in the comments. Your words may be the permission another woman needs to name her own experience.)
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“If someone’s silence leaves you feeling small, confused, or ashamed, constantly wondering what you did wrong or how to say things better so they won’t disappear, that is not love, no matter how often the words are spoken.”
This is a n accurate description of my feelings and experiences for years…decades.
My husband’s use of the silent treatment has included disappearing for days without telling me where he was going, when I didn’t follow his “ script” of what he wanted me to do, feel, think, or say.
I recommend the book Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People, by Lindsay C Gibson, for help in understanding and healing from this dynamic.
When this started years ago, I would panic. I’d try to call, or text, telling him how much I loved him and cared about him. Sometimes he’d threaten suicide. One time I called my son, away at college, and asked him to call Dad to check on him. This started about 10 years ago.
As the years went on, and I tried every avenue to restore connection, communication , and relationship between us, he still used the disappearing act, but I recognized it as the attempt at manipulation it was. I would text “ I care about you” but refrain from expressing worry. As I stopped reacting, he lessened trying that manipulation technique.
I thought when our adult daughter moved home this past summer, his behavior would improve, as he behaves very differently ( much better) when others are around, rather than just me. A few weeks after she moved back, she said something he didn’t agree with, and off he went. Three days. I told her, don’t worry about it, it isn’t your fault, this is his choice. And honestly, I enjoyed the peace while he was gone.
And yet, he occasionally claims to “ love me so much”.
As LeAnne said: “ Silence, when it’s used as a weapon or a barrier, is not love. It isn’t a healthy space. It isn’t emotional regulation. It’s a refusal to engage. A withdrawal of presence right when repair is needed most”
There is another behavior that I think is a form of the Silent Treatment: intentionally refusing to listen, hear, understand, or empathize with me.
I could give many examples, but basically every attempt on my part to communicate, whether verbally or in writing, is met by gross “ misunderstanding “ . Metaphorically, if I say, “ it’s sunny today”, he’ll respond, “ you just said it’s raining “.
If I say, “ I felt hurt yesterday when you said that I’ve’ never worked a day in my life’” and “ never done anything for the family” ( an obviously gross understatement, said as some of his favorite put-downs), he will invariably respond, “ that doesn’t sound like something I’d say”, or “ you’re making that up”.
My husband is a highly successful executive who manages dozens of people and projects at all times; he doesn’t have a memory deficit.
So while I have spent enormous amounts of time carefully listening to, supporting, and empathizing with him ( even if I can’t agree with his selfish perspectives, accept his attempts to blame me for his behaviors, or demands), I am NEVER heard, seen, understood , or empathized with. And I use the word “ never” intentionally and truly.
I feel invisible unless I’m doing what he wants, regardless of the level of damage that fulfilling his “ wants” would do to my soul, spirit, body, or emotional health. ( It took me about 5 years to understand and internalize the concept of Boundaries…I’m still working on it.)
So I feel that his techniques of “ misunderstanding “ and “ forgetting “ are a form of the silent treatment; I know that they are a demonstration of emotional immaturity, but he’s a 60- something adult, and he knows better, and is responsible for his own behaviors. It’s definitely a form of emotional abuse.
Now that I recognize that, even though I have spent years trying to get him to “ see” and hear me, it’s impossible. Sometimes I write the letters I’d like him to read, understand, accept, and act upon. And then I throw them away, or keep them in my journal, because I know vulnerability with him will not create change, but only more hurt to me.
I do feel that I have gained clarity and self- respect, by viewing his behaviors as his responsibility, and refusing to accept his continual attempts to blame me for his damaging attitudes and hurtful actions.
I feel I have improved my mental and outward responses; now I’m working on accepting but setting aside the emotional pain, so I can focus more on my own life, healthy growth, and happiness.
Wow, Living in Grace, you are so well thought out, written and focused. Your story is just what I needed to hear today as I have experienced much of the same and have been trying to figure it all out. It sounds like you stayed in your marriage. I couldn’t take it anymore at age 67 I have lost myself in the last 2 years of marriage and look in the mirror and have aged 10 years in 2. I am in Conquer and soon to start E2C on January 12, 2026 for 6 months to work on me and learn to grow and mature myself. I would love to connect with you if you have it in you to share with a friend….me! Thank you, Kathleen.
Thank you, Kathleen! The only reason it might seem well thought out is that I have spent too, too many long years trying to find solutions that didn’t exist, and trying to be more than 50% of a marriage. Resources like Leslie Vernick, Flying Free.com, Lysa Terkeurst, and other wise women, and the blessings of the support of friends and a good Christian therapist have made an enormous difference in how I view myself, my value, and what I can or should expect, or tolerate, in marriage.
I am still in the marriage, for now, but I don’t know for how long. I have literally had doctors question why my medical conditions are so severe…in my “ easy” life…I would love to connect…is that possible?
I am in Conquer under my name. Or on Facebook under my name you can DM me a message. We will figure it out. Don’t give up!
I lived with 8 years of silence too long. I tried everything to no avail. He had closed me off.
I found out that he had been committing adultery with the same woman for all of that time.
The only thing that forced him into reality was filing for divorce. He realized the terrible sin and his need for a savior. He repented and asked for a try at reconciliation.
We renewed our vows and are working hard at the work of trust, forgiveness, reconciliation and it is so very hard.
We’re committed to staying well and with the help of Leslie’s program and the online calls we’re making it.
Silence is a weapon and never a sign of love. Don’t wait 8 years under that torture. Find your Noble self and take courageous action. You never know what God will do.
I’m 68 years old & God moved be out this past Sept. It was getting to dangerous to live there. He thought he could be whoever he wanted to be & I couldn’t do a thing about it. While pretending to be a great guy around church folks . God told me enough is enough & the relationship is unsustainable. God showed me where to Go! .
Living In Grace,
Thank you for sharing this with such clarity and courage. What you’re describing—being disappeared on, chronically misunderstood, and having your reality denied,
is deeply destabilizing and rightly named as emotional abuse. I want to honor the strength it took to stop chasing connection that was never mutual and to begin separating his choices from your worth. That clarity is hard-won. Hard fought…
This is the very work many women come into Empowered to Change to do—not to fix someone else, but to reclaim their voice, dignity, and direction. Your story matters, and it’s helping others name what they’ve been living.
Coach LeAnne🌻
Thank you, LeAnne. The wisdom you share, and the other ladies’ insights, have made all the difference to me.
Leanne, you have a very powerful gift to get a person to see who they really are! Bless you! Debbie Brownfield 🥰
Debbie, what a beautiful thing to say. Thank you. I am grateful you are experiencing a sense of love and belonging here. There is a truth and a supernatural power revealed when we are known by God, ourselves and others. 🌻Coach LeAnne
I want to thank you for suggesting the book Disentangling from Emotionally Immature People. I’m listening to the audio book and it is spot on for my situation. I opted after much prayer to divorce 3 years ago after a demeaning long-term marriage. Could not do it anymore.
❤️
I experienced tthis treatment the last three years of my marriage. It was at a point even when we watched tv together he made it a point to lay or sit so he could not see me. It was a big signal that not only did he ignore me but couldn’t stand to see me. Body language is a big signal. I stood this as long as I could and filed for a divorce in 2025. I left home on December 26th of 2024. I am living alone and I am happy. As of this date my divorce is not final.
I have experienced the same as you stated. I became invisible and condemned.
Kathleen,
I am sending you love and comfort as I drink
my Thera-flu… I am fighting a bug this week,
and am reminded that so much is out of our control… I’m so sorry. Being made to feel invisible and condemned cuts deeply, it’s a particular kind of pain that seeps into your sense of self. What you’re naming matters, and it makes sense that it would leave a mark. You didn’t imagine it, and you didn’t deserve it. I’m grateful you spoke it out loud here. You’re seen, heard, and you’re not alone.
Alicia,
Thank you for sharing this. Being intentionally turned away from is deeply painful, and your body was telling you some truth. I want to honor the courage it took to leave and choose your well-being. Finding peace and happiness now matters. You’re not alone, and your story is seen here.
My heart breaks for those of you enduring this weaponized silence. It is awful.
I’m sharing my experience in case is resonates with someone.
When my husband retreats within himself (could be a day, could be several weeks), it is usually due to slipping into a depressive low. During this time he feels immense self-condemnation and shame. He also shuts down as a survival technic from a childhood of verbal and emotional abuse. This may have served him well as a child, but as an adult, it helps him avoid dealing with his pain and taking responsibility for his mental health. It has caused great pain and damage to our relationship as he doesn’t communicate when he needs space, he just takes it and I am left to figure out what’s going on based on reading his body language and tone (a toxic pattern as I’m learning).
I feel very torn over this dynamic of him being emotionally available and connected with me, then “going offline” for however long.
I feel great sorrow and compassion for the inner battles he’s fighting and the pain he carries each day as he battles depression (and addiction from self medicating).
I also feel frustration and anger as he doesn’t take action towards getting help for these issues. I think, “if he loved me and cared about our relationship, he’d try to get better so that he doesn’t keep hurting me.”
I’ve learned that him taking action for me isn’t enough; he has to want it for himself.
Furthermore, only God can change our hearts, so sometimes I feel frustrated with God, asking why he’s allowed this to go on for so long.
Well, God is answering my cries. Through counseling and the courage and insight given to me through resources like Leslie’s books and teachings, I finally had the courage to place boundaries and hold them. My husband and I are currently separated, but he is supposed to be checking into rehab soon, and he has a plan of things he needs to do before he can come home. He has our pastor and other trusted men walking him through this. I hope and pray my husband gets the healing he needs during this season, but I know no matter what, I will use the space to gain clarity and confidence that the Lord is all I need and I can stand on my own, with my own joy, regardless of how my husband is doing. God is at work. I am trusting Him to use this journey for our good and His glory.
Charlee, Thank you for sharing this so honestly and courageously. I can hear both the compassion you hold for your husband’s pain and the cost this dynamic has had on your own heart. That tension is real, and it’s heavy. You’re naming something so many women live with quietly—loving someone deeply while being hurt by patterns they haven’t yet taken responsibility for.
I want to honor the clarity you’re growing into: recognizing his wounds without excusing the impact, and choosing boundaries not as punishment, but as protection and truth. That is not easy. That takes courage, wisdom, and deep faith. You’re also naming a hard but freeing truth… change has to be something he wants for himself, and that your well-being cannot hinge on whether or when that happens.
I’m especially struck by the way you’re holding hope without self-abandonment. Trusting God and strengthening your own footing. That’s holy work. I will pray for continued clarity, steadiness, and peace for you and each of us ladies in this season. Let’s
pray healing for our husbands as well. Together, we
are walking this with humility and strength, and we are not alone.
Thank you LeAnne 💞. It feels nice to be affirmed. Yes, this is God’s work, and I give him credit for the fruit of the spirit He has cultivated in me thus far.
I hope you have a healing and peaceful trip. Wish I could hike with you and breath the fresh air! Will walk with you in spirit and look for some good hikes near me!
Blessings,
Charlee
❤️
I dealt with the receiving the silent treatment many times in my marriage. The longest one on record was for a month and a half. In other displays of emotional abuse, such as gaslighting, being put down or yelled at, I was definitely willing to change who I am to keep the peace and to save the relationship. But for whatever reason, when the silent treatment was used on me, I took on a demeanor of “Go right ahead if that’s what you want to do. I like not having to interact with you when you’re behaving like this.” So the silent treatment didn’t work on me as he intended it to. The silent treatment is one of the most spiteful, unloving things you can do to someone. It’s sole purpose is to hurt you as much as the other person possibly can. That marriage eventually ended (after hours of prayer and Godly counsel). I’ve never been happier in my life as I am now that I am single and free of the false god of thinking I have to be in a relationship to have value.
I am the one who is silent because everytime i open my mouth to ask a question or simply to comment on any subject in mid sentence he says oh I know what you are going to say, or he turns and walks away before I finish. Another words you aren’t worthy of me listening to you. THAT HURTS! HE likes to do all the talking and gives me all the details of what he is talking about but if I give him details of what I want to say. He says, you don’t have to give me details I know what you mean. So I am the one who won’t comment on anything, because he wants to control everything and I mean everything. We have no relationship because I can’t talk to him. So problems don’t get solved. So he gets to decide what , when, and where and how we do or go anywhere. I find myself with drawing from him more each day. We are married in name only.
Dearest Kathy, I can feel the weight of your words here. You are sharing what it looks like for you to respond with clarity to yourself. Healthy people Live In Truth. What is one thing you can do today to care well for your heart?
This convicts me. I have been avoiding spending time with my husband or conversing about our relationship. I have been scared of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing so I have shut down and begun to avoid him other than logistal/kids stuff. .Not my finest moment.
The church is trying to encourage me to persist, persevere, be patient…To me my marriage feels like a house full or termites (I literally had a dream about this). Everyone around me was telling me to lay in this bed in this house. So I did and I saw a bunch of termites, dozens and dozens of them oozing from the roof. Everyone around me and the owner of the house were trying to convince me there were no more termites and I should stay in that house and sleep in that bed. But the termites were obviously still there. I don’t know if this dream was from God or my own psyche, but it’s how I see things right now.
In real life this translates to my husband still has the bad habits that created problems in our marriage (gaslighting was huge, not taking full responsibility or accountability for a host of things). Everyone around me has faith for my marriage and I know God can do the impossible, There has been a gap between is possible and what has been happening.
So my response to my husband has not been okay at all. I have also been incredibly confused and I am not good at making solid life changing decisions at the best of times. I get so scared. Which doesn’t help. I just need prayer for wisdom and strength to also not mistreat my husband (talk to him) about this.
Julia, I feel for you. It sounds like you are trying so hard to do the right thing, to be generous, gracious, kind, etc, while in your heart and body, you perceive that what it going on around you is not within your control, as within your dream. There are many instances in the Bible of God communicating to people in dreams; I think regardless of our religious beliefs, even from a mental health standpoint, that dream says a lot.
I understand the fear of doing the wrong thing, of hurting or disappointing someone we love. I also hear patterns that I went through, for years, trying to find the way to get through to my husband, find the perfect words, do the perfect things, to create a healthy marriage, while feeling that I was losing my “ self”, while desperately wanting to be healthier and happier.
I wanted to make sure I had learned, addressed my own problems, supported my husband in his growth and in loving me as I did him. Then, I thought, we could have a mutually loving, respectful relationship.
But it didn’t happen, because it wasn’t wholly within my power or control, no matter how hard I tried, or how much I gave up.
In my case, the final analysis is:
I can only be 50% of any relationship.
I can control and be responsible for my own growth, thoughts, emotions, happiness, and actions. ( this is boundaries..literally took me 5 years to really understand. So give yourself grace, and time to absorb these truths. Keep learning, here and with wise others)
I am not responsible for anyone else’s growth, thoughts, emotions, happiness, and actions.. Not even my husband’s. Not even when he tries to blame his choices, feelings, attitudes, and behaviors on me. Not when he tries to manipulate me into taking on that responsibility.
It’s impossible to have a warm, loving relationship with someone you can’t talk to, knowing you will be heard and understood; can’t trust to respect, value and care for you; and who won’t look at himself when he’s done something hurtful, and take responsibility for his own behavior. ( adapted from, Leslie’s Emotionally Destructive Marriage book)
Sending prayers for peace, joy, wisdom, and calm for you❤️
God will not force anyone to change if they don’t want to. God obviously can do the impossible, but He also allows people to make their choices and experience the consequences of those choices whether good or bad.
Think Pharaoh in the Exodus. The Bible says that God actually hardened Pharaoh’s heart, because God knew what was in that heart. God allowed Pharaoh the agency or freedom to choose whom he will follow. We all have a choice. Choose this day whom you will serve.
My ex-husband of 35 years used the silent treatment repeatedly throughout our marriage. It only intensified as I slowly learned to set boundaries and ease back from over-investing in a one-sided relationship with him. Almost every time I suggested–no matter how positively, hopefully, gently–that we talk about our marriage, I could expect this silent behavior. It felt like retaliation/punishment for asking for relationship. Before I finally separated, we lived in the same small one-level house with him acting like no one else was home. He looked through me, didn’t respond if I asked him something, moved to another room to leave the one I was in or lived and even ate! mostly in his bedroom. It was like emotional torture for me and even with God helping me, incredibly hard and exhausting to maintain a sense of myself. I fought feeling erased, like a ghost. Finally It became unsafe and impossible to stay and stay well. I separated; he immediately filed for divorce. Though I expressed hope to him for a collaborative/amicable divorce and offered (largely for my sons’ sakes) to try to keep some sense of “family” even though we were no longer married, the wall of silence continued. I’ve been divorced for two years now and I’ve heard nothing from him. I think I’m just dead in his eyes. He didn’t even let me know when he recently retired or tell me that the paperwork I needed for claiming my pension portion (my income when support ends) had been mailed to him in error. Rebuilding a life at 70 sure isn’t for the faint-hearted! It’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, but I’m doing it a day at a time, leaning on Jesus. And I’m happy and Free–and still discovering all that means. “My soul has escaped, like a bird from the net of the fowler. The net is broken, and I have escaped.” (Ps 124:7). God is so incredibly GOOD!!
my ex would also use silent treatment. Maybe we had a conflict that never got resolved like usual and then i’d get the silent treatment. In early years it would be hours and then as the years went on it became days and then weeks. I remember many ballgames my kids played where i’d already be there in the bleachers and look for him to come in only to see him come in late and sit with other people he knew bypassing me like i was never there. He knew i was there, but it was just something he did to hurt me. No one else really noticed. Thought it was the usual and that he was just socializing. But, i knew different. I’d then continue to figure out why he was giving me silent treatment, and when and if i brought it up he’d respond with , “you are the one that hasn’t been talking to me.” This was part of his not taking responsibility. I’m empathetic and would try and figure out if I had actually given him silent treatment like he said or why he was acting like he was. I was always then the one to come around and make things right (if you can call it that). Then we’d be back in the honeymoon stage until the cycle continued…..honeymoon stage, rise in conflict, conflict, silent treatment (pushing it all under the rug, and then coming back around somehow to the honeymoon stage. It’s such a vicious cycle. I’m glad to be free, but I have funerals in my head all the time of what could’ve been and how i think things should be. But, I do believe that God freed me from more harm. He rescued me. Separated July 2022 after he refused counseling more than 3 sessions, and then divorce final Nov 2023. I was disrespected, disregarded, and then discarded. But, God loves me and He wants what is best for me and my kids (17 and 20). I am trying to show/tell them what a healthy relationship should be like when I get the chance to point things out in their own relationships as I don’t want them following in our same footsteps. They saw unhealthy patterns as normal and i don’t want that for their future relationships. I’m praying for better days ahead. Thank you all for your stories. It’s what gets us all through terrible experiences. Thank you to Leslie and Co for the wonderful Biblical references and help. What a blessing! Better days in 2026 for all of us!
Thank you for sharing your hear and story here. You are loved and supported. Better day are ahead indeed! Hold fast dear one. Hold fast.
LeAnne, I am praying for your upcoming walk of the Camino. I sense some fear, but you know that God will never ever leave nor forsake you. Jesus walks hand in hand with us constantly. I pray that you will be used MIGHTILY to reach others with God’s Word, Comfort, and Wisdom. What an opportunity!
Thank you Julie for your support, kind words and prayer! He goes before me- walks beside me and is my rear guard! I am so grateful.
Coach LeAnne🌻
I’d like to warn people to not get sucked into, “Well you do the silent treatment too” trap. Everything has its counterfeit. One can be silent to punish the other, or one can be silent to protect oneself from being harmed. Total opposite.
That goes for a lot of our dynamics.
Connie, Absolutely! That’s a really good point. I can’t count the times I’ve heard “ you do it too” and then become mired in cognitive dissonance: “ it doesn’t feel like I’m doing the same thing…”.
Or the irrational comparisons: If I say, “ it hurts my feelings that you won’t take me to my cancer surgery “ his response was “ well, you didn’t kiss me at the company Christmas party!” ( seriously, I am not making this up! Not to mention…60 something’s kissing at a company Christmas party?!?!?🙄)
For years, I’ve tried to make sense of the cognitive dissonance of the experience that he says “he loves me so much” at the same time he is being truly abusive.
And now I finally realize….it’s not me.
Also, the book It’s Not You, by Ramani Durvasula, helped me.
Thank you for joining the conversation Connie, there are so many layers. Healthy people live in truth. Even when it’s hard. We are stronger together.
Warmly,
Coach LeAnne 🫶🌻🫶
Thank you to all of you. I needed to hear and see every comment today. It has been a difficult 2 months. It has been a difficult marriage for almost 30 years. I am finding myself as if I am standing looking at a piece of land that represents our marriage, and it is burned to the ground.
I experience a sense of strong, stillness in my innermost being. I am ok…still standing, with no more plans and ideas of trying to fix anything or anyone any longer. I am done chasing connection. The silent treatment has been an ongoing pattern from right after the birth of our oldest daughter who is 25 years now. A pattern almost every time I said no to my husband for anything
This time was the longest and most intense it has ever been before, maybe because I have allowed it, without responding in my old patterns desperately seeking peace.
It is like as if a fire I have tried to contain for years, couldn’t be contained any longer and the fire burned everything to the ground, beyond repair.. I wait with expectation on God to give me direction. I am grateful for the resource and especially this resource God has made available to me.
Thank you thank you thank you for 10 years I have been following Leslie and her team, thank you LeAnne for your words of wisdom answering this question that was asked. Thank you to the person asking what I didn’t even knew had to be asked.
I receive and believe His promise in psalm 139:5 You have gone into my future to prepare the way, and in kindness you follow behind me to spare me from the harm of my past. You have laid your hand on me. This is my prayer today for me and for everyone of you.
Judith, Thank you for sharing your journey, and we join in prayer with and for you as you receive and believe His Word in and for this season. Coach LeAnne
Hi, I just would like to clarify… to prevent any misunderstanding…If I remember correctly I bought Leslie’s book The emotionally destructive marriage about 10 years ago. Over time I start following her on Facebook and now also her team as her ministry developed over the years.
I am grateful to God for the other resources in South-Africa where I found support from trusted councilors and friends, walking beside me.
Judith