Spring is a glorious season, it's a time for gratitude and celebration. We get to reflect on hope, renewal, and the gift of our salvation in Christ Jesus.
This week's question provides an opportunity to appreciate the courage and strength it takes to prioritize our well-being and set boundaries in our relationships. By focusing on what is working and finding solutions that honor our values and needs, we can work to build healthy and fulfilling relationships. Let us take a moment to appreciate the resilience and wisdom of those who seek to honor God with their bodies and relationships. May this post inspire us to practice wisdom, gratitude and curiosity in all areas of our lives.
This Week’s Question:
My husband and I live in the same house, but we sleep in different bedrooms. While I am okay with this arrangement, my husband is still adjusting to it. Our children and grandchildren are visiting soon, and I am not yet ready to share a bedroom with my husband. How can I explain to them why I no longer sleep in the same room as my husband?
Dear sister in Christ,
We receive questions like yours often, and I want to acknowledge the courage it takes to seek God's best for yourself, your husband, and your family. As a community, we understand the complexities that arise as relationships face challenges, and I hold space for you as you prepare to share a courageous conversation with your loved ones.
First and foremost, it's crucial to understand that your decision to sleep in a separate room is not a sign of weakness or lack of faith. In 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, Paul reminds us that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, and we must honor God with them. When in an emotionally, sexually, or physically abusive relationship, sleeping in the same room as your spouse can cause harm to your body, mind, spirit, and soul.
God does not want you to endure abuse or a relationship that is harmful to your well-being. In Proverbs 29:25, we are told that the fear of man brings a snare. Whoever trusts in the Lord shall be safe. Your decision to sleep in a separate room is a way of setting boundaries and protecting yourself from harm, which is essential for your safety and well-being. Quality sleep is foundational to your wellbeing.
Ideas to get you started: In Matthew 22:37-40, Jesus tells us that the greatest commandment is to love the Lord with all our hearts, souls, and minds, and the second is to love our neighbors as ourselves. Your decision to sleep in a separate room is a way of showing love to yourself and your husband by setting boundaries that will hopefully lead to a healthier relationship.
God hates it when humans mistreat one another. If you and your husband are working through issues and seeking healing, there may be hope for reconciliation. However, if the relationship is emotionally or physically harmful, separation during the nighttime hours may be necessary to protect yourself. Your safety, emotionally, spiritually, mentally, and physically is important to God.
You have the time and space right now to make a decision. When talking to your children and grandchildren about this issue, it's important to be honest, direct, and age-appropriate.
To prepare for a courageous conversation, it's essential to get clear and confident in your approach. Ask yourself a curious question such as, “What is the most important thing I want them to know right now?” Pause, pray, and journal your answer. Prepare the most important points that need to be communicated and plan when you will share. Keep it simple and to the point. Practice often what you will say, and how you will say it. How will you respect all involved?
Here are some additional questions for you to ponder: Do you want to share the bare minimum, or would you like to explain your relationship challenges in more detail – understanding that your spouse may disagree with your reasons, even in front of the children and grandchildren?. Will that end up causing conflict during their visit?. How will that feel? Are the sleeping arrangements something you would like to discuss prior to their arrival? Remember friend, You get to choose the how, when, and what you share.
During this challenging time, it's essential to seek support from trusted safe friends, family members, or a wise coach/counselor who can help you through this difficult time. Your children may also need support and counseling to understand and process what is happening in their family. And that is okay. May the Lord give you strength, wisdom, and courage as you prayerfully pause, prepare, practice, and plan for this important conversation.
Finally, remember that God is ever-present. You can turn to Him for strength and guidance. In Psalm 46:1, the Bible tells us that God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Invite your family to pray for you and your husband and for the strength and wisdom to navigate this difficult situation. Place the outcome at the foot of the cross and believe that God holds you and your family in His mighty right hand.
Beloved Readers, how have you prepared yourself for the courageous conversations that matter most?
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