My Wife Disrespects Me in Front of the Children

Question: My wife is extremely disrespectful to me and often uses four letter words in front of our children when she's mad. I've told her it bothers me but she tells me to grow up and quit being a baby. I've tried just loving her in the hopes that she will change but so far, nothing changes. (Ron in GA)

Answer: I applaud your commitment to love your wife in spite of her treatment towards you. It is extremely tempting when someone is disrespectful to retaliate or shut down completely. It will be important for you to guard your heart against such things or your marriage will only deteriorate further.

That said however, you cannot make a good marriage on your own. Respect is one of the essential ingredients in all healthy relationships (the other's are mutual caring and mutual honesty). When these ingredients are not mutually practiced, a relationship cannot be healthy or close. Your wife's behavior not only dishonors God, but she also hurts you, she hurts your children and believe it or not, she is hurting herself.

So what can you do? First, recognize that you cannot change her but you can lovingly invite her to change. How? By continuing to speak up about how you feel. You've already told her that her language upsets you. Continue to speak up by using “I” statements rather than “you” statements. For example, you might say,

“I hate when you talk to me that way” or “I feel disrespected when you call me names.” versus “You're a nag (or worse).

Second, if she takes what you have shared and then mocks you, respond with another “I” statement. For example: “I don't like when you put me down when I tell you how I feel. We can't have a good marriage if we don't respect each other.”

If she refuses to hear you and continues to belittle you, then it's time to stand up. You need to say something like, “I won't allow myself to be talked to that way any more. If you want me to listen to what you have to say, you'll have to say it differently.” and then walk away. She will soon learn that she does not get your attention when she behaves disrespectfully and hopefully will decide to at least speak to you differently.

Those steps are not enough to change your marriage around but can be a start. I'd encourage you to make sure you have plenty of Christian support to stay the course of being a good husband and father even if your wife doesn't change. My book How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong can give you some specific guidelines on how to do just that.

I am offering a free teleseminar on The Emotionally Destructive Relationship, September 29th at 9pm EST. If you’d like more information or would like to sign up for the seminar, contact me at Leslie@leslievernick.com

Leave a Comment





Ask Your Question

Have a blog question you'd like to submit?

Read More

I’m disabed and my wife is neglectful and abusive

Hi, I had a wonderful week visiting with my grandbaby. She is so sweet and cuddly. I actually got to keep her overnight for one day to give my daughter a break. My daughter relished the break and said she fell asleep immediately and was unconscious the entire night. The weather in LA was overcast…

Read More...

Is It Serious Enough To Separate?

Morning friend, Walking in CORE strength, our 3-month coaching group, is now open. Classes start the week of March 13. We only offer this group coaching program twice a year so if you’re ready to take positive action to get healthier and stronger, please check this out. Today’s Question: My dilemma and internal struggle has…

Read More...

My Top 5 Post On Destructive Marriages

Morning friends, I got home safe and sound from a wonderful dream trip to Italy. I’ve wanted to visit Italy for years and years and this beautiful country did not disappoint. There was so much history, so much beauty, so much fun, beautiful weather and great food to feast on day after day. Here are…

Read More...