My husband is disinterested in me and the kids. What can I do?

Q. I’ve been married to a man I dearly love. The years have not been easy and we have both made terrible choices. Right after our second child was born, our oldest was diagnosed with cancer. My husband cared for the baby while I stayed at the hospital with our sick child and came home on the weekends. This took its toll on our marriage, my husband got angry with God, and ended up having an affair. Long story – but I found out, reacted poorly, make some very bad choices in friends, got involved with drugs and made a bad situation worse.

Then I found out I was pregnant again, I stopped the drugs, got my act together only to find out my husband had been sleeping with one of my “friends”. That’s over with and he’s back home. I am now expecting again. He’s been faithful to me for over a year, but he’s disengaged from me and the kids. He’s constantly tired and does not desire to be with me or spend time with our children.

I feel scared of what this is doing to me. I don’t want to be ill and angry all the time. I need my husband to be there for me, especially now. What should I do?

Answer: There are no simple answers to your situation but let me give you a few things to think about and try.

It sounds as if your husband and you have both made poor choices when you're been under stress. It will be tempting to repeat old patterns. Don't let yourself go there. In spite of where he is going right now you need to remain focused on the Lord and the help he wants to give you. I'd highly recommend you read my book, How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong and I have put one in the mail to you.

Your husband may be depressed or just burnt out caring for 3 children with a 4th on the way. He may feel neglected with not enough husband/wife time is available to him, thus making him vulnerable to the attentions of other women. This doesn't excuse his behavior, but you may need to be intentional about just trying to engage him as a husband.

Right now, don't focus on how he isn't meeting your or the children's needs, but how you can affirm him and meet his needs. That may feel unfair or exhausting to you right now considering what you've been through, but right now your choices are critical and how you respond to his apathy and indifference will either draw him toward you and the family, or push him further away.

Get yourself some better girlfriends. Your friend from the past was no friend; she was an enemy in disguise. I hope you're involved in a church and have a supportive network of godly women who will help you be the kind of wife and mom you want to. You may also need to get yourself some counseling to ward off your own depression

Right now you need to stay healthy, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically. You need support. Avail yourself of the church and women’s bible studies to find strong, mature women who can mentor you.

Have you heard about the BRAND NEW group coaching program?

SIX WEEKS OF UNLIMITED LIVE ZOOM COACHING

This small group coaching program is the culmination of 25 years of private practice and hundreds of hours helping women just like you.

Leave a Comment





Ask Your Question

Have a blog question you'd like to submit?

Read More

Is it sinful to take antidepressant medication?

Q. I struggle with depression and feel guilty taking antidepressant medication. Some Christians say that depression is a sin problem. Others say it’s a disease. I’m so confused. Am I sinning by taking medication? Lori in IN A. You are not alone. Many depressed people feel ambivalent about taking medication. They fear it means that…

Read More...

The Glorious Unbecoming – Part II [Guest Post]

Morning friends, Thanks so much for your prayers. My dad got out of the rehab center last Wednesday and I was able to fly home and leave him and my stepmother in the able care of another sibling. We are praying he will grow stronger again and they will be able to continue to live…

Read More...

Is Not Talking Cruel

Morning friend, I’d appreciate your prayers.  I’ll be speaking at the River Conference this weekend at Prestonwood Baptist Church near Dallas, TX. This is my first event since COVID and I’m sure it will feel a little weird.  Pray that people are met by God this weekend and find help to help others. Question: My…

Read More...