Picking Up the Pieces: Healing After Divorce and the God Who Makes All Things New.
Last month, I shared with you that I was heading to Alaska and asked for your prayers as I stepped into what I hoped would be a time of rest, renewal, and adventure. Thank you, truly, for holding me in prayer. The trip was beautiful, breathtaking, and full of moments that reminded me how small I am and how big our God is. But it was also full of the unexpected- challenges, detours, and opportunities to practice what I teach, coach and purpose to live. Inviting in resilience, and perseverance when things don’t go according to “the plan”.
One of the most sacred moments of my trip happened in Homer, standing at the edge of Glacier Lake. The air was crisp and still, the kind of quiet that makes you hold your breath. I had been walking, breathing, and praying, keeping my commitment to wait on the Lord, when I heard it. A deep groan echoed across the water. I watched as a huge piece of glacier, one that had already broken off and was floating on its own, split again, calved, and disappeared beneath the surface. The sound was thunderous, the ripples spread wide, and then there was silence.
In an instant, the view was different. The lake I had seen just minutes earlier no longer existed as it was. No one would ever see it the same way again. And something in me shifted too. It felt like a holy mirror, as though God was showing me that there were still pieces of my own story, long broken off, that I was carrying around half-frozen. As that ice vanished into the water, I felt a hardness inside me begin to melt. Tears came. Prayer came. And in the stillness I sensed God whisper: See? Even what feels lost is part of the remaking. To be honest even as i write this the tears are falling again.
I walked away knowing the lake was changed forever, and so was I.
Maybe you’ve had moments like that too, moments where something in your life, already broken, finally sank out of sight. The landscape of your life changed, and so did you. It can feel disorienting, even heartbreaking, but it can also be the beginning of God’s remaking work in you.
This week, a reader asked us this question:
“Now that my emotionally destructive marriage has ended, where do I start picking up the pieces? (I’ve been divorced now 5 years and he came out as gay, so I literally did nothing to end my marriage.)”
Beloved Reader, I hear the ache in your question. When a marriage ends, especially when you didn’t choose it, it can feel like the ground beneath you gave way. The losses are real, the betrayal is real, and the longing for wholeness is real too. Even after five years, it’s okay if your heart still feels tender. That doesn’t mean you’re failing, it means you’ve been through something life-altering, and you’re still here, still breathing, still wanting to heal. That desire matters.
One of the most powerful things you can do right now is tell yourself the truth. Name the marriage you dreamed of but didn’t get. Name the betrayal, the heartbreak, the moments that still sting. God isn’t afraid of your honesty. In fact, “The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.” (Psalm 145:18, NLT) When you speak the truth, even if it’s messy, even if it’s angry, you open the door for God to meet you right there.
And then, gently notice what you’re still carrying that doesn’t belong to you. The shame. The self-blame. The late-night “what ifs.” You didn’t cause this, and you don’t have to keep dragging those weights through your future. Hebrews 12:1 calls us to “strip off every weight that slows us down… and run with endurance the race God has set before us.” This isn’t about rushing ahead, it’s about laying down what’s too heavy so you can breathe again.
When waves of grief or anger hit, let them come. Don’t shame yourself for still feeling them. Emotions aren’t the enemy, they’re messengers. Bring them into the light with God. “Pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.” (Psalm 62:8, NLT) He can hold your tears, your questions, and even your anger.
As the edges of the pain begin to soften, you can start asking: Who am I becoming? What kind of life do I want to create moving forward? What would it look like to show up for myself with kindness and courage? This is where you get to build something new. Slowly, intentionally, with God’s help. “Anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” (2 Corinthians 5:17, NLT)
And please don’t try to do this alone. A safe community is not optional when you’re healing, it’s essential. Ecclesiastes reminds us, “Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed.” (Ecclesiastes 4:9, NLT) Find the people who can sit with you in the dark and cheer you toward the light.
If you’re wondering where to start today, here’s a gentle invitation: take ten minutes and grab your journal, and a favorite pen. Write your answers to these questions:
- What am I still grieving?
- What would it look like to release what I was never meant to carry?
Bring those answers to God in prayer. “Your word is a lamp to guide my feet and a light for my path.” (Psalm 119:105, NLT) You don’t have to see the whole picture — just the next step.
And remember this: you are not just scattered pieces on the floor. You are being lovingly gathered by the God who makes all things new. Your story isn’t over. You are worthy of peace, safety, and joy. Even here, even now.
Friend, I’d love to know:
What part of your heart do you sense God inviting you to soften, release, or trust Him with in this season?
What is one small way you are letting God remake your story, even in the places that have felt broken?
Your words might be exactly what another woman needs to take her first step too.
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Thank you LeAnne for writing this, sharing that glacier experience! It touched me in a profound way! Words are failing to be able to articulate it. But thank you!!☺️
I’m praying that the Lord will help me to allow His love/warmth to melt those glaciers in my life/heart to be able to change into that new thing He has in mind for me!!🙏🏽
You’re a true blessing LeAnne!!!🥰
Eva, I am so blessed by your encouragement and I feel your desire to grow and honor the Lord with your one precious life. I pray daily that we all allow the Lord to melt our hearts and keep us teachable, moldable and open to the spirits guidance. There is much to trust God for.
Thank you so much for this blog. I’m not divorced, but I do want to share this with others. I think I need to join Conquer. I”ve known that for years. In order to be a part of the cvhat and ask quesitons I wouldn need to use a different name. HOw would that work?
Thank you for being here. I see you. We would be honored to walk with you. Please reach out to [email protected] for any support you may need. They are wonderful and can help with all of your questions and concerns.
Thank you LeAnne . That is beautful!!
Eva what I can add from my experience is so often it’s attached to a old trama would that says I wasn’t enough again. Or I don’t fit in or After all I have done how could they not Love me. For me that’s what it is. It’s amazing how long it can take to get that voice of lies out of our limbic brain.
I know that voice is a lie. I know I am who God says I am. But yet when others ghost me abandon or reject me that voice to question myself comes back at times.
I to am learning the hardest part of the process I find is to seperate others from myself.
Why do I take on what others character values and choices are as it has to do with me I ask.
That’s the battle.
Really like Leslie once said “Ladies u think it’s about u but 96% of what others say and do is about there character there values there choices.
And really because there lost and the powers and principalities get to these people’s minds.
I try to see it like that now.
Your husband being gay has nothing to do w you and u can’t control or change that. That’s between him and God and it’s his battle.
When those voices of shame and self doubt come.
I ask myself..
Is this true or false about me?
Is what they say true or false about them
Most the time I find lost people project who they really are on us. And we get the trama bond when it never was true.
So I suggest to get to the real u. Your character and values
Speak that truth of your identity over yourself.
That truth is usually the pollar oppisite of that lieing voice that keeps us stuck
Like I am more than enough and list those ways
No I may not fit in and I don’t want to. I love myself how I am.
I am proud of me and how God made me!
I have my own back
I am my own best friend
I will never again try to fit in someone else’s mold of me because that is not my purpose
God made me this way. I love myself
I love my character and values and I love the Lord and how he loves me.
It really helps me when I talk against those lieing spirits over and over again and speak the oppisite spirit and remember others are lost and what they say and do has nothing to do w me.
I hope this helps someone.
We really have to stand and have our own backs and no who we are in a world many make us loose sight of that truth is what I am learning..
I know I have grieved things for so many years and most of it is self doubt at the root.
For some of us it takes more years to grieve though and we need to be kind to ourselves as we go through the process and stay thankful for all the good continuously really helps me heal
I really need the if.
What l can do to live this divorce
Irma, I’ve been there, and now I’m in the middle of it again. It’s heartbreaking, and terrifying. But one thing I learned thru the last divorce was that God is with us. He provided for me during the most difficult season of raising 4 kids – with no job, a mortgage, and no spousal support (until the divorce was finalized and I started receiving money from him). It was INCREDIBLY hard!!! To get thru this time, surround yourself with a good support group – family, friends, church family – whatever and whoever it takes!! Pray – for strength, comfort, guidance, provision, wisdom… and TRUST GOD. He will be there!!! After awhile, I began to think differently about what was going to happen to my little family and me, and started realizing that I could be anything I wanted to be!!! I could choose a profession!! I had been a stay at home mom for 18 years, but I had some talents; I put them to use and found a job in the financial field. I’m retired now, and as I mentioned – my 2nd husband just left me 2 mos ago. This time, I am not afraid AT ALL. I have the experience of God getting me through the first time, and I know He will again. His hand is all over my life – and I know if you look back, you’ll see He was there with you then, is now, and will always be!! God Bless, and stay in touch!!
Grief journeys are as individual as the person they are attached to. Give yourself grace.
There is a lovely book called: Live Life in Crescendo: Your most Important Work is always Ahead of You. By Cynthia Covey Haller and Stephen Covey (7 habits of highly effective people). It was his last book before his passing.
It’s very helpful in positively imagining and developing what’s possible and what’s next in your life. It’s applicable no matter our age, stage, or background.
I wish you healing and peace and a life lived in crescendo!
Be vulnerable. Its the only way to let love in. I feel that is what God wants me to trust him with. I dont imagine I’ll be letting a new beau in my life any time soon as i filed for divorce only 2 months ago, but basically to not make my heart cold. I can still have boundaries and be vulnerable to opportunities to get to know someone, to help someone, to just talk to someone. Alll of these are hard for me right now, so I have to trust him to lead me in these conversations and coincidences. I am trying to get more comfortable about places God is leading me and not shy a way from new people. Its definitely small and will take me a long time for me to comfortable in my own skin. Still have to change the talk in my head from what others (my husband) have lead me to believe about myself.
Lysa Terkeurst: Surviving an Unwanted Divorce: A Biblical, Practical Guide to Letting Go While Holding Yourself Together
If you find yourself facing the end of your marriage and you aren’t sure what to do next, Lysa TerKeurst deeply understands. After experiencing the painful death of her marriage of nearly 30 years, she wanted to create a biblical resource for women to turn to so they can be equipped to move forward in whole and healthy ways. That’s why she wrote her latest book, Surviving an Unwanted Divorce, alongside theologian Dr. Joel Muddamalle and Licensed Professional Counselor Jim Cress. Through these pages, you’ll gain the practical, scriptural tools you need to get to the other side and see that life doesn’t end when your marriage does.
Want Even More of a Sneak Peek?
Here are all the chapter titles …
Introduction: Secrets Always Take a Toll on Their Keeper
Chapter 1: A House Cut in Two
Chapter 2: What About My Covenant with God?
Chapter 3: But Doesn’t God Hate Divorce?
Chapter 4: Is the Only Valid Reason for Divorce Sexual Infidelity?
Chapter 5: Why Hasn’t God Stopped All This from Happening?
Chapter 6: Life Changes, but You Get to Decide How You Change
Chapter 7: It’s Time to Take the High Ground You Were Meant to Occupy
Chapter 8: Forgiveness Feels So Incredibly Unfair
Chapter 9: But I Feel Like a Forgiveness Failure
Chapter 10: What Does Accepting This New Normal Look Like?
Conclusion: Now It’s Time to Dream Again
Blessings ELisabeth