Finding Hope and Healing: Praying for a Godly Husband After Divorce
In the quiet of the night, on the dawn of a bright sunrise, or at the most inconvenient times, loneliness creeps in. It's natural to long for companionship and the warmth of a loving relationship. For Christian women who have faced the trials of emotional abuse, divorce, and betrayal, this longing can be especially heartbreaking. Loneliness can be both a whisper and a roar in our souls. I have spoken to many women these past few months about loneliness. Inside and outside of a marital relationship. So many have asked, “LeAnne, Is it wrong to wish and pray for God to bring me a Godly husband?” So I was impressed to answer this publicly here on our blog when I read this question from a beloved reader.
Question: Is it wrong to wish and pray that God will bring me a Godly husband? I’ve been divorced for 3 years and I’m so lonely. I’ve never lived alone my entire life. Now at 64, is it even possible I could get married again?
LeAnne’s Response: The short answer to your first question is No; it is not wrong to pray for a Godly husband. God knows the desires of your heart, and seeking a loving, Christ-centered relationship can be a noble and sincere prayer. However, it's crucial to approach this desire with a heart attuned to God's guidance.
For Christian women who've walked the painful path of divorce, especially from an emotionally destructive marriage, the journey toward healing and hope can feel like an uphill climb. In this blog post, we'll walk this path together, addressing the fears and doubts that may arise with compassion, wisdom, and a foundation in Scripture.
In your heart's deepest corners, you may be asking, “Is it even right to wish for another chance at love?” It's crucial to acknowledge that, following a divorce, various fears, insecurities, and uncertainties will surface. Let's explore these feelings with the understanding that they are both valid and deeply personal.
If we were sitting at my favorite coffee shop, I imagine we would be having a conversation about guilt, shame, and fear. It's common to carry a heavy load of guilt and shame after a divorce, even when it is necessary for your safety and well-being. You might wonder if you're somehow at fault or if God views your divorce as a mark against your character. Remember, Romans 8:1 assures us that “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Your past does not define your worth or God's love for you.
Some Christian communities hold strict views on divorce, which can lead to fear of judgment. It's essential to recognize that not all divorces are the same, and God's grace extends to each unique situation. We have a very diverse Christian community here and for the sake of this conversation, I will lead with grace. I urge you to seek counsel from wise, safe, and understanding spiritual leaders who can provide guidance tailored to your beliefs, and core values, and unique circumstances.
Abuse of any kind can leave profound scars, often leading to doubts about your worthiness of love and a healthy relationship. Psalm 34:18 reminds us that God is near to the brokenhearted. Allow yourself the time and support needed to heal emotionally, from the inside out, knowing that God desires your restoration and happiness. Doing your own work to gain health, and strength and reclaim your dignity is a personal journey worth every step. We do our own work best in a community with other like-minded women who are on the same path to wholeness.
Is It Possible to Get Married Again at 64?
As you stand at the threshold of a new chapter, it is understandable to have questions about finding love again. Let's acknowledge these concerns while holding fast to the hope that age should never be a barrier to love and companionship. I live in a 55 and over-aged community here in Arizona, and I see couples flourishing all around me. Many are followers of Christ, and in their second marriages.
Many women I have spoken with throughout the years have a genuine fear of repeating past mistakes. It's natural to fear a repetition of past wounds. Proverbs 4:23 advises us to “guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” This includes guarding your heart against unhealthy relationships. Seek counseling, coaching and support to address these fears and develop healthy boundaries.
Friends, family, or fellow church members may not always understand the complexities of your journey. Remember that your relationship with God is personal, and it's your heart He seeks to guide. Seek counsel from those who offer understanding and support.
After enduring a painful marriage, you may feel called to focus on your spiritual growth and independence. Philippians 1:6 assures us that “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion.” Know that your spiritual journey is uniquely yours, and it may include finding love again, or it may not. Both paths are valid. Your journey is filled with complexity, pain, and hope, and it deserves the utmost compassion and care.
As you navigate these uncertain waters, remember that God's love knows no bounds, and His grace extends to every corner of your heart. Trust in Him, seek guidance from those who understand your unique journey, and allow yourself to heal and grow, step by step. Speaking from my personal chapters of life, my girl friendships warm my heart and soul regularly. Their presence in my life regularly enriches my journey. My days are more vibrant, more fun, and full of light. So many times they have filled me with courage, hope, and wisdom for life's trials, storms, successes, victories, and challenges.
Give of your own heart selflessly and if the recipient is wise, safe, and worthy – you will have won a friend. When you see a friend in crisis do not merely text or Facebook them. Pick up the phone and offer to pray with them, meet for coffee or a hike, take them a meal, or better yet, ask them how they would like to spend time. You can form a sisterhood of sunshine. You will warm up your friend’s life, and they will warm yours.
Whether your path leads to a loving partnership, some new female friendships, or a season of solitude, know that your Heavenly Father walks alongside you, guiding you toward hope, healing, and the love you deserve. He holds your hand in His boundless love and grace.
Beloved readers: What's one step you're considering taking on your journey toward hope, healing, and potentially finding a Godly partner? Is there a specific scripture, piece of advice, or personal experience that has resonated with you?
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Isaiah 54:5-15 In-Context
Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated. You will forget the shame of your youth and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood. 5 For your Maker is your husband— the LORD Almighty is his name— the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer; he is called the God of all the earth.
I have claimed this scripture and other related scriptures for a good part of my 49 plus years of marriage. It has stood the test of time and my anchor holds and grips the solid rock. Through the years, we attended many great marriage seminars and had a number of good marriage counselors. I grew and flourished in core strength from each one. However, our marriage dynamic never changed. At a marriage intensive four years ago, we received my husband’s diagnosis of schizoid personality disorder. What a relief it was for me! All of us are very unique with very unique challenges. I believe Leslie always gives very good advice, as she has here. I would just add: try claiming this scripture and see how God leads you. It has been glorious for me.
Thank you for this highly relevant, encouraging passage. I too prayed, cried out, for the Lord to end my loneliness after 26 years of isolation and mistreatment in a broken marriage. Then I prayed for a humble, sacrificial Christ-like servant leader. The Lord heard my pleas and restored for me a long lost relationship with a now truly devoted Christian man, imperfect like me yet perfect for me! I am remarried, now to the best friend I have ever had. We both have wounds and scars from our past divorces to work through daily, yet the Lord is our constant companion and the head of our home. I pray that other women will read your passage from Isaiah and be encouraged that our God is a God who sees and hears them, and who cares about the needs of our hearts like only a husband with “perfect” love truly can.
Amen! I celebrate with you. Our Lord hears us in the storm and in the calm.
Kat! Thank you for sharing your journey here. Wounds, scars, hurts, and joys are part of the story of each precious life. Having them held tenderly by another human is indeed life giving. No matter what our future holds, we know WHO holds it tenderly…
Marcia, Thank you for sharing your story and encouragement- a diagnosis such as your husbands of schizoid personality disorder, helps us to put some pieces together to a very complex relationship puzzle. Keep your eyes on Him, anchored to His strength and wisdom sister- He sees you.
I was in your shoes 18 years ago. I had left my abusive marriage of 20 years and was missing the companionship I had never really experienced. I spent years doing counseling, Christian support groups, and Bible study. Then, God blessed me beyond measure. He introduced me to a wonderful man I met at church. We were in a small group together for over a year, and then I asked HIM out. One year later to the day, we married. We have been married almost 15 years. It has not been easy (he brought 4 hurting broken children with him). We struggled through the poor choices of his kids. Now they are all grown and life is beyond sweet. We are partners in everything, our counseling practice, our ministries at church, our families, our friends, our home. Yes, it IS possible. Bless you sister.
I have been divorced almost 2 years now, after ending a marriage that lasted over 30 years. He was living a double life the entire time, sexual addiction, emotional abuse and spiritual abuse along with so much more. I too long for a godly marriage. I desire to do life with someone. I pray every day God allows me to have a second chance at a truly godly marriage. Thank you for the article.
Mary, The Lord hear your heart and so do we. The double life many men lead is heart breaking indeed. You are valuable, worthy and deeply loved.
We will not discover who we are through the broken lens of other people.
God’s voice must be the loudest voice in our lives.
God’s lens must be the lens that we see ourselves through.
Don’t allow the Enemy to have victory over your identity or your life. Today, surrender the old names that have defined you for too long. Choose to engage in God’s Word and what God says about you.
When you know who you are, it changes how you live.
Thank you Caroline for shsaring your story here. Second chapters are not always easy, but they can be sweet.
I was also divorced after 35 years of marriage; my ex had found someone else. The hurt and despair was overwhelming. I did not see that I had a purpose, as I thought my purpose was to be a wife and mother. I was very depressed and I had to leave the home we had built together. But I maintained the community of my church, developed deep friendships with other single women in my shoes, started playing pickleball, and was involved in a book club. I was active and working, but still lonely. However a few months post divorce, I then became the caregiver to my toddler granddaughter as she was removed from her parents by Child Services. I was now a single grandmother with a traumatized child; my life revolved around daycare drop offs and pickups, my job, feeding the child and bath time. I couldn’t go out as the child needed to be in bed. It was a very small life, but I also think God placed this child in my life as my new purpose. The child needed a safe and stable home, and I needed to heal and feel needed.
I prayed for a Christian husband, and I even came up with a list of the top of qualities I wanted in a new husband. I secretly desired a widower, as I wanted someone who had loved his wife. 18 months post divorce, I met a widower on Christian Mingle. I was worried about telling him about my grandchild, but then I found out he had his daughter and two grandchildren living with him as well. Our first dates revolved around kid friendly activities with our three little chaperones! We had many parallels in our stories, and we know God put us together. When we were 61, we were married with our three granddaughters as flower girls. We both sold our homes and moved into a new home which is “ours”. My granddaughter has been with me 7 years now. I don’t know too many men who would sign up to grandparent on a full-time basis another man’s grandchild. I am richly blessed. I can attest that God hears your prayers, and that he can orchestrate the best matches. Back to my “wish list” – my husband meets every desire that I wanted! We have found a new church near our new home, and we are involved in several ministries. I am so grateful to God.
I would encourage you to stay active in your church, participating in mission projects and bible studies. If there is a ministry geared to older adults, get involved. Develop friendships with other women, so you are getting out and are socializing. Pursue a new passion, whether it be golf, walking, painting, etc. Do something which makes your heart sing. Give yourself the gift of counseling, to allow healing, and to help you move forward. Let your friends and your minister know you are interested in dating. (My aunt’s minister fixed her up with her husband years ago!) But don’t settle for a non-Christian. I know God honors our faithfulness to Him.
Lynn, Thank you for your thoughtful and loving response. So happy to hear about the second chapter of your life. We are honored by your share. Congratulations to you and your precious family.
LeAnne, thank you for your wise and tender response. As soon as I read this question, I began to cry because this is exactly the question I’ve been wanting to ask.. I, too, am divorced 3 years this month after 38 years of marriage and I’m the same age (64). I’ve been blessed with deep friendships and sisters who have supported, encouraged, laughed & cried with me throughout the years. I’m truly grateful for these relationships.
However, I am lonely and want a Godly man in my life. I’m continuously praying for the Lord to show me what He wants for me. I hold back out of guilt even though I know that this does not come from the Lord. I’m working on CORE and know deep in my heart I could have a loving marriage again.
Thank you for sharing your heart. I see you and hear you. So grateful you are here in our community. Dear Jeanne, keep pressing into God. He will meet with you in the most amazing of ways.
Would it be wrong to ask God for a companion but not to marry? I have been too deeply betrayed and find it hard to trust another man. It is not easy to know who is godly and who is not. Narcissists are very good at pretending. I do not wish to go that path again, but it will be nice to have meals or watch movies together. Basically being good friends without intimacy.
Amazing to read all your stories. And to find a community who understands! None of my friends or anyone in my circle understand my situation. I must confess I have lost hope. I got divorced just shy of our 30 year anniversary10 years ago after God showed me how unhealthy and abusive my marriage was. I did not have a clue and carried all the guilt for everything that went wrong,. I thought I was an honouring wife. It took years and years of hard work, with the Lord, counselling and prayer ministry and reading lots of books, Leslie’s included, to find myself and my purpose. I still feel lost in so many ways. Beginning of this year, my ex and I got back together and it was amazing. He said all the right things, I believed it all. But after 8 months, the truth came out and he is still the same. I had boundaries – said counselling was a must, etc, but it never eventuated. I feel completely shattered and heart broken. We were going to marry again in Dec. I feel like a child who was shown this amazing gift they were getting for Christmas, and then it was snatched away. I jut cannot believe that I allowed myself to get so sucked in to this mess again. How to move forward? I honestly do not know. My counsellor says I am experiencing PTSD symptoms. I so desperately wanted to be mrs again, but not at the cost of my sanity. In all of the 10 years I never met anyone I wanted to consider marriage with. Now I haver to learn again to be content by myself and I do not know how.
I’m sorry Allie. What a blow to be lied to again. I’d encourage you to find some good female friends. Many women our age are facing aloneness, either through divorce or widowhood. It can be scary to learn to live alone when we’ve never had to do that our entire adult life. Yet, it also can be an opportunity for you to grow, to expand your wings and learn things you never dreamed yourself capable of. I was sharing an uber ride with two women who were heading to the airport to go to Alaska to watch the dog sled races. Being single did not diminish their zest for life, for travel or for having new adventures. Perhaps if you can take your focus off marriage and build healthy female friends and opportunities to volunteer and serve others, you may find that it is more than enough to have a fufilled and meaningful life.
My heart feels for you Allie. I can tell you are such a good woman. I can see myself doing the same as you did. Having that hope that doesn’t want to give up. I’m about to divorce after 24yrs, shy of 20 married. My heart too was shattered after praying and finding out about his adulterous heart. Our marriage has been a nightmare so really it’s nothing to fight for. I feel like I’ve been sleeping with the enemy all these yrs. We had 4 kids together and catered my life around him. God has been preparing me and seeing me through this. I know it. I’ve been on my own for 4 yrs still trying to kp my marriage all while he had another plan. I hope God puts a TRUE man of God in my life. I will be praying for the same for you Allie!
Allie,
Thank you for sharing your heart and story with us. I am so sorry… the heartbreak is real… Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Praying for you Allie and Michelle. Hugs my dear sisters