In the quiet of the night, on the dawn of a bright sunrise, or at the most inconvenient times, loneliness creeps in. It's natural to long for companionship and the warmth of a loving relationship. For Christian women who have faced the trials of emotional abuse, divorce, and betrayal, this longing can be especially heartbreaking. Loneliness can be both a whisper and a roar in our souls. I have spoken to many women these past few months about loneliness. Inside and outside of a marital relationship. So many have asked, “LeAnne, Is it wrong to wish and pray for God to bring me a Godly husband?” So I was impressed to answer this publicly here on our blog when I read this question from a beloved reader.
Question: Is it wrong to wish and pray that God will bring me a Godly husband? I’ve been divorced for 3 years and I’m so lonely. I’ve never lived alone my entire life. Now at 64, is it even possible I could get married again?
LeAnne’s Response: The short answer to your first question is No; it is not wrong to pray for a Godly husband. God knows the desires of your heart, and seeking a loving, Christ-centered relationship can be a noble and sincere prayer. However, it's crucial to approach this desire with a heart attuned to God's guidance.
For Christian women who've walked the painful path of divorce, especially from an emotionally destructive marriage, the journey toward healing and hope can feel like an uphill climb. In this blog post, we'll walk this path together, addressing the fears and doubts that may arise with compassion, wisdom, and a foundation in Scripture.
In your heart's deepest corners, you may be asking, “Is it even right to wish for another chance at love?” It's crucial to acknowledge that, following a divorce, various fears, insecurities, and uncertainties will surface. Let's explore these feelings with the understanding that they are both valid and deeply personal.
If we were sitting at my favorite coffee shop, I imagine we would be having a conversation about guilt, shame, and fear. It's common to carry a heavy load of guilt and shame after a divorce, even when it is necessary for your safety and well-being. You might wonder if you're somehow at fault or if God views your divorce as a mark against your character. Remember, Romans 8:1 assures us that “there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” Your past does not define your worth or God's love for you.
Some Christian communities hold strict views on divorce, which can lead to fear of judgment. It's essential to recognize that not all divorces are the same, and God's grace extends to each unique situation. We have a very diverse Christian community here and for the sake of this conversation, I will lead with grace. I urge you to seek counsel from wise, safe, and understanding spiritual leaders who can provide guidance tailored to your beliefs, and core values, and unique circumstances.
Abuse of any kind can leave profound scars, often leading to doubts about your worthiness of love and a healthy relationship. Psalm 34:18 reminds us that God is near to the brokenhearted. Allow yourself the time and support needed to heal emotionally, from the inside out, knowing that God desires your restoration and happiness. Doing your own work to gain health, and strength and reclaim your dignity is a personal journey worth every step. We do our own work best in a community with other like-minded women who are on the same path to wholeness.
Is It Possible to Get Married Again at 64?
As you stand at the threshold of a new chapter, it is understandable to have questions about finding love again. Let's acknowledge these concerns while holding fast to the hope that age should never be a barrier to love and companionship. I live in a 55 and over-aged community here in Arizona, and I see couples flourishing all around me. Many are followers of Christ, and in their second marriages.
Many women I have spoken with throughout the years have a genuine fear of repeating past mistakes. It's natural to fear a repetition of past wounds. Proverbs 4:23 advises us to “guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” This includes guarding your heart against unhealthy relationships. Seek counseling, coaching and support to address these fears and develop healthy boundaries.
Friends, family, or fellow church members may not always understand the complexities of your journey. Remember that your relationship with God is personal, and it's your heart He seeks to guide. Seek counsel from those who offer understanding and support.
After enduring a painful marriage, you may feel called to focus on your spiritual growth and independence. Philippians 1:6 assures us that “He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion.” Know that your spiritual journey is uniquely yours, and it may include finding love again, or it may not. Both paths are valid. Your journey is filled with complexity, pain, and hope, and it deserves the utmost compassion and care.
As you navigate these uncertain waters, remember that God's love knows no bounds, and His grace extends to every corner of your heart. Trust in Him, seek guidance from those who understand your unique journey, and allow yourself to heal and grow, step by step. Speaking from my personal chapters of life, my girl friendships warm my heart and soul regularly. Their presence in my life regularly enriches my journey. My days are more vibrant, more fun, and full of light. So many times they have filled me with courage, hope, and wisdom for life's trials, storms, successes, victories, and challenges.
Give of your own heart selflessly and if the recipient is wise, safe, and worthy – you will have won a friend. When you see a friend in crisis do not merely text or Facebook them. Pick up the phone and offer to pray with them, meet for coffee or a hike, take them a meal, or better yet, ask them how they would like to spend time. You can form a sisterhood of sunshine. You will warm up your friend’s life, and they will warm yours.
Whether your path leads to a loving partnership, some new female friendships, or a season of solitude, know that your Heavenly Father walks alongside you, guiding you toward hope, healing, and the love you deserve. He holds your hand in His boundless love and grace.
Beloved readers: What's one step you're considering taking on your journey toward hope, healing, and potentially finding a Godly partner? Is there a specific scripture, piece of advice, or personal experience that has resonated with you?
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