Embracing the Belt of Truth: Navigating Love and Authenticity in the Month of Hearts

Greetings friends! As we step into February, a month where hearts and love are so often celebrated, it’s essential to pause and reflect on the ‘belt of truth' that girds our lives. For many women, this time of year can be bittersweet, tinged with challenges and struggles in relationships that may not mirror the fairy tale stories of love and romance. It’s a time that calls for us to embrace our own truths, to firmly fasten the belt of honesty, self-worth, and authenticity around our waists. Let's talk about how this belt of truth can empower us, especially now, when the pressure of ‘the love month' can weigh heavily. This, my dear friends, is an invitation to come together, and weave the fabric of real, grounded, and God-centered love into our lives, even amidst trials and tribulations, and triumphs..

Readers Question: 

My common-law spouse and I are separating after 16 years. There has been a lot of emotional abuse, verbal and manipulation. He will not leave until I “buy him out” which could take significant time. How can I start to heal and forgive with him always around me?

LeAnne’s Response:

Beloved reader, I'm truly sorry to hear about what you're going through. Ending a long-term relationship, especially one that involves emotional abuse and manipulation, is incredibly hard. Remember, even in these tough times, you're not alone, and healing is absolutely possible. I hear your desire to heal and forgive. Let’s start with these steps forward wrapping the belt of truth around your healing heart. 

Belt of Truth 101. Own your worth. 

The truth is, you have value! Your worth, as defined by your identity in Christ. Boundaries are held here. Knowing your own value is essential to establishing emotional, physical, financial, and relational boundaries. Think of it like drawing a line in the sand; you're defining who you are and who you are not. Getting clear about what you will and won't engage in. Keep conversations with your man civil but limited to practical matters. Remember, when you are deeply valued and loved by God, it becomes easier to establish boundaries that reflect this worth. This realization empowers you to make choices that align with your divine value, rather than seeking validation in unhealthy relationships. By knowing your worth in Christ, you can discern which behaviors honor God and yourself, setting the stage for relationships that uplift rather than diminish your spiritual and emotional well-being.

Boundary Example: “I am willing to talk when we can do so respectfully. If the conversation becomes harmful, I will need to step away until we can communicate constructively.”

Belt of Truth 102: God made you to flourish in safety. 

The truth is, Safety is Important. it is time to create a safe space in your home even if he is still living there. You need a space for you to rest, regroup and restore. This safe space will be a haven for you to gain spiritual, mental, and emotional clarity. This is your personal retreat, a place where you can relax, reflect, and heal. Whether it's your bedroom or a little nook in your living room, make it yours. 

Belt of Truth 103: Self Care is Self Stewardship

The truth is, now more than ever, self-care is vital. It's not just about bubble baths and treating yourself, though those are great! It's about doing things that nourish your soul and make you feel good about you. Whether that’s going for a walk, joining an exercise/fitness class, or just sitting quietly with a cup of tea, invite in what brings you peace.

Identify areas in your life where you feel discomfort, resentment, or loss of control. These feelings often indicate where more boundaries are needed. Begin by setting small, manageable boundaries and communicate them clearly to others involved. It's important to be consistent and to reinforce these boundaries when they are tested. Seek guidance from scripture and godly counsel as you navigate this process, remembering that it's a journey of learning and growing in your faith and self-understanding.

The psalmist found comfort in reminding himself of his own value before God out loud in his praise. Try it. It might help you in moments where you feel wobbly, insecure, or lonely.

Psalm 139:14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, and I know that full well.

Belt of Truth 104: Support from trusted others is key to your well-being. 

The truth is, building a strong support network is crucial. Friends, family, your church community, or support groups can offer practical help and emotional support. It's important to surround yourself with people who uplift you. Lean on your faith and community, too. As a woman of faith, your beliefs can be a great source of comfort and strength.

Belt of Truth 105: Financial Wisdom and Stewardship is God's will 

The truth is, you will need to make some financial separation so that you are safe. 

You spoke about buying him out: Let’s establish a personal financial safety net. This involves setting up and maintaining your own financial resources independent of your partner or family. It could mean having a personal bank account, savings, a credit card in your name only, and an emergency fund that is solely in your name and under your control. 

The aim is to ensure you have financial autonomy and security, regardless of the dynamics in your relationships. This boundary is crucial in preventing financial abuse and ensuring you have the means to support yourself in times of need. Start by opening a separate bank account, if you don’t already have one. Allocate a portion of your income or savings to this account regularly. Be transparent with your partner about your need for financial independence, framing it as a healthy and responsible practice rather than a lack of trust.

Communication: When discussing this boundary with a partner or family member, it’s important to communicate that while you value shared financial responsibilities and trust, having personal financial safety is about self-respect and ensuring mutual respect in the relationship.

Who can help you put together a financial safety plan?

Proverbs 22:7 – “The rich rule over the poor, and the borrower is slave to the lender.”

This verse highlights the importance of financial independence and the risks associated with being financially beholden to someone.

Seek the support of a coach or therapist, especially someone experienced in dealing with emotional abuse, can be a lifeline. They can guide you through processing your emotions and help you build the tools you need to move forward. Join us in our 3 month group coaching program. Walking In Core Strength. 

Belt of Truth 106: Forgiveness is part of the healing journey. 

It's not about letting someone off the hook; it's about letting yourself move on. Forgiving is a process that helps you release anger, bitterness, and hurt so you're not carrying those heavy burdens around each day and into your future. Forgiveness is a powerful expression of the love within our soul. 

“We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love.” – Martin Luther King Jr.

Belt of Truth 107: Planning for the future is important while you live in the present

The truth is planning for the future is important. Work on the practical steps for your eventual separation. It gives you a sense of control and direction. A lawyer or a financial advisor can help you understand your rights and options.

Journaling can be incredibly therapeutic and healing. Writing down your thoughts and feelings helps you process them. It's also a good way to track your healing journey.

Belt of Truth 108: Practice Self-Compassion

The truth is that self-compassion will empower you to nourish your well-being. Be kind to yourself. Remember, you're going through a lot, and it's okay to have tough days. Use affirmations to remind yourself of your worth and strength. You are worthy of love and respect, and you're stronger than you know. One tough day does not need to mean two.

I know this is a challenging time, but with these steps, healing and moving forward is possible. You've got this, and remember, you're not walking this path alone.

Beloved Readers, How have you experienced the power of the ‘belt of truth' in relationships, especially during times when societal expectations of love feel overwhelming?

I warmly invite you to share your stories of finding strength in authenticity and faith during this love-filled month.

10 Comments

  1. Caroline Abbott on February 14, 2024 at 9:51 am

    I LOVE your idea of a financial safety plan. Finances often keep people stuck in places they never want to be. I find it is quite difficult to truly heal when you are still near the person that abused you. Yes, you can become stronger, but to truly heal? In my experience you must be away from the person.

    • LeAnne Parsons on February 18, 2024 at 7:13 pm

      Safety in all areas including our financials
      is so important! We can support one another with safety planning as we share what works well and how we Courageously take each step… giving ourselves breathing room is a key to the safe spaces. Body, mind, soul, and spirit.

  2. Not too late to Bloom on February 14, 2024 at 8:49 pm

    Dear LeAnne and friends,
    I just read your post….and I feel physically stronger…and maybe ready to grieve and move on.
    May blessings be poured out upon you and all who are in the LV fold. So many posts have been helpful, but this one really concentrated my focus.
    Truly, stewarding ourselves, focusing on what we truly deeply feel, need, are worthy of, and deserve, has been a concept that has taken me several… many !… years to understand and integrate.
    In spite of what was ingrained in many of us, there is nothing inherently bad or selfish about stewarding yourself, getting to know yourself, surrounding yourself with God’s view of you as a valuable, worthy daughter of the King; celebrating your gifts; being physically, mentally, and emotionally safe; working toward living the life God designed for you by giving you gifts and talents; and receiving help and support from Sisters who are able to lift you up.
    My only recommendation for others on this journey: Be patient with yourself. Protect yourself however you can; be safe. Keep growing; keep reminding yourself of not what others say about you, but who God says you are.
    We’re holding you up in prayer, precious daughter of the King.

    • LeAnne Parsons on February 18, 2024 at 7:10 pm

      So blessed to hear your heart! Kindness to ourselves and others as we do this work and walk these roads is always a beautiful step to our core wellbeing.

  3. Terry Rimato on February 17, 2024 at 11:45 pm

    ❤️❤️❤️. This is so full of truth. If you are walking through separation, take to heart these words, practice them with discipline as if your life, your heart and soul depend on them—they do. Thank you for sharing these truths. ❤️❤️

    • LeAnne Parsons on February 18, 2024 at 7:09 pm

      Terry, Thank you for sharing your encouragement and voice here. We appreciate your love for taking action! We are stronger together.

  4. Anne on February 19, 2024 at 9:08 am

    Good morning.
    Just read your post I was in a similar position after being married for 30 years. I went to counseling my counselor told me to guard my heart. Something so simple yet profound. I began something called holy detachment; stepping back and really listening and paying attention to my situation. I was able to slowly step away from the relationship while living together. Not sharing things bank accounts, vehicles (he was using mine to travel to work because it was better on gas) meals, etc…. And of course lots of prayer. It’s been 3 years since my divorce and he moved out. The freedom I have from the abuse and oppression is awesome!!!! God have taken great care of me. Not always easy but God has seen me through. God bless you on your journey to freedom and recovery.!

    • LeAnne Parsons on February 19, 2024 at 10:01 am

      He is a good good Father! Thank you for sharing your story! Keep pressing with your eyes on Him!

  5. Lisa on April 2, 2024 at 4:16 pm

    hello, this post is very helpful; I am doing many of these self-supporting things, and it helps; EMDR therapy is very helpful; it is hard to stay in the marriage, kids are all adults, and one has estranged himself for 1.5 yrs now, and due to the marriage and the situation with this adult child [I don’t hear from him, don’t know where he is] I am still in counseling/therapy. any more ideas are helpful. thanks so much

    • LeAnne Parsons on April 2, 2024 at 4:56 pm

      Thank you for sharing a bit of your story with us here. Navigating relationship challenges in honor of your core values is empowering. So glad to hear that you are getting the support you desire to grow stronger each day.

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