I had a wonderful time in Istanbul and Greece on my cruise. It was two years of waiting, but worth it. I especially enjoyed seeing Ephesus and Mars Hill, where the apostle Paul was, and visiting the place he preached in Acts 16. It’s hard to get back on track, especially with the holidays coming up.I am doing a free workshop on December 6th, on Change Your Story, Change Your Life, Moving From Breakdown to Breakthrough. For more information or to register, click here.
Question: I have filed for divorce, but my husband still wants to buy me things and do things with me. He feels I should talk to people who have gone through adultery but have stayed together. But I don't want to reconcile, am I wrong?
Answer: You are not wrong for not wanting to reconcile with someone who has committed adultery. If there is one clear Biblical reason for allowing divorce it’s adultery. God knows that cheating and lying in an intimate relationship are serious deal breakers and trust is often irreparably harmed.
That does not mean that forgiveness, even reconciliation is not possible after adultery, but it is not Biblically required for you to reconcile, even if you do forgive. Adultery is a serious break of trust, and the marriage relationship does not get repaired without serious personal and marital work.
Your husband believes buying you things or wanting to do things with you should make you feel better and erase the negative consequences of what he has done to you and your marriage. You never mentioned if he’s repented of his sin or is getting any help to deal with what he did to harm you and your marriage. For me, that alone is a big red flag. I wonder if he believes he can pass over that step and simply return to being charming, generous, and attentive, hoping to win your heart back.
And…. It may be tempting. Most women enjoy being showered with gifts, attention, and affection. But keep alert because this strategy is seductive and can lead to you losing sight of the big picture and the broken trust you experienced. It can lull you into believing he’s sorry and won’t do it again. However, if he hasn’t really done any work to examine himself as to why he did it, it’s likely to reoccur.
Since you do not desire reconciliation, my question for you is why do you hesitate to say goodbye? Why do things with him or accept his gifts? It seems that you may confuse him by not being clear that you do not want what he wants.
Friends, how do you resist the pressure or the seduction of the love bombing stage of the cycle?
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