Good Monday Friends,

I am sitting in a hotel room in Seattle, WA after a full day of sightseeing. It’s been freezing cold here, overcast. I‘m not sure why I was hoping for sunshine this week. It seems like the last two years of any kind of trips have resulted in cloudy, cold weather, whether we were heading to Hawaii, Florida, Southern California and now Washington and Canada.

I do hope I get one or two days of some sun. I think I have a touch of SIDS and it’s definitely wearing on me. This has been about the coldest, gloomiest spring I can remember. I’ll be speaking in Canada at the PASCH (Peace and Safety in the Christian Home) conference on Friday so would appreciate your prayers. I’ll write you all about it next week.

But I’m reading a remarkable book giving to me by a dear friend, Dee Brestin, called One Thousand Gifts, by a gifted writer, Ann Voskamp. Here’s a taste of something that resonated with my soul.

“I wake to the discontent of life in my skin. I wake to self hatred. To the wrestle to get it all done, the restless anxiety that I am failing, always failing. I live tired, afraid, anxious, weary. Would I ever be enough, find enough, do enough? But this morning, I wake wildly, wanting to live.”

Me too. I’m tired and weary of trying to get it all done. I want to really live, fully alive to life. But what does that look like when you’re stuck between where you are and where you want to be? A few weeks ago I told you God asked me to choose peace over productivity.

That has required some hard choices and soul searching. From your responses, I know you have gotten stuck too. Here are some of the questions I have asked myself during these past few weeks to begin to get unstuck.

1. Where am I now? How does the way I live and spend my time impact my quality of life?
2. How do my choices impact my family and those I love?
3. Are there any incongruities between my current way of living and my values and dreams?
4. What specific things do I need to change to close the gap from where I am right now in this present moment to get where I want to be?
5. What do I need to do more of or less of in order to get where I want to go?
6. Who will hold me accountable to the changes I want to make?

I am changing my schedule to free up some time so that I am not so busy, rushed and tired. I am going to stop trying to get it all done and enjoy what I do more. I’ll keep you in the loop and let you know how I’m doing, but this is my prayer.

How about you? What would you like to see different in your life or heart?

To get you started, answer the question. I am a person who…….

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5 Comments

  1. Anonymous on May 10, 2011 at 3:01 am

    Oops- I think Leslie meant to say SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder).

    I'm struggling with similar things Leslie and appreciate you sharing the last couple of weeks. I have been weary and am trying to re-evaluate my time and purposes. Glad you are doing the same as you seem like a very busy lady.

    Wishing you blessings and sunshine!

  2. Leslie vernick on May 10, 2011 at 4:27 am

    Thanks. You're right. I meant SAD. That's the problem with rushing and our humanness. Love you guys and gals

  3. Anonymous on May 10, 2011 at 7:30 pm

    Thank you for writing your honest thoughts down for us to read. I have been in this same process of sorting through life and trying to slow down, choose peace, learning what I want, etc. I have grown children out of the house and grandchildren. God is providing this time for me to change, heal and transform me into what He created me to be on this earth. Not sure yet what that looks like. So, thankful He helped me find your materials and blog. That is part of my healing process and journey. This is so helpful to hear someone else put these things into words. Sounds like a good book you are reading. I may have to read it too. Thank you for being who God created you to be and sharing your life with us. I pray that God will help you to find a way to work smarter, not harder……so that you can enjoy the journey you are on and still be at peace and rest. It's not by might, nor by power, but only by His Holy Spirit, saith the Lord. I pray Blessings, Favor and Strength to you. I pray also Father God (Daddy) that you will open the hearts, eyes and ears to the people Leslie speaks to. That they will receive the message that she brings. Break down any barriers that get in the way and cause them to come crashing down. I am asking that you will set the captives free and help them to find safety. Help them to learn the new skills quickly, so they will be able to accurately navigate their lives and find a proper healthy self-repsect. Provide for all those who are having to make the hard choices and decisions for Freedom! Change the hearts of the people, whether they are too passive or too aggressive. Cause an outpouring of healthy relationships in our families and homes around the world and bring them to a saving knowledge of You. I know it is a big request, too big for us to accomplish, but it is not too big for you. I pray and ask on behalf of the people, In Jesus' Name, Amen.

  4. Anonymous on May 11, 2011 at 7:17 am

    Thank you, Leslie, for sharing so transparently and allowing us readers to see how you live out your faith. I am drawn by your warmth and challenged and encouraged by your words. Lately, the combination of living in the tension/discomfort of where I am vs. where I want to be and the dreary weather has been downright depressing.(a sunny, 68* day today helped) I think the hardest thing for me to do in closing the gap is to lay down a practice that I have gotten value and identity from for a long time. In the past it was a good thing, both for me and my family but now (when I make an honest evaluation)it isn't working for the good of either. Admitting I am no longer being effective is hard. While rationally I know I can't keep going, emotionally, to stop feels like failure. I need the courage to act.
    I loved One Thousand Gifts – kept a tissue in one hand and a highlighter in the other for the entire read. Ann's website, http://www.aholyexperience.com is equally as engaging.(beautiful photography too)
    May God minister through you and to you (and send some sunshine too)!

  5. Sheri Dannis on August 9, 2012 at 5:49 am

    Fairly good post. I actually just came on your current blog plus wanted expressing we need very really liked studying your own weblog posts. Anyways I am going to often be following to the blog plus I really hope you actually post again quickly.

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